What Making Pancakes Can Teach Us About Raising Great Kids

A friend once told me they refer to their firstborn as their first pancake.

Have you ever woken up early and had a craving for just-add-water pancake mix?

If you have, you can relate to the first pancake analogy. 

More times than not, the first pancake is slightly misshapen and not cooked right (too brown or too pale) as you get a feel for the pan and your cooking rhythm.

The first pancake is the test pancake, so all the other pancakes are perfectly cooked. 

Sometimes I feel this way with our firstborn. We made most of our mistakes with him, and our other kids benefited from their now 'experienced' parents.  

Before our first child, I researched and read books about raising the next Elon Musk.  

But nothing prepared me for that moment I became a father. It was exciting and scary.   

The great news is I learned a ton from our first pancake. Here are the four things I learned so you can avoid the test pancake:

Step 1 - Prep: Research shows that 0 to 7 years is the most critical development stage.

It took real-life challenges to find the right books.

Here are the 3 books that every dad should read before his first is born to navigate those early and most formative years. 

1/ Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It. 

Summary: The FBI's top hostage negotiator shares how empathy is the key to winning in business, life, and parenting. 

2/ No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame. 

Summary: As any great CEO uses confidence, respect, and calm direction, so should parents with their kids. Author Janet Lansbury shows how important it is to avoid being dismissive, judgemental, and demeaning which is key to raising confident and independent kids.   

3/ Twelve Hours Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old: A Step-by-Step Plan for Baby Sleep Success.

Summary: Sleeping is your child's first lesson in independence. Learning how to self-soothe and put themselves to sleep. A more rested baby and parenting unit is a happier and healthier household.

Step 2 - Proper Utensils: I imagined my role as a coach, teacher, and discipliner.  

But in those early years, it is more fundamental.

I discovered that so much of the early years are about calmly helping my kids identify and express their emotions.

This may sound touchy-feely, but I learned this is critical to the healthy development of all other areas.

Honestly, being a calm model to help my son recognize his emotions has helped me a ton.

I came to the realization that I needed to work on this myself.

Step 3 - Practice: Parenting is Practicing.

No dad is a perfect dad right from day one.

We all have things to work on.

Dadding is no different than putting the hours in at the gym, honing a craft, or improving a golf handicap.

It takes regular practice. Each interaction is an opportunity to practice and learn.

And hone those skills to become a Jedi master dad. 

Step 4 - Keep stacking: Even if imperfect, a hot pancake with syrup and butter tastes great.

Be easy on yourself.

Kids are forgiving, so you can forgive yourself.

I make mistakes all the time.

The key is to keep moving and try to get better each day.

Don't beat yourself up because your kids won't beat you up for making a mistake.  

So now I pass the spatula to you put in the prep, make sure you have the right utensils and the pan is hot, and keep flipping.