The Ancient Technique I’m Teaching My Kids

Dads, this ancient technique has led to some of history's greatest discoveries.

It’s centuries-old (~ 13th century) and even more practical today than ever.

And I'm teaching it to my kids.

Einstein lived by it.

This simple yet proven technique can be used just as much in life as in business or in science.

That timeless technique:

The scientific method.

Ok that was a lot of build up. 

Let me tell you why I'm teaching my kids the scientific method and how I’m making it fun.

Even for children as young as 3.

The scientific method is a simple, profound way to snap up knowledge like Mario nabbing mushrooms.

It is this method that leads to new discoveries. 

The beauty is that it starts with curiosity and is rooted in trying (experimentation).

And although science is in the name, it doesn’t take a scientist. 
  
The scientific method teaches that failure (trial and error) is part of the process.
 
And we learn as much from what doesn’t work than what does.

And data is the true indicator of outcome.

I have found a fun way to make it a part of my 3 and 4-year-olds' daily life.

We play a game called “What Floats?”

No this isn't a poop joke.

At bathtime, we scan the bathroom for things we think might float in the bathtub (observe).

We ask the question: "which bathroom item will float?" (question)

We look for items that we think might float and come up with guesses of why we think it might float (hypothesis).

Then we drop it in the tub and see what happens (baby sister is off limits) (experiment).

We see what floats and what sinks (analysis).

And we keep retrying with new items.

We start to see a pattern (knowledge).

It's beautiful. 

It's simple.

You can take try it out with almost anything like:

"What can you add to lemonade to make it sweeter?"

Or the next time your child asks, “why do some balloons float?”

Instead of just telling them the answer, ask them what they think.

And turn it into a science experiment.

Yes, you might burn half a day but what better way to kill a rainy Sunday than to experiment?

And I also realized that I use the scientific method almost every day.

At work and in life.

I use it to:

Test and find the right message that will land with potential clients.

Or identify what is wrong with our two-year-old oven.

And my kids use this approach to figure out how they can squeeze another snack out of daddio. 

Kids are born with the intuition to use the scientific method.

It is how they learn to walk, talk and stop pooping their pants.

The challenge is as kids get older.

Failure becomes less accepted…

Most stop using the scientific method unless they are in a science lab.

That is why making the scientific method a learning tool is so important for my family and me. 

Even if they don’t study science, this approach will treat them well in business or daily life.

and just maybe one day…

They will discover something that has never been discovered.

I Wish These Existed

I wish these existed.

I would pay a small fortune. 

Being a dad can be tough. 

After a Spring Break vacation filled with carting, loading, wiping, and carrying three kids...

It got me thinking (ok fantasizing) about things that would make life as a dad…

just a wee bit easier.

Here are the 12 things I wish existed as a dad of 3 kids under 5.

1/ “Magnetic onesie”  

A baby onesie that clasps shut like a magnetic screen door.  

As soon as you pull those little baby legs and arms through the sleeves…

The magnet does the rest and snaps that baby shut.

2/ “Blowout-proof diaper” 

How many times has a baby blowout tipped your day into chaos (it always happens at the most inopportune time)?

We need diapers that are impervious to a blowout (catch all the poop no matter what) 

What a world it would be if things were blowout free.

3/ “The Slap Diaper” 

A diaper that works like one of those slap bracelets.  

As soon as that baby bottom lands near, it just snaps on.  

No more diaper wrestling. 

4/ “Toddler translator” 

I’m convinced toddlers are from another planet.  

And my inability to understand their language usually ends in toddler rage.  

What if a translator could tell us, dads, exactly what our little aliens want?

5/ “Slime-Resistant Shirt” 

I lost count of how many times I peeked in the mirror and I looked like Venkman from Ghostbusters. 

My shirt covered in snot or spit up.  

I need a shirt where the upper half is like Teflon, nothing sticks to it…

That would totally transform my daily appearance.  

6/ “Undo button”

Oh man, I’ve been saved so many times by Ctrl-Z (undo) on a computer.  

What if life with kids had an undo button? 

I would use it like Michael Scott overuses “that’s what she said”.

7/ “Pause Button”

You’re in the trenches changing a diaper and putting out a few fires.  

You just need 15 minutes to pull yourself together.  

It would be great if life had a 15-minute pause button where my kids would stop and I could pull myself together and soak it up…just 15 minutes. 

8/ “Buddy button” 

Sometimes I need a rip cord to stop the free fall and find a fellow war hero (a buddy) to share my stories of the trenches with.  

It would be great if there were an SOS app that could find another buddy that at that moment was also ready to get away.   

9/ “Sleep dust” 

Yes, there is melatonin (and whiskey) but they have negative long-term side effects when used as sleep aids.  

I would love some dust (a pan) I could slam (sprinkle) my 2-year-old with at bedtime so she would…

To steal a line from Adam Mansbach “Go the F⚪k to sleep”. 

10/ “Nighttime Nanny” 

I call my middle a werewolf.  

Every time there is a full moon (or a moon in any phase) she creeps into our room for the umpteenth time and needs to be walked back to bed.   

After these long nights, I wake up feeling like a drank a case of beer. 

It would be great if someone or something could walk my little werewolf back to bed, tuck her in so I could get some dreamy sleep.  

11/ “Remote Relocator”

If you’re like our family, we limit TV for our kids but they crave it like addicts.

So many times, we’ve hidden the remote like a squirrel, and couldn’t remember which hole in the yard it was in.  

All we need is a remote that is equipped with an “I’m here” function so we could find it when we needed it. 

12/ "Self-Cleaning Car" 

Our van looks like an Atlantic City beach; covered in sand, wrappers, and old discarded toys.  

It would be great to have a car that can automatically clean itself inside and out, 

so I don’t feel guilty about my wife's daily trip with the Jersey Shore. 

My takeaway:

If only these things existed, they would make dadding a little easier.  

And I would pay a small fortune.

Tinkerers, inventors, and entrepreneurs, let me know if you come up with any of these.  

Dads, what did I miss?

Dads with older kids, are there inventions I will need as my kids age?

This Discovery May Change My Unhealthy Habit Forever

I made a discovery.

And it just might change me forever.

Saturday mornings with young kids can be draining.

Especially after celebrating a successful week or putting a difficult week in the past.

A ritual I look forward to every week (good or bad) is enjoying a beer with friends.

I mean, “beer is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy,” right? (I think Big Ben (Franklin) said that).

But with the good comes the bad.

It turns out alcohol, when broken down by the body, turns into poison (acetaldehyde).

According to Stanford neuroscientist Andrew Huberman, alcohol erodes memory, negatively changes the brain’s neural circuits, and increases anxiety.

I’m not going to demonize alcohol because… 

I like beer (said with the gusto of Justice Kavanaugh). 

But there is an underground trend away from alcohol and its negative effects.

Rockers like Steven Tyler and Ben Harper are walking away from it.  

Hard-partying chefs are seeking alternatives. 

There are, however, positives to drinking alcohol, or in my case, beer.

I love the social aspect of sharing stories with friends or colleagues.

The good thing is I found a surprising alternative.

And it will likely change my drinking game forever.  

The Discovery That Might Change Me Forever

I’ve been experimenting with non-Alcoholic beer (NA).

Or, as I've heard them called near beers.

They have the foamy head and delicious taste of a microbrew but without alcohol.

Near, to a beer, as it gets.

This is not that piss water Odouls.  

There are microbreweries dedicated to brewing high-quality NA beer.

The process is simple.

They brew a full-on craft beer and then de-alcohol it.  

Traditionally, de-alcoholising beer was to cook off or filter out (osmosis filtering) the alcohol, which removes the flavor.

These specialty NA breweries have designed new methods to de-alcohol the beer that preserve the flavor.  

Not only do they taste great, they are also low-calorie (if you’re watching that dad bod, like me).

I found that most were between 60 to 80 calories (half the calories of a regular craft beer). 

I’ve tried half a dozen or so varieties, and I found Athletic Brewing and Untitled Art as my favorites. 

Note: Forbes article about Athletic Brewing, the 26th fastest-growing company in America.  

My fridge is full and I’m considering going mostly or completely NA. 

Don’t just take my word for it... here is a review of Well + Good’s top 11 near beers. 

So back to our brains and the science.  There is hope for our brains. 

Professor Huberman’s research shows that after 2 to 6 months of not drinking, the brain returns to normal. 

My Takeaway: 

NA beer tastes great and is lo-cal.

I still get the social aspect of drinking but without the negative effects of alcohol. 

Most bars around me don’t carry tasty NA beer…yet.   

But I believe it won’t be long before this underground trend becomes mainstream because of the negative health effects of alcohol.

If you try one, let me know what you think and which is your favorite.

How a joke became a harmful ritual

Ben Franklin wrote about it.

It was said to be invented by a Kiwi. 

It was first tried by Canadians…eh. 

And it was popularized by Zee Germans (said with a lispy German accent).

Anyone with young kids knows what a disaster it is.

Daylight savings time (DST).

Last week an hour of sleep was stolen from us, and it felt like a 26-hour day...the longest day ever.  

Not to mention the clock confusion around current time vs. non-DST.   

Like many parents, we work hard with our kids to establish good sleeping habits and a consistent bedtime. 

And then twice a year, it gets totally messed up. 

Last week was no exception when we…sprung forward…damn!  

It got me thinking,

Who is the sick masochist that came up with this idea?

Why do we keep torturing ourselves?

And

What can be done to stop this madness?

The History of DST 

DST was first enacted as a wartime effort to save energy by adding one extra hour of sunlight to the workday (first happened in the US in 1918).

Ben Franklin joked, in 1784, that Parisians should shift their day to save candles.

Currently, like everything, there is a bill stuck in Congress to make DST permanent. 

The debate is to DST or not to DST. 

Scientists argue that DST is bad because it throws off our sleep.

Going back to 1918, the data set shows a significant increase in heart attacks and depression from DST.

The hour is small but can be drastic to our circadian rhythm.  

Those who argue pro-DST say it saves energy, reduces crime, and prevents traffic accidents.

Some have even argued that pushing the sunlight to the end of the day increases shopping.  

A group of wise poets once said: 

“Cash Rules Everything Around Me. C.R.E.A.M. get the money, dolla dolla bill, y'all,” Wu-Tang Clan. 

I’m team NO DST. 

It messed me up, and it has messed up our kids' sleeping.  

I’m determined to be the only man in Eastern Time Zone working a Central Time Zone schedule. 

My proposal:

Get rid of the antiquated law by making the decision that is best for people. 

Stop DST but don't forget...

CREAM get the money, dolla dolla bill ya’ll. 

This One Thing You Do Everyday Can Make Or Break Your Health & Mood

Dads, this is the easiest thing you can do for your health and mood.

And it's something you already do every day.

But you're probably not doing it enough. 

And because you’re not doing it enough, you might be experiencing brain fog, reduced physical performance, and a soured mood. 

There is one negative.  The byproduct of doing this creates heaps weighing more than 1,500 Blue Whales (per year).

It makes up 60% of us dads. 

And

only 3% of it is usable. 

You might know what it is by now.  

Drinking Water.  

Or not drinking it. 

Water is life. 

It makes up 60% of adult males’ bodies (you dad).

We consume over 22 B plastic water bottles yearly, weighing 300 M pounds (~1,500 blue whales).  

And only 3% of the water on Earth is usable (most is of the salty variety).   

Here is why water is vital (besides making up 60% of us): 

We can only go about 3 days without water before shriveling up like a prune and dying. 

2% less than normal hydration leads to inflammation, elevated blood pressure, reduced brain function (brain fog), and poorer physical performance. 

Water is as divisive as American politics. 

With the partisan camps of:

1. Tap water is fine.

2. No way, tap water is poison, I’m never drinking it!

I listened to Stanford professor Andrew Huberman’s 2 hr science-based podcast on water, hydration, and whether or not tap water is harmful.  

And here are the shocking facts that changed my view on water: 

1\ Go Edward Fortyhands (with water)

Proper hydration can improve mood, brain function, blood pressure, and physical performance.  

You should do Edward Fortyhands every day (drinking game where two 40 oz beers are duct taped to your hands, and you can't do anything until you drink it all).   

Drink at least 8 oz (a diner coffee mug) every hour for the first 10 hours of the day (80oz).  Every hour is a guide, the key is at least 80oz in the first 10 hours.  

You may choose to do it in a few chugs if you're doing it Edward Fortyhands-style.  

The first 10 hours are important because hydration and the body’s filtration follow a natural (circadian) rhythm that happens in the first half of the day.  

For additional hydration during exercise, Andrew provides a formula to calculate the additional water consumption. 

I’ll keep it simple…just drink even more water if you’re working out.  

2\ Tap water is bad

Published studies show that almost all tap water in the world has elevated levels of chemicals that disrupt the body's functions. 

So the tap water in your community likely contains contaminants.  

The contaminants include disinfectant byproducts (DBPs) and fluoride, which have been scientifically proven to impact the body’s functions, including fertility and the thyroid. 

3\ Know your tap water

Find the water quality in your community before you go buying a lifetime supply of Ice Mountain.  

A simple Google search “what is the water quality of [zip code]” should give you the needed stats.  

I also found this site https://www.ewg.org/ helpful. 

The key stats you're looking for are elevated levels of DBPs and fluoride. 

And if there is enough magnesium to indicate higher pH, which helps with absorption.

4\ Filtration is a no-brainer

Most fridges have filters, or many people have a Britta (carbon filter), these are fine but don't filter out fluoride. 

If your tap water quality has elevated fluoride levels (>.5 mg/L), you should probably get a water filter that removes fluoride.   

A relatively inexpensive fluoride filter like ClearlyFiltered filters out 98% of the fluoride.  

5\ Clean your faucet screen

If you can't afford filtration or feel comfortable drinking your tap water, you should still ensure the water gets into your glass as clean as possible. 

To do this, regularly clean your faucet screens of debris that can contaminate the water as it enters your glass. 

6\ Get basic (pH)

My mom and sister walk around like bodybuilders carrying alkaline water jugs (high pH). 

I thought they were crazy but it turns out high pH water gets absorbed more quickly into cells which improves hydration and reduces inflammation.  

There are a few ways you can do this.  

First, if you have hard water, high in minerals like calcium and magnesium (refer to your water quality research) congrats, your water is likely already high pH.  

Option 2, you can buy and lug around big jugs of alkaline water like my mom and sis. 

No thank you. 

Or option 3, you can get magnesium tablets to add to your water.

The tablets create a reaction and add extra hydrogen to your water, making it a higher pH.  

Honestly, pH seems the least important and is probably a step too far. 

To summarize:

Drinking enough water will improve your mood, brain, and physical performance and reduce blood pressure.

Go Edward Fortyhands every day (80oz in 10 hrs).

Almost all tap water contains harmful contaminants so simple filtration like a Britta or a fridge filter is a no-brainer.

Know your tap water quality by doing a quick Google search to find testing results and contaminant levels in the water you are drinking.

If you have high fluoride levels (>.5 mg/L) get an inexpensive specialty filter. 

Finally, if you want to really go full splash, try high-pH water to increase the rate of absorption, and hydration and reduce inflammation. 

Salud to your health. 

Dads, Don’t Make This Common Mistake

Dads, stop making this common mistake that might prevent your kids from thriving.  

We all want to raise confident and independent kids. 

But, like me, you’ve probably used this common, seemingly harmless phrase. 

And it might be planting seeds of doubt and fear in our kids.  

The great thing is there is a simple fix.  

But first, the seemingly benign phrase.

“Be careful.” 

 Each time we say “be careful,” what we’re really saying is;

“Hey, I'm afraid (fear) you’re going to get hurt,” and “you’re not capable of thinking about the risk, and you need me to remind you.”

Trust me, I’ve said it, but I try not to because…

By saying “be careful,” we’re subtly reinforcing that we fear things and our kids should too. 

And we lack trust in their ability to navigate life.   

The result is unnecessary anxiety.  

Of course, none of us wake up in the morning and declare, “how can I make my kids more anxious, afraid, and a little less confident.”  

We all want to raise confident, independent little explorers.

AND we want them to grow up with all their limbs, intact.  

So here’s the easy fix. 

Instead of “be careful” 

Say, “what's your plan?” 

But you might think, what if my kid is barrelling toward boiling water? 

Or dashing for the busy street.  That’s not good, right?   

There is a solution for this too.  But first, here’s why “what’s your plan?” is the fix.

By using ‘what’s your plan” instead of “be careful,” you’re getting your kids to think about their actions, what they are trying to do, and the potential outcome. 

Our goal as parents should be for our kids to assess risk independently.  

Not to avoid risk. 

Especially as they enter a future that will likely look very different than the one we live in. 

With tech changing things daily, our kids will need to be great at assessing risk rather than avoiding it.  

If they still don’t see the inherent risk in climbing to the top of a dead tree.  

We might add a follow-up question like how are you going to make sure the limb doesn’t break beneath you or how are you going to get down?

This gets them to anticipate and think through potential obstacles or failure points. 

Now back to them in immediate danger, like barrelling toward boiling water or dashing for a busy street. 

When we dads are babysitting our kids (my wife says, “you don’t ‘babysit’ your own kids”), it is our job to keep them safe.  

Sometimes we need to swoop in like superman and save them but then take the time to reflect.  

I would argue this is rare, but sometimes our kids have a lapse in judgment and decide they want to play frogger with traffic.  

Once you save them, don’t yell.  

Simply ask them if they understand why you swooped in.  

Ask them what might have happened if you let them complete the action.

Then explain to them how we need to respect things that could hurt us.   

Takeaway:

So the next time you go to say, “be careful,” catch yourself and ask your child, “what’s your plan?”  

They will likely look at you like you have six heads because they are used to hearing “be careful.” 

Consistently taking the “what’s your plan?” approach will give them the confidence to independently assess the risk of things. 

They will be more confident, independent, and ready to take on risks. 

Because if they’re avoiding risk, they’re avoiding success. 

The One Unexpected KEY To Health and Longevity

Scientists found one unexpected and often neglected aspect of life that might be the key to health and longevity.

No, it's not eating like a rabbit (vegan diet).

Or being a supplement freak like Dr. Oz.

Or exercising with great gusto like Richard Simons.

Research shows that having a pack (a group of friends) may be as important to wellness as eating, exercising, and sleeping.

Aussie researchers did a study.

They sent friends into the outback with a large knife, a leather vest, and a crocodile hat…

Oops wrong study.

The scientists from the land down under did research over 10-years and found:

Older people who reported having ‘a lot of friends’ were 22 percent less likely to die during the study than those who had ‘few friends’.

That's great, but as I get older, making new friends and keeping the old ones gets more challenging.

My kids and their activities can be like Kryptonite to friendships…

Slowly weakening and eventually zapping my time and energy.

Sometimes I feel like Christopher Reeves (Superman) wearing the Kryptonite necklace in the pool scene.

Here are the 6 antidotes for finding the rejuvenating power of friends:

1/ Annual Guys Trip

Get it on the calendar.

The same time each year.

This way, your wife knows to avoid planning a honey-do list that weekend.

And by planning it around the same weekend every year, you and your buddies will get that Christmas morning-like anticipation.

Eventually, it will become a tradition and make getting coverage for the kids easier.

Nothing is better for a bromance than bonding over a solid weekend of shooting guns, fishing, and drinking beer (am I right?)

2/ Play text roulette

Scroll through your phone and shoot a couple of old buddies a text.

One of those texts might land and reignite an old flame (not romantically).

It might lead to catching a pint, having a coffee or even an invigorating hike.

It is a great way to reconnect in your new phase of life.

3/ Start a dad fraternity

Billy Baker, the author of “We Need to Hang Out,” felt he didn’t have a buddy he could call if his furnace went out in the middle of winter.

So to find that dude, he started a dad-ternity (a fraternity of fellow dads).

I know what you’re imagining;

That scene from Old School when Frank The Tank (Will Ferrell) bongs a few beers and ends up running through the diag naked.

Well, it wasn’t quite this kind of fraternity.

It was more of a weekly get-together with other neighborhood dads, creating deep connections, and so they could find their ICE dudes (In Case of Emergency).

4/ Invite a buddy to something you already have planned

I’ve got a buddy that is great at this.

I get random messages when:

He is headed out on the water to land some fish.

Or he’s jumping on his bike to make a quick mountain biking loop after work.

Even if I can’t join, I know I can count on him if I’m ever looking for a partner in crime.

5/ Get mushy

OK this sounds a little weird.

But hear me out.

If you had a great time with an old buddy or a new friend, shoot him a text and let them know you are grateful and you had a great time.

Be open about your feelings;

I’m about as good at this as I am about putting away my clothes (ask my wife).

I’m trying to be better, which will go a long way to strengthening my bro bond.

6/ Take a class

Think about it, where did you make your closest friends?

They are probably from school (elementary, high school, college).

As an adult, the challenge is finding buds that share the same things.

Taking a class on something you are interested in is a great way to find others with the same interests as you.

Do you like foraging? Take a mushroom identification class.

Or like whiskey? Do a tasting.

Find a class, learn something new, and maybe discover a new buddy with a shared interest.

BONUS:

You’ve probably heard the ol’ saying:

“You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

The friends we keep, even as adults, help us achieve and learn new things.

Takeaway:

So if you want to be healthier and live longer or make a change, surround yourself with friends.

Find your pack to run with (hopefully not in the nude across the diag).

Your health and longevity depend on it.

How Exhausted Dads Deal With The Pressures Of Parenting

I’ve got a confession.

I have a secret, and I'm a bit hesitant to discuss it openly.

But I've found that many of my buddies (dads), when I let loose and share, they agree.

Sharing this confession has created a bond with those dads, who, like me, are just trying to get by most days.  

I say this WITH ALL DUE RESPECT (in my best Ricky Bobby voice).

Here it goes...

My kids are assholes (you know, they do things that drive me up a wall), and sometimes I dislike them…

They're still the loves of my life.

But when we sit down for dinner, my 2-year-old locks eyes with me, smirks and dumps her cup of milk all over the floor, yeah I want to explode. 

2-year-olds are a different creature though, aren't they?

Mine is Belligerent (with a capital B).

Or that Saturday morning when I just want to sleep in, but my 4 yr old emerges from his slumber at 545 AM and finds it funny to wake his sisters, sending them into sleep-deprived crying fit that doesn't end until they go to sleep later that night.

Instead of enjoying Saturday, I’m counting the hours until 7 PM when they all go to bed.

Sometimes being a dad feels like the minutes are hours and hours are days.

Wait, how can a guy that writes about trying to be a great dad call his kids assholes and dislike them?

Well, I’m only telling the truth. My kids wear on me.

And if I had to guess, your kids wear on you too.

The good news is we're not alone.

And it is vital that we can be open with other dads and not feel judged or criticized. 

We can learn a lot from other dads about dealing with the stress of being good dads, working professionals, and husbands or partners.

There is a silver lining.

Here are the 7 things I learned from the confessions of other great dads:

1/ Be Honest

It’s ok, to be honest, if you’re struggling with your kids.

The honesty will help the other dad open up and feel comfortable sharing their struggles without feeling judged.

We can all learn something and feel a little better talking with someone that can relate.

2/ There’s Hope

We can learn from other dads who have older kids.

They’ll have a story about a child who was the devil reincarnated that sent them to the edge.

They survived, and their kids turned out just fine.

3/ No There’s Not Something Wrong

My wife and I often ask ourselves, is something wrong with our children?

According to the CDC, 98.3% of kids(0-4) are healthy and have normal development.

Probability is on our side, and there isn’t likely something major wrong with your misbehaved youngster.

It’s common for kids to go through developments that we don’t understand.

4/ Kids Act Out

We may be well-intentioned and thoughtful parents, but our kids still act out.

It’s not a reflection on us.

Our kids are just learning how to be good humans. And it’s our job as dads to be patient (as possible) and help.

5/ Be Consistent

The best game is consistency …eventually, they will grow up and become the best versions of themselves as long as we keep consistent and loving.

This isn't just being consistent with our kids by being an example and showing them the behaviors we expect.

This is also being consistent with ourselves and our needs as dads.

And being consistent with our spouse because we all know that raising kids is a team sport.

6/ Don’t Look Back In Anger

Ok, cheeky Oasis reference, but try not to let anger rule.

Your kids don't mean any harm (most of the time) even though it might seem like it.

They’re likely dealing with something.

Dig in to find out what is bothering them.

Acknowledge their emotions.

Even if you disagree.

7/ Don’t Be Too Tough

Kids aren’t perfect, and we aren't perfect, either.

We all make mistakes, and sometimes we get sucker punched in the balls and want to strangle our 4-year-old.

(He thinks it's fun and acts like he's training for a boxing match).

The key is when we make a mistake and blow up, we explain to our kids that we messed up.

And move on.

Your kids will forgive you as long as you forgive yourself.

My takeaway

I love my kids, and sometimes they do shit that drives me up the wall.

Fellow dads, we're key to helping each other through fatherhood.

We can help each other let off some steam, so we don't erupt.

But we have to be open with each other.

Being open will help us find dads that share similar stories.

I promise it will be a big relief for you and helpful for them.

WAGMI (We’re All Going to Make It)

And.

One day we’ll look back and miss these days.

(Or at least, that is what I keep telling myself)

How do your kids drive you up a wall, and what have you learned that other dads can benefit from?

Raise Kids That Can Defeat Robots

Dads, have you ever thought, damn, Terminator is looking less like fiction?

Undoubtedly the future will look like some version of the Jetsons…full of robots.

Robots, or what we commonly refer to as Artificial Intelligence (AI), have caused more buzz than the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. 

The hype has been chiefly about OpenAI’s ChatGPT.

What is ChatGPT? 

First, AI stands for Artificial Intelligence, and it's like a robot brain that can think and learn on its own. 

And ChatGPT is a special kind of AI that can talk and write, just like you and me.

So imagine Pinky is like a regular person, and he wants to know something. But instead of asking the Brain, he asks ChatGPT. And ChatGPT can find the answer for him really fast, because it's really smart.

Just like how the Brain always has a plan to take over the world, AI and ChatGPT have a plan to help people with all sorts of things, like talking to a doctor, or helping with school work.

[ChatGPT’s answer when prompted to explain ChatGPT like Pinky and The Brain]

ChatGPT can draw up contracts, craft blogs, write code, pen essays, and pass exams.

ChatGPT could even get an elite MBA from a Uni like Wharton.

A Wharton MBA professor recently gave ChatGPT their course exam, and it beat students, scoring a B.  

If you think that’s impressive, ChatGPT passed the US Medical Licensing exam.

And coasted to a pass on the Bar exam (lawyers betta be scared).  

Educators worry that cheating will spread faster than the latest TikTok dance trend, stoking fear that AI will make many things we know today obsolete.  

So much for Waylon Jennings' advice:

“mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys…let’em be doctors and lawyers and such.”

So what?

The opportunity might be in what we value and how we teach our kids, so they don’t get replaced by robots. 

This tweet from Neil deGrasse Tyson (Astrophysicist) sums it up well.

When Students cheat on exams it's because our School System values grades more than Students value learning.

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) April 14, 2013

If parents and educators, continue to value grades over learning, we are destined to raise kids that robots can replace in the job market. 

Well, how can an exhausted, maybe non-techie, dad raise the John (or Sarah) Connors, that can defeat SkyNet (not get replaced by robots)?

Here are the 6 things I’m doing and you can do today:  

1/ Get familiar with AI 

You don’t have to be a genius or techie to use AI.  

ChatGPT is free, and interacting with it is as easy as typing in questions. 

There’s a fun website that lets you type in any word and creates an image from those words.  This AI tool is called DreamStudio.  

Try it out.  Have fun.  This is only the beginning.  

2/ Raise kids with traits that AI will not easily replace.  

Creativity, empathy, critical thinking, and communication (a big topic for a future blog post).

There are many ways to do this but to put it simply, model and encourage these behaviors through your own actions.

Think “monkey see, monkey do.”

And encourage them to; pursue passions like the arts, solve puzzles, name and discuss their emotions and find their favorite storytellers so they can read and learn to tell stories. 

3/ Expose them to AI early 

Use ChatGPT to explain a topic.  Use a prompt like this:

Explain [Insert Complex Topic] like [Their Favorite Cartoon Character] to [Grade level].

Example of a prompt I might use:

Explain nuclear fusion like paw patrol to a preschooler. 

Nuclear fusion is like when the Paw Patrol team works together to save the day. Just like how each pup has a special skill and job, the tiny things inside atoms called nuclei have special properties and when they work together, they can make a bigger and stronger atom. This process is called nuclear fusion and it's what makes the sun shine, and it's also what scientists are trying to do in special places called fusion reactors to make clean energy. Just like how the Paw Patrol team works together to save the day, Nuclear fusion can make a lot of energy for us to use.

Explore together.  Let your kids ask the questions.  Discuss where it is right and where it does not explain things fully. 

4/ See AI as a power tool 

Ok, so imagine you’re building a skate ramp for your kids.  

You could use a handsaw but damn, you will be there for hours.  Instead, you pull out your Dewalt battery-powered circular saw. 

This is how we should think of AI. It can help us work faster and better while saving us from some serious pain (dem’ shoulders get sore for days in your 40s)

Need to draft an email to an upset customer...use AI. 

Need an icebreaker or good “no fail’ question to start a meeting…use AI.

Want to draft a rental contract for a new tenant…see where I’m going with this? 

One emerging trend for using AI as a power tool is promptcraft.

Promptcraft is like being a woodworker and using power tools to aid in crafting a beautiful piece of furniture. 

The woodworker knows that the joints and the finish make the piece beautiful, so that’s where they spend most of their time learning and focusing.

Promptcraft uses AI to make quick and accurate cuts so you can spend your time on the joints and the finish to get a beautiful piece.  

5/ Explain to them how AI is already improving lives

I work in healthcare, and we’re using AI to make doctors' and nurses' jobs easier by finding diseases that even a trained eye might not catch.  

It is also helping find patients that might be at risk so they can get treatment before things get hopeless.

But it doesn’t stop with healthcare. Tesla and self-driving cars use AI to make roads safer by making decisions way quicker than distracted drivers (get off your phone).

Next time you see a Tesla on the road, make a note to your son or daughter and mention how the robot in the Tesla is making the roads safer for all of us. 

6/ Value learning over grades

Grades might have some value, but learning is the key to life.  Praise the act of trying, failing, reflecting, redesigning, and retrying. 

Hell, instead of sitting at a desk.  Play hooky (a post on this topic) with your child to learn something. Go to a museum, learn a new sport, or take a class on a new practical skill.

Try something, try anything that focuses on the act of learning.

Takeaway

We, dads, have a big responsibility, to make sure our kids don’t get replaced by robots.  

It starts with us learning about and embracing AI as a power tool that can make life better.  

Pick one of these things and start today. Your kids’ futures will depend on it.

“I’ll be back….”(said in my best Arnold voice)

How A Busy Dad Cut His Risk Of Dying In Half

We almost all fall prey to this…

Failed New Year's resolutions.

Have you heard Of Quitter’s Day? 

By the second week of February every year,  80% of new year’s resolutions have failed. 

The day you’re most likely to give up? 

January 19 has become known as Quitter’s Day.  

I’m not into the New Year’s resolution hype.  

Dec 31 isn’t any different than Jan 1, except “Dry January” enters the vocabulary.

But many things start anew on Jan 1 (fiscal years, taxes, insurance deductibles, my wife’s lettuce for lunch rule, etc.).  

I don’t mind the idea of wiping the slate clean and restarting.  

It's refreshing…like closing all your browser tabs and starting over (ahhhhhhh).   

So instead of setting myself up for failure with a resolution,  I create a mantra. 

Not the sitting-on-the-floor-eyes-closed-crosslegged-lotus-pose kind. 

Here’s what I mean by mantra.  

A word or phrase that guides my direction and decisions. (definitely not from webster).  

In 2022 my mantra was ‘Health.’  I wanted to be a healthy dad that could keep up with my three fiercely independent kids.    

A mantra is how this busy dad put up (or put down) some serious stats:

Me on 1/1/22 

- 210 lbs

- 289 total cholesterol 

- 3.5% risk of heart attack (in the next 10 years)

Me on 12/23/22

- 192 lbs (⬇️18lbs)

- 168 total cholesterol (⬇️ 121)

- 1.5% risk of heart attack (⬇️57%)

There were three things I did to live my mantra and improve my health. I will use these same three things to live out my mantra in 2023 (Growth):

1/ Went Monk

What is went monk?

It is a focused challenge + a fast.  

The key to going monk is to focus on one thing for a short duration (go to the gym 3 days a week for 30 days) and fasting distractions or vices (no beer during the week).   

This short duration and intense focus make the goal attainable and easier to turn into a habit.   

2/ Hired a coach 

I know what you are thinking… you're picturing a football coach screaming in your ear as his spit whacks you in the face like a sprinkler. 

What I mean by coach is an expert.  Someone that has been-there-done-that.  That can give you tips, keep you focused and challenge you.  

I hired a fitness coach and spent more time with my doctor. 

Coaches are crucial to success as kids and are even more important for exhausted dads.  

3/ Took a class 

I sang like Alice Cooper when I graduated college (schooooool’s out foor-ever!).  

As I get older, I realize how little I know and how important learning is to continue to grow as an adult.  

To live out my mantra each year, I take one or two classes (online or in person).  

For 2022 I took a fitness class.  It taught me to push my body while not getting hurt. 

Conclusion

So, try these tips to put down some serious numbers or achieve something new this year. 

And maybe Quitter’s Day will eventually perhaps become known as Doers Day.  

Salud to a happier and better you!   

The Secret Billionaires Have, For Losing Their Dad Bods

If you are like me, you’ve worked hard to get that dad bod.  And it’s not exactly going anytime soon.

I’ve been working on mine for 5 years.  Sympathy eating with my pregnant wife and neglecting exercise like I did my childhood pet hermit crab. Sorry, Hermy.

Well, good news! There is a secret weapon billionaires are using to shred their dad bods. Going from soft to svelte with almost no effort.   

Billionaires (most notably Elon Musk), celebs, and influencers are shooting it up like Johnny Weeks (Bubbles' heroin buddy in The Wire).  

The secret...a drug called Wegovy.

What the hell is Wegovy?

I’m glad you asked.  

It is an FDA-approved diabetes drug that you inject weekly to control diabetes.

And now, apparently, to lose weight.  

The scientists call it a glucagon-like peptide-1 (GLP-1) receptor agonist (aka semaglutide). Ya, I don’t know what the hell that means either.  But the Billionaire's secret sure intrigued me.  

And here’s the miracle…you get ripped without having to change your diet or exercise.  

How does it work? 

With the help of the Mayo Clinic, Google, and a few influencer docs, these are the 3 things Wegovy does to help the rich and famous get ripped:

1/ It kills appetite quicker than watching your kids sneeze on your food by messing with the brains receptors that control appetite (GLP-1).

2/ It slows digestion (food moving from stomach to intestines) to a crawl like gawkers checking out a fender bender during rush hour.  

3/ It wins Most Realistic Halloween Costume award by dressing up like insulin and tricking the body into thinking blood sugar levels are lower than they are.  Low blood sugar levels equal fat-burning zone.   

This sounds too good to be true.  

Why isn’t everyone on it?  

Well, everyone kinda is, or at least they’re trying to get their hands on it.  

Look at the Google search trend for Wegovy. It's bouncing off the ceiling like a champagne cork. 

It is so popular right now that a run on the drug is causing a shortage for people who need it for their diabetes (Ozempic).

So where can I get it?  

Hold up bucko. 

Let's talk about the downside; there are at least 3:

1/ Reports show that the fat loss is paired with an equal amount of muscle mass loss. I’m picturing a skeleton in a skin suit like Matthew McConaughey in Dallas Buyers Club. 

2/ It can give you gut cramps. Reminding me of a stomach bug that had me hunched desperately on the toilet for 24 hours straight.

3/ And there is just not enough data to show if the recreational use is worth the long-term effects of tricking your pancreas and brain into losing a few pounds. 

IMPORTANT CONCLUSION: 

This is not an endorsement of Wegovy. 

Here at Dynasty Dad we share science-based tools for busy dads that help you be the best dad possible.  

And health and wellness are part of the best version of you.  So we feel the duty to share the science about this emerging trend.    

TBH you won’t find me shooting up Wegovy anytime soon. 

However, just because it is trendy, doesn’t mean we should write it off as a fad.  

Science has made major advancements in treating the body and disease. 

Finally, there is nothing that beats good ol’ fashion diet and exercise. 

How do you think Rocky defeated the Russians?

Connect with Your Wife By Getting Awkward Like Michael Scott

Do you ever dread situations where you’re forced to meet someone new?

Do you cringe at meeting a new work colleague or attending a friend’s holiday party?

How will I fill those empty voids? How do I keep the conversation going? Those are just a couple of questions that race through my mind in these scenarios.  

Psychologists believe your next new friend might be made by exploring Michael Scott-style awkward questions.  

Michael Scott is notorious for his get-too-personal, too-quick style of interacting. 

But it’s not just Michael Scott who believes in getting up close and personal with new people.  

According to head doctors, guinea pigs participants in an awkward question study reported feeling more connected and happier with their ‘new acquaintances.’  

These researchers outlined a series of questions designed to make people feel vulnerable, which tends to break down walls and forge a closeness.  

I wanted to put it to the test, so I asked my wife if she would be up for a “hot new experiment” (she rolled her eyes at first but eventually got on board.)

I scrolled through the questions below, which turned into 45 minutes of fun and laughter.  Heck, I even learned something new about my wife. 

Try the questions out with your wife/partner before trying this on a stranger.  You both might have a good time, learn something new, and feel more connected. 

Of course, I can’t suggest being vulnerable without exposing myself.  So here are the awkward-inducing questions from the article and my response to add color. 

Q: "Can you describe a time you cried in front of another person?"

A: Nothing can bring tears like old yeller…definitely the passing of our family dog.

Q: "What is one of the more embarrassing moments in your life?"

A: Any one of the 100 times one of my kids lost it in public.

Q: "For what in your life do you feel most grateful?"

A: My daily routine.  Wake up early to write and read (before the monsters get up), do an AM workout, a midday meditation (in between juggling work and some fiercely independent kiddos). 

Q: "If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your future, or anything else, what would you want to know?"

A: Are we going to make it?  Our current forecast; is a Michigan winter, 3 kids under five, at home, while I’m trying to WFH. 

Q: "What do you love doing?"

A: Exploring and discovering.  Translation; hiking, hunting, traveling and foraging for mushrooms (not at the same time).  

Q: "What do you regret most?"

A: Wish I knew in my 20s what I know now (at 42). Translation; Invested in more real estate, went on a grand adventure (like the kid that built a log cabin by hand…check this out), did not work right after college but moved to Paris, tended bar, and learned French (oui, oui).

Q: "Where do you see yourself in five years?"

A: Also the worst interview question.  I didn’t answer, who knows what will happen in 5 years. 

And finally, the lightning round.  Here are a few more questions to keep the awkwardness going.  

Q: "Are you better at working, or relaxing?"

A: relaxing

Q: "Are you more sensitive to news, or fiction?"

A: probably news (I don’t think I would use this question). 

Q: "Given the choice, would you live alone or with others?"

A: This is easy…others. 

Q: "Which comes more naturally to you, gratitude or generosity?"

A: Generosity

Q: "Do you often forgo transparency for kindness?" 

A: Absolutely…sometimes I wish I was a bit blunter (Breaking Bad Saul-style)

So get awkward.  Start with your partner.  See what you learn.  And then, if it works, go all Michael Scott, and get awkward at your next meet and greet. 

5 Things I’m Doing In 2023 To Crush Dadding

A new year is like a new pair of underwear.  It doesn’t feel right until you’ve worn them in, if you know what I’m saying. 

Here are 5 things I plan on making 2023 fit a little more comfortably as a dad:

1/ No Judgment January

No Judgment January is like dry January but with the alcohol (well, not exactly). 

I’m committing for the next 30 days. 

The commitment; is not to judge, blame or criticize my kids.  

By approaching each scream, cry, yell, or fighting (you know, 2x4 over the head like Hacksaw Jim Duggan) as Sherlock Holmes, with complete curiosity, and without emotion.  

So rather than immediately judging, blaming, or criticizing, I am looking to understand the feeling or emotion causing my child’s temporary lapse of judgment. 

The goal is to be a calmer dad by being calmer in the most stressful situations with my kiddos.  

So a 30-day commitment it is.  

I hope that after 30 days, I’m not going to go back to judging, blaming, and criticizing because a good habit was formed by going hard for a short period.  

Wish me luck.

2/ Learn something new 

I found an Airbnb experience (renting an activity vs. a house) where I can learn to become a fun-ghi.   There’s a lady locally that teaches mushroom foraging. 

I already forage mushrooms (morels and puff balls) but want to ‘expand’ my mind.  I’m just going for edible mushrooms, not psychedelic type…I don’t think.  

It doesn’t matter what, but I feel like I’m growing when I'm learning.  

3/ An expanded source of info.  

I’m a podcast/YouTube junkie.  

I get a dopamine hit from learning something new, but I listen to the same four or five.  

I need to expand my horizon, so I’m searching for a new podcast.  

Two I’m considering are:  

Founders (https://founders.simplecast.com/) is one.  

Have you seen a business biography? They’re 900-page bibles.  

Founders is a one to two-hour summary of biographies of the most successful entrepreneurs (think Steve Jobs) highlighting the keys to their success.  

I’m also considering How To Take Over The World (https://www.httotw.com/), a concise summary of some of the greatest conquerors of land, industry, and economy. 

Any other podcasts I should consider?

4/ No more play-by-play. 

Recently, I had one of those light bulb moments when my wife gives me the play-by-play of how one of our kids is ruining the day…it sets me off.   

So I decided not to focus on the play-by-play but on the feeling I was feeling and tagging my wife in if my emotions were running high. 

Again the goal is to be Yoda (calm and consistent guide) for my kids.  And I can achieve that only if I’m not fired up.  

5/ One-on-one time 

Make one-on-one time a priority with each of my kids every week.  

A trip to the grocery store, a puzzle together, or maybe a snowy walk. 

A little individual time for us to connect. 

What are you doing to make 2023 the best year yet?

How To Make Christmas Less Stressful

Aaaah Christmas. 

Ever feel like Clark Griswold from Christmas vacation?

Stressed out trying to find your family that perfect gift while juggling hanging Christmas lights, closing out the year at work, and hosting family (especially your weird cousin)?

Here are five ways to make Christmas a little less stressful, keep our kids more grounded, and feel more connected. 

1/ Sling soup at a soup kitchen

Every year, the day after Christmas, my mom signed us up to serve at the local soup kitchen. 

We complained. We wanted to play with our Christmas toys at home in our PJs.  

However, we grew to enjoy it and have many great stories from this time.  

We also learned that people are in need, and serving others feels good. 

2/ Buy gifts for someone else’s family 

Wait, what family would give up gifts for Christmas?!?!

And how does this help me remove the stress of buying gifts by buying gifts for a whole other family?

Hear me out. 

Adopting a family is easier because they typically give you a list of wants and needs.  

You don’t need to find the perfect gift for each family member (this can be a painstaking hunt).  

Also, your kids eventually learn it is better to give than receive.  

Think about it.  Most of the ‘things’ your kids and spouse want are things we can get almost any day of the year if we need them.  

Many families don’t have this luxury, so why not teach the importance of giving by blessing a family in need?

3/ Stoke the embers of a new ritual

Holidays are all about tradition.  

Why not start something new (our blog about new rituals here). 

Try creating a new ritual that your family gets excited about every year.                

One idea we explored after having some of the most delicious pancakes diner pancakes was trying to recreate the perfect fluffy diner-style pancakes.  

Try a new recipe from scratch (no pre-boxed pancake mix).  

Let it get a little messy. 

Then each year, try to top the previous year's pancakes. Slathering those pancakes with butter and your neighbor's homemade maple syrup doesn’t hurt, either. 

4/ Learn a new party trick, as a family

We have gotten into the rhythm of doing family cooking classes together over the holidays.  

One year we learned to cook gritty south Philly Italian in a Philly neighborhood right out of the Rocky movie. 

Where do you find something like this? 

Look at Airbnb Experiences in your local area.  

Or check out a Masterclass.    

YouTube is a great place to learn how to DIY just about anything (learn to whistle loudly like a train or impress guests by learning to juggle).  

Do it together as a family. Even if it is a bust, there will still be a Christmas story that will likely live on for years. 

5/ Don’t do things, do experiences

Go to a museum with your family. 

Go on an epic hike (or snowshoe if you are in Northern Michigan) where the destination is a treat (bakery, breakfast, or brewery). 

Make a scavenger hunt (here’s one you can print off) in your neighborhood, and let the winner or winning team pick the next activity. 

The Takeaway

Let’s make the Holidays easier on ourselves and a little less stressful by finding ways to connect more and focusing on experiences rather than things. 

How To Raise Future-Proofed Kids

Ever wonder…geez, life is tough; I can’t imagine what it will be like for my kids?

I don’t have a crystal ball, but things have changed a ton since I was a kid, and I can only imagine that life will look pretty different when our kids grow up. 

One of the common characteristics of successful adults is that they’re comfortable with failure and mistakes.

Here’s why. 

Success in life is about learning from mistakes.  

Chamath Palihapitiya, the controversial billionaire with a rags-to-riches story, said, "life's success is how you control your mistakes. The way you control your mistakes is by making a bunch of mistakes.”  

Mistakes are jet fuel for success.   

We learn through mistakes because each mistake reduces the number and severity of future errors until we know what is needed to succeed.   

As our kids get older, the world around them (including us dads) expects them to make fewer mistakes and yet this is an inherently flawed mindset.  

Think about how mistakes lead us to some of our greatest discoveries in life. 

Some questionable dating mistakes are how we found our +1.  

Mistakes are what lead to thriving new businesses.  

Mistakes have uncovered breakthrough products, services, and nuclear fusion.

A culture of mistakes is how our kids become confident and entrepreneurial lil’ badasses ready to tackle whatever the future holds. 

So how do we make mistakes as much part of our family tradition as cheering for our favorite football team? 

Here are three ways you can start today:

1/ Make mistakes a side dish at dinnertime 

Ask your kids how they failed each day (check out the Art of Family Dinner Convo blog).

You, too, can participate by letting your kids know which mistakes you made that day.  

“Kids, I thought Scam Bank-Fried was a philanthropist and lost a mound of dirty fiat on the FTX crypto exchange.” 

Do this around the dinner table each night to make it routine.

Then ask them what they learned from their mistakes. 

By making it part of dinner each day, your kids will learn a tradition of valuing mistakes. 

2/ Celebrate mistakes

Treat mistakes as gifts.  Celebrate them.

Mistakes are a gift because each one is newly acquired knowledge.

Do this by going a little deeper once your kids share their mistakes.  They may even have failed several times that day.  

Ask them which mistake was their favorite and why.  

Ask them what they learned from their failure. 

Celebrating mistakes by talking about them will make them a part of your family tradition.  

3/ Don’t throw the flag and penalize 

It's easy to think not all mistakes are created equal.  

But I would argue it is important how we handle all mistakes, even mistakes that seem blatant or no-brainers, like when my son wakes up in the morning and douses our toilet like an unmanned garden hose.  

My instinct is to be like, “SON!  You suck at pissing! Sit down next time”!  

It is easy for me to default to anger or shame for intentional (taking the base screws out of dad’s office chair) or no-brainer (pissing all over the toilet seat) mistakes.  

But this is where a tradition of mistakes can start to erode.  

It would be better for me to acknowledge that his aim isn’t good quite yet, and until he learns to hit the bullseye, he will need to clean it up and go back to sitting when pissing.  

Our challenge to you:

The ability to embrace mistakes is a key to raising kids that can handle whatever the future throws at them.

Start by making mistakes a tradition by serving them daily at the dinner table.  Celebrate them, and don't penalize mistakes, even no-brainers. 

Let's get out there and push mistakes like weights (ode to the great poet Ice Cube).  

Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail. Do This Instead For Success In 2023.

Why do 91% of new year’s resolutions fail?

They’re too big of a change with an indefinite timeline.

Here is the better way to achieve goals or make changes.

Go monk.

What does it mean to go monk, you might ask?

To go monk or monk mode is a Challenge + Fast.

The key to going monk is to focus on one thing (exercise, a project, or a habit) for a short duration (1 week to 3 months) while eliminating self-defeating distractions and vices (i.e. no social media, no binging Netflix, no sweets, etc.).

This short duration and intense focus make the goal both attainable and easier to turn into a habit.

Going monk might be the best way to make real, lasting change.

The Challenge:

Don’t wait until Jan 1, 2023. Start Now!

Pick one thing (me: returning to my daily meditation).

There are 19 days until Jan 1, do it every day for 19 days.

It will become a habit going into the dark days of the new year.

And it will build momentum toward other goals!

Now get ‘in’ there and go monk!

A Letter To My Son

Whenever I describe your birth, I describe it as the best and most memorable moment of my life (the best day of my life was the day I married your mother). 

I vividly remember that day.  I know how you love it when I tell the story. 

So here it goes again. 

It started with your momma thinking she peed the bed (it was her water breaking).  

And a chain reaction was set in motion when I fired off a simple text “Meredith’s in labor.”  The text sent our whole family into a tizzy, especially Grammy.  

Side note: Grammy’s herd of friends were cheering for her to fulfill her life’s aspiration of being a grandma (you were it, buddy).  

Then hours of painful agony your momma endured (+12 hours of labor) to squeeze you out into this world. 

And your birth(I am crying right now just thinking about it). 

There was a love born at that moment that I never knew existed. 

It was a love for you, my sweet baby boy, and for your momma, who did all the hard work to bring you into this world. 

The pride I had for my new baby boy as I clipped the umbilical cord and you laid lightly crying with your pink and blue-veined skin covered in a waxy gook (vernix). 

The excitement and tears of joy as momma and I tossed names out for an hour and a half until we found the name that fit you, Henryk. 

Finally, we decided that we had held off the feral grandparents long enough.  We asked the nurses to open the gate to let your fiending family finally meet you. 

They tore back the curtain, and we announced you to our world (your family). 

“We want you to meet your new grandson, Henryk Wyatt”.  

There were so many hugs and kisses and tears of joy.   

You couldn’t leave the hospital without an examination.  The nurse came in, and Mimi and Grammy joined me to do a complete once-over. The nurse noted you looked healthy and normal except for one thing.  

The nurse said she had never seen anything like it in her 32-year career. 

“This is the tightest butt hole I have ever seen.”

Don’t ask me how she measured tightness or why that was the thing she chose to say but it makes us laugh every time we tell that part of the story.

That is your origin story.  

I needed to be reminded of the greatest moment in my life before I share with you the heaviness I am feeling today. 

One day, probably in the not-too-distant future, you will be able to read this.  

There are three things I hope you get from this letter; mistakes, emotions, and being a dad is tough at times.   

First, mistakes are an important part of life. I hope you will look at my mistakes with grace because I’m trying.

Here is an interesting way to look at the importance of mistakes.   

I recently listened to a podcast that interviewed Chamath Palihapitiya (a controversial billion with an amazing rags-to-riches story). 

Chamath said this about mistakes, “life's success is how you control your mistakes. You control your mistakes by making a bunch of mistakes.”  

Here’s how I interpret his quote. 

Success in life is about the speed and intensity of learning, and learning comes only through trying and failing. 

And the more we fail (make mistakes), especially early in life, the quicker we learn what works and how to succeed. 

I hope that my mistakes now will make me a better dad tomorrow. 

The second thing I hope you get from this letter is how I feel in this challenging phase. 

This letter is me showing you that all emotions (even negative ones) are ok and my attempt to share them in a healthy way with you.    

We are in a low, right now.  

What does a low feel like? 

It feels like being in the dark: a little scary and unclear which way is the right direction.  

I feel this way because we have tried everything, and nothing seems to be working right now. 

It feels like my senior year of high school soccer and getting knocked out in the playoffs. We put in so much work to get to that point but it was not enough.  

Your momma and I have put in a lot of work trying to be the best parents for you and your sisters.  

I’m also feeling frustrated that I can’t figure out what you need.  

You’re four and a half.  

I know it must be hard to express how you are feeling.

The frustration is also a frustration with myself because at times I let my emotions get the better of me, and I’m not always the calm emotional example you need.

As I write this letter, I am committed to you, your sisters, and our family that I will keep trying.  

Keep trying to be a better dad, understand what you need, and help you find ways to share your emotions in a healthy way. 

There are no bad emotions; all emotions are ok. 

My role as your dad and our role as parents is to show you and coach you how to share your emotions (even negative ones) in a good way that doesn’t harm you or those around you. 

Finally.

I love you, son.  I am proud of you.  And I am proud to be your father.  

What Making Pancakes Can Teach Us About Raising Great Kids

A friend once told me they refer to their firstborn as their first pancake.

Have you ever woken up early and had a craving for just-add-water pancake mix?

If you have, you can relate to the first pancake analogy. 

More times than not, the first pancake is slightly misshapen and not cooked right (too brown or too pale) as you get a feel for the pan and your cooking rhythm.

The first pancake is the test pancake, so all the other pancakes are perfectly cooked. 

Sometimes I feel this way with our firstborn. We made most of our mistakes with him, and our other kids benefited from their now 'experienced' parents.  

Before our first child, I researched and read books about raising the next Elon Musk.  

But nothing prepared me for that moment I became a father. It was exciting and scary.   

The great news is I learned a ton from our first pancake. Here are the four things I learned so you can avoid the test pancake:

Step 1 - Prep: Research shows that 0 to 7 years is the most critical development stage.

It took real-life challenges to find the right books.

Here are the 3 books that every dad should read before his first is born to navigate those early and most formative years. 

1/ Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It. 

Summary: The FBI's top hostage negotiator shares how empathy is the key to winning in business, life, and parenting. 

2/ No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame. 

Summary: As any great CEO uses confidence, respect, and calm direction, so should parents with their kids. Author Janet Lansbury shows how important it is to avoid being dismissive, judgemental, and demeaning which is key to raising confident and independent kids.   

3/ Twelve Hours Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old: A Step-by-Step Plan for Baby Sleep Success.

Summary: Sleeping is your child's first lesson in independence. Learning how to self-soothe and put themselves to sleep. A more rested baby and parenting unit is a happier and healthier household.

Step 2 - Proper Utensils: I imagined my role as a coach, teacher, and discipliner.  

But in those early years, it is more fundamental.

I discovered that so much of the early years are about calmly helping my kids identify and express their emotions.

This may sound touchy-feely, but I learned this is critical to the healthy development of all other areas.

Honestly, being a calm model to help my son recognize his emotions has helped me a ton.

I came to the realization that I needed to work on this myself.

Step 3 - Practice: Parenting is Practicing.

No dad is a perfect dad right from day one.

We all have things to work on.

Dadding is no different than putting the hours in at the gym, honing a craft, or improving a golf handicap.

It takes regular practice. Each interaction is an opportunity to practice and learn.

And hone those skills to become a Jedi master dad. 

Step 4 - Keep stacking: Even if imperfect, a hot pancake with syrup and butter tastes great.

Be easy on yourself.

Kids are forgiving, so you can forgive yourself.

I make mistakes all the time.

The key is to keep moving and try to get better each day.

Don't beat yourself up because your kids won't beat you up for making a mistake.  

So now I pass the spatula to you put in the prep, make sure you have the right utensils and the pan is hot, and keep flipping.  

I’m A Billionaire

Billionaire.

That's not a word most of us would associate ourselves with.

Bold statement alert... I am a billionaire and you probably are too.

Let me explain.

I’m 42 and what this means is that I’m at the tail end of a majority of my most important relationships and important experiences.

For instance, 90% of my time with my parents has already been spent. I lived with them full-time until I was 18 and now, I might see them one weekend a month. Most of my time with them has been lived.

The reverse is true for my kids. Over the next ~18 years, I will have spent 90% of my time with my kids.

This is sobering but also motivating.

Tim Urban has visualized this concept of the Tail End. He visualizes all his favorite things showing how much he has already experienced them and how much time he likely has left to experience each.

If I live to my mid-80s I might only have 40 Autumns left with my wife and kids…I better find a way to relish each one.

We can also look at this through the lens of time. If we took our graphing calculator with a couple of quick strokes you would see how most of us are billionaires.

Not by the zeroes in our bank account but as a measure of time. We're all likely ‘time’ billionaires. 11 days is a million seconds and 31 years is a billion seconds. That means most of us are billionaires with the wealth of time, our most precious resource.

My takeaway:

Since I am on the tail-end of most of my most important relationships and experiences I better make the most of my time with my kids, especially fall hikes.

And I am rich. I likely have a billion seconds left and it is up to me how I use that billion to enrich my life and my kids and the lives of those around me.

P.S. This was one of our last fall hikes of the season. Check out that lil’ creeper in the background.

One Mom-Rule Every Dad Should Break

Remember this classic line…

“No more horseplay!” Said every mom and teacher.  

‘No more horseplay’ is a rule every dad should break, and let me tell you why.

Even before I read any research, horseplay was and is part of our daily routine. 

I enjoy nothing more than sliding out of my work-from-home office between meetings and switching to my Evil Shredder voice.  Then chasing my four-year-old and two-year-old ninja turtles around and tossing them into the sewer (on the couch). 

Or I like transforming my eight-month-old into an 'Evil Ninja Baby' and chasing after the older two with a flying karate kick. 

It often ends with Evil Shredder (me) out of breath and a pile of ninja turtles on top practicing their ninja moves.  

Horseplay has a long tradition of being ‘banned’ by parents and teachers.  But I am glad to inform you that you don’t have to follow this rule because science says horseplay has big benefits.   

According to Dr. Anthony T. DeBenedet and Dr. Lawrence J. Cohen, in their book The Art of Roughhousing, here is what letting your ninja turtles go cowabunga on you can do for them:

• Horseplay builds confidence

• Horseplay helps solve behavioral issues  

• Horseplay allows children to develop a sense of balance and coordination

• Horseplay can promote social and emotional development in children

So, the next time you see your ninja turtles engage in some horseplay, don’t tell them to stop.   Instead, summon your inner Shredder and join in.  It will make you feel good about breaking a long-standing rule, and your kids will be better off.