Dads, Don’t Make This Common Mistake

Dads, stop making this common mistake that might prevent your kids from thriving.  

We all want to raise confident and independent kids. 

But, like me, you’ve probably used this common, seemingly harmless phrase. 

And it might be planting seeds of doubt and fear in our kids.  

The great thing is there is a simple fix.  

But first, the seemingly benign phrase.

“Be careful.” 

 Each time we say “be careful,” what we’re really saying is;

“Hey, I'm afraid (fear) you’re going to get hurt,” and “you’re not capable of thinking about the risk, and you need me to remind you.”

Trust me, I’ve said it, but I try not to because…

By saying “be careful,” we’re subtly reinforcing that we fear things and our kids should too. 

And we lack trust in their ability to navigate life.   

The result is unnecessary anxiety.  

Of course, none of us wake up in the morning and declare, “how can I make my kids more anxious, afraid, and a little less confident.”  

We all want to raise confident, independent little explorers.

AND we want them to grow up with all their limbs, intact.  

So here’s the easy fix. 

Instead of “be careful” 

Say, “what's your plan?” 

But you might think, what if my kid is barrelling toward boiling water? 

Or dashing for the busy street.  That’s not good, right?   

There is a solution for this too.  But first, here’s why “what’s your plan?” is the fix.

By using ‘what’s your plan” instead of “be careful,” you’re getting your kids to think about their actions, what they are trying to do, and the potential outcome. 

Our goal as parents should be for our kids to assess risk independently.  

Not to avoid risk. 

Especially as they enter a future that will likely look very different than the one we live in. 

With tech changing things daily, our kids will need to be great at assessing risk rather than avoiding it.  

If they still don’t see the inherent risk in climbing to the top of a dead tree.  

We might add a follow-up question like how are you going to make sure the limb doesn’t break beneath you or how are you going to get down?

This gets them to anticipate and think through potential obstacles or failure points. 

Now back to them in immediate danger, like barrelling toward boiling water or dashing for a busy street. 

When we dads are babysitting our kids (my wife says, “you don’t ‘babysit’ your own kids”), it is our job to keep them safe.  

Sometimes we need to swoop in like superman and save them but then take the time to reflect.  

I would argue this is rare, but sometimes our kids have a lapse in judgment and decide they want to play frogger with traffic.  

Once you save them, don’t yell.  

Simply ask them if they understand why you swooped in.  

Ask them what might have happened if you let them complete the action.

Then explain to them how we need to respect things that could hurt us.   

Takeaway:

So the next time you go to say, “be careful,” catch yourself and ask your child, “what’s your plan?”  

They will likely look at you like you have six heads because they are used to hearing “be careful.” 

Consistently taking the “what’s your plan?” approach will give them the confidence to independently assess the risk of things. 

They will be more confident, independent, and ready to take on risks. 

Because if they’re avoiding risk, they’re avoiding success.