Parenting Is Like Hitting A Wall

Parenting is like climbing a rock wall.

It requires a partner, the belayer (at least to do it safely).

It’s extremely fatiguing (it can hurt like hell).

But when you make progress, you lock it in (climbing uses anchors aka belays)

And the hope is that it was worth it once you get to the top.

I mean, I’ve never met a dad who has been through it and doesn’t say it was worth it.

They could be lying, but I won’t know til I get to the top.

“on belay!” (the command in climbing, letting your partner know you are ready to climb)

Temperament: The Secret To Parenting

This is a picture of my youngest, and she shares my temperament (sanguine).

I get her and she is easy for me to parent.

My son has a very different temperament. One that neither my wife or I share.

And largely because of his different temperament, it has encouraged us to read over 20 parenting books with titles like “Parenting With Zen”.

And I’ll be honest I’ve not figured out how to always parent with zen.

But there is one book that has helped me unlock a cheat code to parenting.

And given me a new way to look at how I interact with each of my kids.

That secret is knowing and understanding our child’s temperament.

Here are my takeaways from reading "The Temperament God Gave Your Kids" by Art and Laraine Bennett so you don’t have to read it.

1/ Temperament Is Nature Not Nurture.

Man, did this give me relief.

If you are like me, I sometimes get embarrassed by my kids behavior in public or around family and friends.

Whether they are too shy to engage or too loud and trying to be the center of attention or too aggressive and like to pull out the Mike Tyson uppercut.

It isn’t something I did or didn’t do as a parent…its’s just their nature.

2/ Knowledge Is Power

The Bennetts explain that understanding your kid's temperament is like knowing the dance steps to their unique rhythm.

So, what are these temperaments?

According to the Bennetts, psychologists have found there are 4 types of temperaments, and every child is born with some combination of these 4.

Like a buffet table of personality flavors: sanguine, choleric, melancholic, and phlegmatic.

Here is a table of each temperament and a description:

Each child is some mix of these, and figuring out their combo is like finding the right playlist for their mood.

For example, my sanguine sweetheart might be the next stand-up comedian.

While my melancholic munchkin could write soul-stirring poetry.

So instead of dragging my introverted child to every soccer game or expecting my extrovert to read quietly for hours, I’m learning to embrace their innate talents.

Nurture their strengths while gently encouraging them to dip their toes into new waters.

3/ The Role Of A Parent Is Special

Let’s take tantrums as a super fun example.

Those unpredictable storms that sweep through even the sunniest of days.

Understanding my child's temperament can help weather these emotional hurricanes.

As a parent, I have the unique role of understanding my child, their temperament and teaching them mechanisms to express and get control of their emotions.

A choleric child's meltdown might be about control, while a phlegmatic little one just wants a cozy corner to curl up in.

Armed with this knowledge, I can tailor my tactics.

For example, if my sanguine’s spirit is spiraling, an engaging distraction might work wonders.

On the other hand, if my melancholic cherub is in the throes of despair, a comforting hug and a listening ear could do the trick.

4/ And For The Next Playdate

Playdates can be a circus act of juggling personalities, preferences, and patience.

Sanguines are the party planners, ensuring fun and games galore.

Cholerics are natural leaders, ready to organize and take charge.

Melancholics add depth to the conversation, contributing thoughtful insights.

And phlegmatics? They're the peacekeepers, making sure everyone gets along.

So let my sanguine sprinkle a dash of excitement, my choleric guide the games, my melancholic deepen the discussions, and for phlegmatic (we do not have one of these “easy” kids) ensure harmony reigns.

5/ A Strength Gone To Far Is A Challenge

As parents, our role is to give our kids the ability to express and eventually handle their emotions in a healthy way.

To find the strength in their temperament.

For my choleric son wants to be in control and prefers aggression over finding agreement.

I have to understand that his outbursts are not personal and not caused by something I did or didn’t do.

And my responsibility is to coach him on how to find the strengths in his temperament like leadership and determination versus control and aggression.

Parenting is an adventure.

It truly teaches me something about myself everyday.

With this newfound knowledge, I feel more equipped to navigate the challenges, celebrate their strengths, and dance to the rhythm of their personalities.

Lets Go!!!

The 9 Do’s And Don’ts Of A Father-Daughter Roadtrip

I’m a girl dad.

I have two daughters.

I met a dad whose daughters were now in their early 30s. He shared with me his favorite way to connect with his daughter as they got older and too cool for school was a father-daughter trip.

He said he allowed each of his children to choose the destination.

They could go anywhere they were interested, just him and her.

He did it in middle school before their idea of fun was an Instagram trip to the Maldives.

My girls aren’t old enough yet but I imagine one day I will do a road trip with each of my girls to a destination of their choice.

Here are the 9 DOs and DON’Ts, as a reminder to myself for my future father-daughter road trips.

DO: Make Your Daughter Lead Navigator

Make her your co-pilot by making her your navigator so she feels a part of the journey and not just a passenger.

DON’T: Be The Roadtrip Dictator

Try not to say ‘no’. If she asks you to do something you don’t like, try using “yes” “and” adding the thing you daddio want to do.

Example: Daughter says, “let’s get a manicure!” You: “Yes and let’s go to a driving range after and hit a bucket o’ balls.”

DO: Allow Time For Spontaneous Adventure

This may be the most important reminder. Leave some extra time so that you can stop, make a detour, or stay a little extra time in one place.

This ‘do’ allows for unexpected experiences that create the stories that will last the test of time.

DON’T: Pass Through A Major City During Rush Hour

Nothing kills the excitement of a road trip more than traffic. Avoid it by avoiding major cities during rush hour.

DO: Take A Peek Under The Hood Before Embarking

Make sure the oil is changed and the fluids are topped up. Preventative maintenance is crucial to avoid waiting on the roadside for a tow truck.

DON’T: Be A Cheapskate

Ok, I’m not saying you go ‘Crazy Rich Asian’ but don’t be a cheapskate…splurge just a little.

DO: Bring Camping Supplies!

And mix it up.

Don’t just stay in hotels and eat at the Cracker Barrell across the parking lot.

Bring some camping gear, cook over a campfire, and fall asleep to the smell of smoke in your hair—nothing better than fresh air and shooing away raccoons all night.

DON’T: Check Your Emails

Let the road trip be for you and your daughter.

Work will be waiting for you when you return.

Only use your phone for navigation or a hot tip or two.

Don’t check email, nothing in that email will be more important than the time you have with your daughter.

DO: Give Your Kid Disposable Cameras and Hire Him As Your Photographer

Or an old phone so they can ONLY take pictures and document the adventure.

One day on your Alexa or Google Home you will see those pictures and the memories will come flooding back.

BONUS: DO NOT USE THE ROAD-TRIP TO GIVE “THE TALK”

No explanation needed. That sounds uncomfortable.

Be present. Do it together. Be curious. Be open. And don’t push an agenda.

TBH, my weekend, it sucked.

TBH, my weekend, it sucked.

Saturday morning began with me twiddling my thumbs, waiting for our adorable 3-year-old to rise from her slumber.

And boy, did she take their sweet time—didn't pop up until a glorious 10 a.m.

The rest of the day? A whirlwind of backbreaking yard work. Picture me hauling rocks, moving an ancient fence I dismantled, and triumphantly assembling a brand-new trampoline.

But instead of basking in the results by going on a tranquil hike or some well-deserved relaxation, our eldest fell ill faster than a bowling ball in a kiddie pool. Poor kiddo.

When we finally got the kids to bed and thought we could savor a moment of husband-and-wife time, our son woke up, and the next two hours were a chaotic symphony of puking.

And the icing on the cake, my early morning fishing plans...dashed.

Courtesy of my son's heroic performance of vomiting and, uh, other unmentionables.

And our other two bundles of joy decided to treat us to a chorus of "wake ups" throughout the night (a blowout diaper and several "I'm scared").

But you know what? Looking back on it, I realize something. This rollercoaster of a weekend reminded me of the true essence of being called "Dad."

🧡 We care.

🛠 We build.

💥 We provide.

💪 We summon our strength.

You know what? Scratch that my weekend didn't suck. In fact, it was pretty darn incredible.

Sure, I didn't get to do what I had planned, but I got to fully embrace the magnificent role of a dad—the sleepless nights, the unexpected messes, the comforting whispers in the dark.

It's a true testament to the power of fatherhood.

So, maybe your weekend wasn't all rainbows and unicorns either, but I have a hunch that amidst the chaos, you shone brilliantly as a dad.

Let's celebrate the journey of fatherhood together!

P.S. Pic of my two bundles of joy I devoted extra attention to this weekend.

Getting In Over My Waders As A Dad

I found myself wading in deeper water than I anticipated, and the force of the current only pushed me further.

Initially, a sense of panic started to take hold of me, but I soon realized there was no way to stop what was happening.

I was in over my waders.

It happened on a recent fishing weekend with my dad.

The water crept closer and closer to the top of my waders until it was too late.

As a result, my waders filled up, and I had to float myself to the bank, and drag my waterlogged body to some dry ground.

Struggling to remove my waders, I was determined not to let this setback ruin my day.

After pouring out a hilarious amount of water and wringing out my socks and fleece, I did what any dedicated fisherman would do - I went back to fishing.

Have you ever felt in over your waders as a father?

I recently found myself pushed in over my waders as a dad.

I strive for my children to see me as patient, curious, and lighthearted, but a recent moment didn't align with any of those qualities.

I won't give you the messy details…I lost my cool and we made quite the scene in the parking lot of one of our favorite local eating establishments (not sure we are welcomed back).

I felt like that time in high school when my parents found the stash of empty beer cans from the party I wasn’t supposed to throw while they were out of town.

I was embarrassed and disappointed in myself.

I've been beating myself up over my lack of patience and emotional restraint.

However, I can’t let one mess up ruin things; I’ve got to keep trying.

This incident has prompted me to reflect on the nature of parenting.

It's a lifelong journey, and each day presents countless opportunities for me to be a better father.

Fortunately, my children have already forgiven me, and now I'm also learning to forgive myself.

I'm committed to making an effort daily to improve and grow.

I’m going to dump out those waders and get back at it.

We Hired An Expert

Being a dad sometimes feels like a circus.
 
And not the Cirque du Soleil kind.

Most days feel more like Jackie Moon wrestling Dewey the Killer Bear in Semi-Pro, entertaining but on the edge of chaos.   

Most days it feels like I’m shouting “Spumoni” but it doesn’t stop.  

Entertaining but always on the edge of chaos.   

On a recent hike, in the first half, we were having fun discovering treasures of the deep woods.

And then.

Our youngest started crying inconsolably.

While our 3-year-old wanted to be carried.

And our 4 yo pooped his pants. 

Diarrhea has a way of showing up at the most inopportune times. 

I stripped him down in the rainy, 40-degree weather.

Requiring me to put down our 3 yo which sent her into a meltdown.     

I then used his socks as TP (sorry future hikers, for desecrating the untainted trail).

Our nerves were shot; I would rather have been chased by a bear.

And then, instead of going out to dinner as planned, we headed straight home.

Where I had to look at the landscaping projects that have been staring me in the face for almost 2 years.

Our yard was a wreck when we bought the house. We spent the last 2 summers pulling shrubs and removing concrete.

We wanted to do some beautification to move our circus outside when the weather is nice and enjoy our yard.   

But we’ve had difficulty finding the time and energy amidst our routine.

So we decided to hire an expert. 

And we found a landscaping magician to help us beautify our yard so we could enjoy ourselves. 

And it was exactly what we needed.

Offloading projects, better suited for someone else, helps me enjoy the circus more.

And the reduced stress prevents it from devolving into chaos as often.

P.S. The pic is of our Space Cowboy and Cowgirl enjoying our new firepit. Apparently, Space Cowboys fly shirtless.

Dads, Don’t Make This Common Mistake

Dads, stop making this common mistake that might prevent your kids from thriving.  

We all want to raise confident and independent kids. 

But, like me, you’ve probably used this common, seemingly harmless phrase. 

And it might be planting seeds of doubt and fear in our kids.  

The great thing is there is a simple fix.  

But first, the seemingly benign phrase.

“Be careful.” 

 Each time we say “be careful,” what we’re really saying is;

“Hey, I'm afraid (fear) you’re going to get hurt,” and “you’re not capable of thinking about the risk, and you need me to remind you.”

Trust me, I’ve said it, but I try not to because…

By saying “be careful,” we’re subtly reinforcing that we fear things and our kids should too. 

And we lack trust in their ability to navigate life.   

The result is unnecessary anxiety.  

Of course, none of us wake up in the morning and declare, “how can I make my kids more anxious, afraid, and a little less confident.”  

We all want to raise confident, independent little explorers.

AND we want them to grow up with all their limbs, intact.  

So here’s the easy fix. 

Instead of “be careful” 

Say, “what's your plan?” 

But you might think, what if my kid is barrelling toward boiling water? 

Or dashing for the busy street.  That’s not good, right?   

There is a solution for this too.  But first, here’s why “what’s your plan?” is the fix.

By using ‘what’s your plan” instead of “be careful,” you’re getting your kids to think about their actions, what they are trying to do, and the potential outcome. 

Our goal as parents should be for our kids to assess risk independently.  

Not to avoid risk. 

Especially as they enter a future that will likely look very different than the one we live in. 

With tech changing things daily, our kids will need to be great at assessing risk rather than avoiding it.  

If they still don’t see the inherent risk in climbing to the top of a dead tree.  

We might add a follow-up question like how are you going to make sure the limb doesn’t break beneath you or how are you going to get down?

This gets them to anticipate and think through potential obstacles or failure points. 

Now back to them in immediate danger, like barrelling toward boiling water or dashing for a busy street. 

When we dads are babysitting our kids (my wife says, “you don’t ‘babysit’ your own kids”), it is our job to keep them safe.  

Sometimes we need to swoop in like superman and save them but then take the time to reflect.  

I would argue this is rare, but sometimes our kids have a lapse in judgment and decide they want to play frogger with traffic.  

Once you save them, don’t yell.  

Simply ask them if they understand why you swooped in.  

Ask them what might have happened if you let them complete the action.

Then explain to them how we need to respect things that could hurt us.   

Takeaway:

So the next time you go to say, “be careful,” catch yourself and ask your child, “what’s your plan?”  

They will likely look at you like you have six heads because they are used to hearing “be careful.” 

Consistently taking the “what’s your plan?” approach will give them the confidence to independently assess the risk of things. 

They will be more confident, independent, and ready to take on risks. 

Because if they’re avoiding risk, they’re avoiding success. 

The Secret Billionaires Have, For Losing Their Dad Bods

If you are like me, you’ve worked hard to get that dad bod.  And it’s not exactly going anytime soon.

I’ve been working on mine for 5 years.  Sympathy eating with my pregnant wife and neglecting exercise like I did my childhood pet hermit crab. Sorry, Hermy.

Well, good news! There is a secret weapon billionaires are using to shred their dad bods. Going from soft to svelte with almost no effort.   

Billionaires (most notably Elon Musk), celebs, and influencers are shooting it up like Johnny Weeks (Bubbles' heroin buddy in The Wire).  

The secret...a drug called Wegovy.

What the hell is Wegovy?

I’m glad you asked.  

It is an FDA-approved diabetes drug that you inject weekly to control diabetes.

And now, apparently, to lose weight.  

The scientists call it a glucagon-like peptide-1 (GLP-1) receptor agonist (aka semaglutide). Ya, I don’t know what the hell that means either.  But the Billionaire's secret sure intrigued me.  

And here’s the miracle…you get ripped without having to change your diet or exercise.  

How does it work? 

With the help of the Mayo Clinic, Google, and a few influencer docs, these are the 3 things Wegovy does to help the rich and famous get ripped:

1/ It kills appetite quicker than watching your kids sneeze on your food by messing with the brains receptors that control appetite (GLP-1).

2/ It slows digestion (food moving from stomach to intestines) to a crawl like gawkers checking out a fender bender during rush hour.  

3/ It wins Most Realistic Halloween Costume award by dressing up like insulin and tricking the body into thinking blood sugar levels are lower than they are.  Low blood sugar levels equal fat-burning zone.   

This sounds too good to be true.  

Why isn’t everyone on it?  

Well, everyone kinda is, or at least they’re trying to get their hands on it.  

Look at the Google search trend for Wegovy. It's bouncing off the ceiling like a champagne cork. 

It is so popular right now that a run on the drug is causing a shortage for people who need it for their diabetes (Ozempic).

So where can I get it?  

Hold up bucko. 

Let's talk about the downside; there are at least 3:

1/ Reports show that the fat loss is paired with an equal amount of muscle mass loss. I’m picturing a skeleton in a skin suit like Matthew McConaughey in Dallas Buyers Club. 

2/ It can give you gut cramps. Reminding me of a stomach bug that had me hunched desperately on the toilet for 24 hours straight.

3/ And there is just not enough data to show if the recreational use is worth the long-term effects of tricking your pancreas and brain into losing a few pounds. 

IMPORTANT CONCLUSION: 

This is not an endorsement of Wegovy. 

Here at Dynasty Dad we share science-based tools for busy dads that help you be the best dad possible.  

And health and wellness are part of the best version of you.  So we feel the duty to share the science about this emerging trend.    

TBH you won’t find me shooting up Wegovy anytime soon. 

However, just because it is trendy, doesn’t mean we should write it off as a fad.  

Science has made major advancements in treating the body and disease. 

Finally, there is nothing that beats good ol’ fashion diet and exercise. 

How do you think Rocky defeated the Russians?

Connect with Your Wife By Getting Awkward Like Michael Scott

Do you ever dread situations where you’re forced to meet someone new?

Do you cringe at meeting a new work colleague or attending a friend’s holiday party?

How will I fill those empty voids? How do I keep the conversation going? Those are just a couple of questions that race through my mind in these scenarios.  

Psychologists believe your next new friend might be made by exploring Michael Scott-style awkward questions.  

Michael Scott is notorious for his get-too-personal, too-quick style of interacting. 

But it’s not just Michael Scott who believes in getting up close and personal with new people.  

According to head doctors, guinea pigs participants in an awkward question study reported feeling more connected and happier with their ‘new acquaintances.’  

These researchers outlined a series of questions designed to make people feel vulnerable, which tends to break down walls and forge a closeness.  

I wanted to put it to the test, so I asked my wife if she would be up for a “hot new experiment” (she rolled her eyes at first but eventually got on board.)

I scrolled through the questions below, which turned into 45 minutes of fun and laughter.  Heck, I even learned something new about my wife. 

Try the questions out with your wife/partner before trying this on a stranger.  You both might have a good time, learn something new, and feel more connected. 

Of course, I can’t suggest being vulnerable without exposing myself.  So here are the awkward-inducing questions from the article and my response to add color. 

Q: "Can you describe a time you cried in front of another person?"

A: Nothing can bring tears like old yeller…definitely the passing of our family dog.

Q: "What is one of the more embarrassing moments in your life?"

A: Any one of the 100 times one of my kids lost it in public.

Q: "For what in your life do you feel most grateful?"

A: My daily routine.  Wake up early to write and read (before the monsters get up), do an AM workout, a midday meditation (in between juggling work and some fiercely independent kiddos). 

Q: "If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your future, or anything else, what would you want to know?"

A: Are we going to make it?  Our current forecast; is a Michigan winter, 3 kids under five, at home, while I’m trying to WFH. 

Q: "What do you love doing?"

A: Exploring and discovering.  Translation; hiking, hunting, traveling and foraging for mushrooms (not at the same time).  

Q: "What do you regret most?"

A: Wish I knew in my 20s what I know now (at 42). Translation; Invested in more real estate, went on a grand adventure (like the kid that built a log cabin by hand…check this out), did not work right after college but moved to Paris, tended bar, and learned French (oui, oui).

Q: "Where do you see yourself in five years?"

A: Also the worst interview question.  I didn’t answer, who knows what will happen in 5 years. 

And finally, the lightning round.  Here are a few more questions to keep the awkwardness going.  

Q: "Are you better at working, or relaxing?"

A: relaxing

Q: "Are you more sensitive to news, or fiction?"

A: probably news (I don’t think I would use this question). 

Q: "Given the choice, would you live alone or with others?"

A: This is easy…others. 

Q: "Which comes more naturally to you, gratitude or generosity?"

A: Generosity

Q: "Do you often forgo transparency for kindness?" 

A: Absolutely…sometimes I wish I was a bit blunter (Breaking Bad Saul-style)

So get awkward.  Start with your partner.  See what you learn.  And then, if it works, go all Michael Scott, and get awkward at your next meet and greet. 

5 Things I’m Doing In 2023 To Crush Dadding

A new year is like a new pair of underwear.  It doesn’t feel right until you’ve worn them in, if you know what I’m saying. 

Here are 5 things I plan on making 2023 fit a little more comfortably as a dad:

1/ No Judgment January

No Judgment January is like dry January but with the alcohol (well, not exactly). 

I’m committing for the next 30 days. 

The commitment; is not to judge, blame or criticize my kids.  

By approaching each scream, cry, yell, or fighting (you know, 2x4 over the head like Hacksaw Jim Duggan) as Sherlock Holmes, with complete curiosity, and without emotion.  

So rather than immediately judging, blaming, or criticizing, I am looking to understand the feeling or emotion causing my child’s temporary lapse of judgment. 

The goal is to be a calmer dad by being calmer in the most stressful situations with my kiddos.  

So a 30-day commitment it is.  

I hope that after 30 days, I’m not going to go back to judging, blaming, and criticizing because a good habit was formed by going hard for a short period.  

Wish me luck.

2/ Learn something new 

I found an Airbnb experience (renting an activity vs. a house) where I can learn to become a fun-ghi.   There’s a lady locally that teaches mushroom foraging. 

I already forage mushrooms (morels and puff balls) but want to ‘expand’ my mind.  I’m just going for edible mushrooms, not psychedelic type…I don’t think.  

It doesn’t matter what, but I feel like I’m growing when I'm learning.  

3/ An expanded source of info.  

I’m a podcast/YouTube junkie.  

I get a dopamine hit from learning something new, but I listen to the same four or five.  

I need to expand my horizon, so I’m searching for a new podcast.  

Two I’m considering are:  

Founders (https://founders.simplecast.com/) is one.  

Have you seen a business biography? They’re 900-page bibles.  

Founders is a one to two-hour summary of biographies of the most successful entrepreneurs (think Steve Jobs) highlighting the keys to their success.  

I’m also considering How To Take Over The World (https://www.httotw.com/), a concise summary of some of the greatest conquerors of land, industry, and economy. 

Any other podcasts I should consider?

4/ No more play-by-play. 

Recently, I had one of those light bulb moments when my wife gives me the play-by-play of how one of our kids is ruining the day…it sets me off.   

So I decided not to focus on the play-by-play but on the feeling I was feeling and tagging my wife in if my emotions were running high. 

Again the goal is to be Yoda (calm and consistent guide) for my kids.  And I can achieve that only if I’m not fired up.  

5/ One-on-one time 

Make one-on-one time a priority with each of my kids every week.  

A trip to the grocery store, a puzzle together, or maybe a snowy walk. 

A little individual time for us to connect. 

What are you doing to make 2023 the best year yet?

How To Make Christmas Less Stressful

Aaaah Christmas. 

Ever feel like Clark Griswold from Christmas vacation?

Stressed out trying to find your family that perfect gift while juggling hanging Christmas lights, closing out the year at work, and hosting family (especially your weird cousin)?

Here are five ways to make Christmas a little less stressful, keep our kids more grounded, and feel more connected. 

1/ Sling soup at a soup kitchen

Every year, the day after Christmas, my mom signed us up to serve at the local soup kitchen. 

We complained. We wanted to play with our Christmas toys at home in our PJs.  

However, we grew to enjoy it and have many great stories from this time.  

We also learned that people are in need, and serving others feels good. 

2/ Buy gifts for someone else’s family 

Wait, what family would give up gifts for Christmas?!?!

And how does this help me remove the stress of buying gifts by buying gifts for a whole other family?

Hear me out. 

Adopting a family is easier because they typically give you a list of wants and needs.  

You don’t need to find the perfect gift for each family member (this can be a painstaking hunt).  

Also, your kids eventually learn it is better to give than receive.  

Think about it.  Most of the ‘things’ your kids and spouse want are things we can get almost any day of the year if we need them.  

Many families don’t have this luxury, so why not teach the importance of giving by blessing a family in need?

3/ Stoke the embers of a new ritual

Holidays are all about tradition.  

Why not start something new (our blog about new rituals here). 

Try creating a new ritual that your family gets excited about every year.                

One idea we explored after having some of the most delicious pancakes diner pancakes was trying to recreate the perfect fluffy diner-style pancakes.  

Try a new recipe from scratch (no pre-boxed pancake mix).  

Let it get a little messy. 

Then each year, try to top the previous year's pancakes. Slathering those pancakes with butter and your neighbor's homemade maple syrup doesn’t hurt, either. 

4/ Learn a new party trick, as a family

We have gotten into the rhythm of doing family cooking classes together over the holidays.  

One year we learned to cook gritty south Philly Italian in a Philly neighborhood right out of the Rocky movie. 

Where do you find something like this? 

Look at Airbnb Experiences in your local area.  

Or check out a Masterclass.    

YouTube is a great place to learn how to DIY just about anything (learn to whistle loudly like a train or impress guests by learning to juggle).  

Do it together as a family. Even if it is a bust, there will still be a Christmas story that will likely live on for years. 

5/ Don’t do things, do experiences

Go to a museum with your family. 

Go on an epic hike (or snowshoe if you are in Northern Michigan) where the destination is a treat (bakery, breakfast, or brewery). 

Make a scavenger hunt (here’s one you can print off) in your neighborhood, and let the winner or winning team pick the next activity. 

The Takeaway

Let’s make the Holidays easier on ourselves and a little less stressful by finding ways to connect more and focusing on experiences rather than things. 

How To Raise Future-Proofed Kids

Ever wonder…geez, life is tough; I can’t imagine what it will be like for my kids?

I don’t have a crystal ball, but things have changed a ton since I was a kid, and I can only imagine that life will look pretty different when our kids grow up. 

One of the common characteristics of successful adults is that they’re comfortable with failure and mistakes.

Here’s why. 

Success in life is about learning from mistakes.  

Chamath Palihapitiya, the controversial billionaire with a rags-to-riches story, said, "life's success is how you control your mistakes. The way you control your mistakes is by making a bunch of mistakes.”  

Mistakes are jet fuel for success.   

We learn through mistakes because each mistake reduces the number and severity of future errors until we know what is needed to succeed.   

As our kids get older, the world around them (including us dads) expects them to make fewer mistakes and yet this is an inherently flawed mindset.  

Think about how mistakes lead us to some of our greatest discoveries in life. 

Some questionable dating mistakes are how we found our +1.  

Mistakes are what lead to thriving new businesses.  

Mistakes have uncovered breakthrough products, services, and nuclear fusion.

A culture of mistakes is how our kids become confident and entrepreneurial lil’ badasses ready to tackle whatever the future holds. 

So how do we make mistakes as much part of our family tradition as cheering for our favorite football team? 

Here are three ways you can start today:

1/ Make mistakes a side dish at dinnertime 

Ask your kids how they failed each day (check out the Art of Family Dinner Convo blog).

You, too, can participate by letting your kids know which mistakes you made that day.  

“Kids, I thought Scam Bank-Fried was a philanthropist and lost a mound of dirty fiat on the FTX crypto exchange.” 

Do this around the dinner table each night to make it routine.

Then ask them what they learned from their mistakes. 

By making it part of dinner each day, your kids will learn a tradition of valuing mistakes. 

2/ Celebrate mistakes

Treat mistakes as gifts.  Celebrate them.

Mistakes are a gift because each one is newly acquired knowledge.

Do this by going a little deeper once your kids share their mistakes.  They may even have failed several times that day.  

Ask them which mistake was their favorite and why.  

Ask them what they learned from their failure. 

Celebrating mistakes by talking about them will make them a part of your family tradition.  

3/ Don’t throw the flag and penalize 

It's easy to think not all mistakes are created equal.  

But I would argue it is important how we handle all mistakes, even mistakes that seem blatant or no-brainers, like when my son wakes up in the morning and douses our toilet like an unmanned garden hose.  

My instinct is to be like, “SON!  You suck at pissing! Sit down next time”!  

It is easy for me to default to anger or shame for intentional (taking the base screws out of dad’s office chair) or no-brainer (pissing all over the toilet seat) mistakes.  

But this is where a tradition of mistakes can start to erode.  

It would be better for me to acknowledge that his aim isn’t good quite yet, and until he learns to hit the bullseye, he will need to clean it up and go back to sitting when pissing.  

Our challenge to you:

The ability to embrace mistakes is a key to raising kids that can handle whatever the future throws at them.

Start by making mistakes a tradition by serving them daily at the dinner table.  Celebrate them, and don't penalize mistakes, even no-brainers. 

Let's get out there and push mistakes like weights (ode to the great poet Ice Cube).  

A Letter To My Son

Whenever I describe your birth, I describe it as the best and most memorable moment of my life (the best day of my life was the day I married your mother). 

I vividly remember that day.  I know how you love it when I tell the story. 

So here it goes again. 

It started with your momma thinking she peed the bed (it was her water breaking).  

And a chain reaction was set in motion when I fired off a simple text “Meredith’s in labor.”  The text sent our whole family into a tizzy, especially Grammy.  

Side note: Grammy’s herd of friends were cheering for her to fulfill her life’s aspiration of being a grandma (you were it, buddy).  

Then hours of painful agony your momma endured (+12 hours of labor) to squeeze you out into this world. 

And your birth(I am crying right now just thinking about it). 

There was a love born at that moment that I never knew existed. 

It was a love for you, my sweet baby boy, and for your momma, who did all the hard work to bring you into this world. 

The pride I had for my new baby boy as I clipped the umbilical cord and you laid lightly crying with your pink and blue-veined skin covered in a waxy gook (vernix). 

The excitement and tears of joy as momma and I tossed names out for an hour and a half until we found the name that fit you, Henryk. 

Finally, we decided that we had held off the feral grandparents long enough.  We asked the nurses to open the gate to let your fiending family finally meet you. 

They tore back the curtain, and we announced you to our world (your family). 

“We want you to meet your new grandson, Henryk Wyatt”.  

There were so many hugs and kisses and tears of joy.   

You couldn’t leave the hospital without an examination.  The nurse came in, and Mimi and Grammy joined me to do a complete once-over. The nurse noted you looked healthy and normal except for one thing.  

The nurse said she had never seen anything like it in her 32-year career. 

“This is the tightest butt hole I have ever seen.”

Don’t ask me how she measured tightness or why that was the thing she chose to say but it makes us laugh every time we tell that part of the story.

That is your origin story.  

I needed to be reminded of the greatest moment in my life before I share with you the heaviness I am feeling today. 

One day, probably in the not-too-distant future, you will be able to read this.  

There are three things I hope you get from this letter; mistakes, emotions, and being a dad is tough at times.   

First, mistakes are an important part of life. I hope you will look at my mistakes with grace because I’m trying.

Here is an interesting way to look at the importance of mistakes.   

I recently listened to a podcast that interviewed Chamath Palihapitiya (a controversial billion with an amazing rags-to-riches story). 

Chamath said this about mistakes, “life's success is how you control your mistakes. You control your mistakes by making a bunch of mistakes.”  

Here’s how I interpret his quote. 

Success in life is about the speed and intensity of learning, and learning comes only through trying and failing. 

And the more we fail (make mistakes), especially early in life, the quicker we learn what works and how to succeed. 

I hope that my mistakes now will make me a better dad tomorrow. 

The second thing I hope you get from this letter is how I feel in this challenging phase. 

This letter is me showing you that all emotions (even negative ones) are ok and my attempt to share them in a healthy way with you.    

We are in a low, right now.  

What does a low feel like? 

It feels like being in the dark: a little scary and unclear which way is the right direction.  

I feel this way because we have tried everything, and nothing seems to be working right now. 

It feels like my senior year of high school soccer and getting knocked out in the playoffs. We put in so much work to get to that point but it was not enough.  

Your momma and I have put in a lot of work trying to be the best parents for you and your sisters.  

I’m also feeling frustrated that I can’t figure out what you need.  

You’re four and a half.  

I know it must be hard to express how you are feeling.

The frustration is also a frustration with myself because at times I let my emotions get the better of me, and I’m not always the calm emotional example you need.

As I write this letter, I am committed to you, your sisters, and our family that I will keep trying.  

Keep trying to be a better dad, understand what you need, and help you find ways to share your emotions in a healthy way. 

There are no bad emotions; all emotions are ok. 

My role as your dad and our role as parents is to show you and coach you how to share your emotions (even negative ones) in a good way that doesn’t harm you or those around you. 

Finally.

I love you, son.  I am proud of you.  And I am proud to be your father.  

What Making Pancakes Can Teach Us About Raising Great Kids

A friend once told me they refer to their firstborn as their first pancake.

Have you ever woken up early and had a craving for just-add-water pancake mix?

If you have, you can relate to the first pancake analogy. 

More times than not, the first pancake is slightly misshapen and not cooked right (too brown or too pale) as you get a feel for the pan and your cooking rhythm.

The first pancake is the test pancake, so all the other pancakes are perfectly cooked. 

Sometimes I feel this way with our firstborn. We made most of our mistakes with him, and our other kids benefited from their now 'experienced' parents.  

Before our first child, I researched and read books about raising the next Elon Musk.  

But nothing prepared me for that moment I became a father. It was exciting and scary.   

The great news is I learned a ton from our first pancake. Here are the four things I learned so you can avoid the test pancake:

Step 1 - Prep: Research shows that 0 to 7 years is the most critical development stage.

It took real-life challenges to find the right books.

Here are the 3 books that every dad should read before his first is born to navigate those early and most formative years. 

1/ Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It. 

Summary: The FBI's top hostage negotiator shares how empathy is the key to winning in business, life, and parenting. 

2/ No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame. 

Summary: As any great CEO uses confidence, respect, and calm direction, so should parents with their kids. Author Janet Lansbury shows how important it is to avoid being dismissive, judgemental, and demeaning which is key to raising confident and independent kids.   

3/ Twelve Hours Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old: A Step-by-Step Plan for Baby Sleep Success.

Summary: Sleeping is your child's first lesson in independence. Learning how to self-soothe and put themselves to sleep. A more rested baby and parenting unit is a happier and healthier household.

Step 2 - Proper Utensils: I imagined my role as a coach, teacher, and discipliner.  

But in those early years, it is more fundamental.

I discovered that so much of the early years are about calmly helping my kids identify and express their emotions.

This may sound touchy-feely, but I learned this is critical to the healthy development of all other areas.

Honestly, being a calm model to help my son recognize his emotions has helped me a ton.

I came to the realization that I needed to work on this myself.

Step 3 - Practice: Parenting is Practicing.

No dad is a perfect dad right from day one.

We all have things to work on.

Dadding is no different than putting the hours in at the gym, honing a craft, or improving a golf handicap.

It takes regular practice. Each interaction is an opportunity to practice and learn.

And hone those skills to become a Jedi master dad. 

Step 4 - Keep stacking: Even if imperfect, a hot pancake with syrup and butter tastes great.

Be easy on yourself.

Kids are forgiving, so you can forgive yourself.

I make mistakes all the time.

The key is to keep moving and try to get better each day.

Don't beat yourself up because your kids won't beat you up for making a mistake.  

So now I pass the spatula to you put in the prep, make sure you have the right utensils and the pan is hot, and keep flipping.  

One Mom-Rule Every Dad Should Break

Remember this classic line…

“No more horseplay!” Said every mom and teacher.  

‘No more horseplay’ is a rule every dad should break, and let me tell you why.

Even before I read any research, horseplay was and is part of our daily routine. 

I enjoy nothing more than sliding out of my work-from-home office between meetings and switching to my Evil Shredder voice.  Then chasing my four-year-old and two-year-old ninja turtles around and tossing them into the sewer (on the couch). 

Or I like transforming my eight-month-old into an 'Evil Ninja Baby' and chasing after the older two with a flying karate kick. 

It often ends with Evil Shredder (me) out of breath and a pile of ninja turtles on top practicing their ninja moves.  

Horseplay has a long tradition of being ‘banned’ by parents and teachers.  But I am glad to inform you that you don’t have to follow this rule because science says horseplay has big benefits.   

According to Dr. Anthony T. DeBenedet and Dr. Lawrence J. Cohen, in their book The Art of Roughhousing, here is what letting your ninja turtles go cowabunga on you can do for them:

• Horseplay builds confidence

• Horseplay helps solve behavioral issues  

• Horseplay allows children to develop a sense of balance and coordination

• Horseplay can promote social and emotional development in children

So, the next time you see your ninja turtles engage in some horseplay, don’t tell them to stop.   Instead, summon your inner Shredder and join in.  It will make you feel good about breaking a long-standing rule, and your kids will be better off.

The Best Trait For Kid’s Success AND You Can Do It In Your Backyard

Guess what?

Curiosity is essential to a kid’s growth. 

It is also the best predictor of future success…said a bunch of smart people.  

Beyond teaching them to not be afraid of everything, curious kids become kids with more scientific outlooks.

Basically, a curious kid is a kid who “seeks to fill knowledge gaps or uncertainty”.  

But, what does this mean? 

For a kid who seeks to fulfill knowledge gaps naturally, this mindset will encourage your kid to do what scientists do: Ask questions, and see if there are answers to these questions. 

Basically, this curious mindset is just a stellar pathway to fostering little scientists.

But how? 

Today, we are gonna present a two-step plan: Encourage, and Model Curiosity. 

Encourage Curiosity

This is your time to put “no stupid questions” into practice.

As this week's source points out, a kid whose questions aren’t explored will stop asking them. 

Which means,

If your kid asks a Q: have fun with it! 

If you don’t know, the answer, explore it with him…

BONUS: The now popular Sesame Street song “I Wonder, What If, Let’s Try.” is a simple framework to guide curiosity. 

This brings us to our next point:

Model Curiosity

Just like emotions, just like language: your kid will learn curiosity from you!

Example:

You guys are walking through a forest trail. 

Your daughter points to a bug:

Opportunity Alert!

You say to her, “I wonder why that bug is red?”

What if…together brainstorm as many “what ifs” as you can, before you reach for your phone…no wrong answers here.

Once you get home, you keep the curiosity alive.

At home, your dear friend google teaches you guys that the bug is red to signify to predators… 

“I'm poisonous! If you eat me …

Science.

Spark Notes

Encourage Curiosity: Always treat your kid's questions as worthy, and give them the time of day they deserve. 

Model Curiosity: Show your kid what a curious person looks like, and how a curious person follows up on their questions.

Your Challenge

If your kid has any curious questions this week, explore one of them with ridiculous depth. See just how far down the rabbit hole you can go.

Equally, try to model one curious question. See if you can ask a question that makes your kid so curious that THEY become the encourager in the duo.

Dads, Do This To Raise Badass Girls

Want to raise a badass daughter?

A daughter that isn't a helpless princess but is strong and independent?

I do!

I have two lovely daughters and want to raise them to be badasses (confident, fearless, and independent). 

I don't want lil' princesses waiting for some prince to come to save them. 

I want them to f@#k shit up! 

The Disney princess message isn't the best for our daughters (thankfully, Disney finally gets that). 

Here are eight things we dads can do to raise fiercely independent (badass) daughters who can conquer any life obstacle.  

NOTE: For this guide, I adapted a great piece by wicked smart parenting expert (Harvard trained) @KimmySWolfe. If you want to expand more on this topic, read more of her work here.

1/DON'T BE AFRAID OF "TABOO" TOPICS

"Great fathers touch on as many topics as possible with their daughters, even the uncomfortable ones."

"It's listening and sharing your viewpoints so that she feels loved, seen, and supported."

This will prepare her for tough conversations (personal or business) later in life. 

2/ FIND WAYS TO DO STUFF TOGETHER

Take time with your daughter. Ask her to join you on a trip to the hardware store. Read a book next to her while she is reading. Take a walk. Have a daddy/daughter date night. Just take time with her. 

3/ ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

Use your own life experiences as opportunities to teach your girl how to handle situations. Our daughters will observe how we react. Model the behavior you want in your daughter. Modeling could look like how we deal with that car that just cut you off. Show her what it's like to be a good neighbor and a good husband. You will leave an imprint on her.    

4/ TREAT HER LIKE SHE'S THE HERO

Have high expectations. Show and tell your daughter she is strong, independent, and capable. Be her supporter, not her savior. Don't jump in to fix her problems (like a prince saving a princess). She can do it now; show her that by being her sideline coach and supporter.  

5/ USE A STORY

A story is the most powerful way to share values or learnings with our daughters. It will feel less like a lecture (how many times did you fall asleep during your first year in Chem101?). 

Melanie Green, a professor at the University at Buffalo states, "stories can alter broader attitudes — like our views on relationships, politics or the environment. Messages that feel like commands — even good advice… aren't always received well." 

A story conveys information in a relatable package… "the information will likely come across less like a lecture and more like a personal truth."

6/ CHUCK YOUR PHONE

Be present. When it is daddy/daughter time, don't let anything interrupt. Show her that she's important and your time together is precious by locking your phone away. One day your lil' girl will be tending to her family and responsibilities.  

7/ BE SPONTANEOUS 

Don't wait. For a weekend. A birthday. Be impromptu. Maybe even play hooky. Here's why playing hooky is a great idea

It will make the time together more memorable.  

8/ CHEER THE HARD WORK (not the outcome)

Don't celebrate the A+; rather, cheer all the hours she spent studying. Celebrating the hard work reinforces the independence and grit needed to be a badass.  

Dad Challenge

Pick one. Start today. Then build on what works. One day our daughters will thank us.

How A 5-Star Attitude Changed Parenting For Me

Ever get stressed by your kids? Like getting ready for bed or eating meals?

It sometimes causes me stress even before the struggle starts.  Just the pure anticipation of the battle that is about to ensue is enough to put me on edge.   

What if I told you I discovered that problem might not my kids’…and the opportunity might be something I have control over….my attitude. 

First, an unlikely story to drive home how attitude can change everything. 

A fitness trainer walks into a DMV.  

Shaan Puri from My First Million podcast tells a story about his fitness trainer (let's call him Guy) at the DMV.  

You know the place you go for car stuff (license and registration), wait in long lines, always smells like weed, and comes with a thick dose of attitude from everyone that works there.

Well, Guy decided to make this time different.  He decided he was going to make his DMV visit a  5-star experience by acting like a 5-star customer. Here’s how:

He went in like he was going to a friend's party.

Held the door for another customer.

He cracked a quip with the first employee he saw and joked “now who is the best person to get me out of here quickly?”

Instead of telling him to get in line like everyone else she said “come over here, I will take care of you” cutting the line completely.

He complimented her outfit and she suggested he could come to see her any time he needed something from the DMV.

His 5-star attitude turned a dreaded DMV visit into a 5-star experience.

What does a DMV story have to do with dadding?

I’ve been working on being a 5-star dad with my kids.  It actually works. 

Instead of bracing for impact, I’ve learned that loosening up helps change the game. 

I found that being light and a little loose helps me better connect with my little kiddos.  Using games, stories or just a fun attitude helps us all make it through those tough transitions.

So try it…put on that going-to-a-friend’s party self and make your kids' bedtime, dinner, or teeth brushing a little special.

See if a 5-star attitude helps everyone loosen up rather than brace for impact. 

Why You Need To Invent Your Own Family Rituals

Think about Christmas time as a kid: what do you remember most?

It’s not the big things, but the little rituals that made it unique. 

For example, maybe your family always opened a single present on Christmas eve.

Maybe your Dad would allow you to take a sip of his Miller High Life each Christmas….

It doesn’t matter!

In short, rituals are the seasoning that gives your family its unique flavor!

(Being corny is one of my daily rituals)

Most Americans celebrate Christmas, but only your family celebrates it in your own special way.

So, What Makes A Ritual Special, Anyways? 

What makes a ritual special is its separation from normal life. 

THAT is the most important part!

For your family ritual’s to really be impactful, they should be a break from what your family does normally.

Example: 

You are a family which allows ZERO processed, sugary foods in the house. 

Every spring break, the whole family has a movie night. You guys go to the grocery store together first, and each kid/parent gets to pick out two of the most unhealthy snacks that their heart desires.

What This Does For Your Family

Trust me, if you are a family of health nuts, this annual lapse in judgment will be met with huge anticipation! 

Oftentimes, the best rituals are a little bit naughty. That’s why you remember that sip of beer your dad allowed you each Christmas: it was a break from the norm. 

Family rituals are an amazing way to build a sense of identity for your family. 

By inventing your own, your kid's childhood experience will be totally unique.

Think about it like this: the best rituals are the ones your kids will brag about to their friends at school.

That’s the Dadding challenge for today:

Think up a family ritual you can do that will make your kids so happy, they are gonna brag about it to their friends at school. 

Just 5 Mins of This Can Boost Your Body’s Natural Drug

It’s no secret that we Americans spend a lot of time indoors…

Look at this eye-opening statistic from the EPA: 

“Americans, on average, spend approximately 90 percent of their time indoors.” 

This isn’t our fault. 

Some of us live way up north, where a leisurely lunchtime stroll is practically torture half of the year.

For the rest of us, we are busy!

That, combined with a national infrastructure built for cars means that here in the states, we must make a concerted effort to go walking. 

But, what are the benefits…

The Benefits

To start, a daily walk of any sort is an excellent way to keep the blood flowing. 

Second, let’s look at our homie Vitamin D: a daily walk outside gives us enough Vitamin D to help fight depression and even some forms of cancer.

Here is a quote from Lisa Nisbet, a professor of Psychology at Trent University: 

“Generally the research tells us that when people are exposed to the natural environment and natural features, they tend to have a reduced stress response. When you are out in nature you have lower blood pressure, better heart rate variability, better mood”

Finally, it boosts our body’s natural drug, Serotonin, which has heaps of benefits (make you feel good and sleep better).

How To Get Your Nature Boost ASAP

In all of the previous research, if you dig deep, you will notice that these studies are based on more prolonged periods of exposure to nature: One Hour, 30 Minutes, etc…

What if I told you 5 minutes was you all needed to get most of the benefits?

In a study by Jo Barton at the University of Essex, the vast majority of benefits received from time spent in nature happen in the first five minutes.

And this includes urban nature like parks also! 

So, what does this mean for you, busy dad?

If you want to receive the multitude of benefits of time spent in nature, but don’t know where to start, give yourself five minutes a day! 

Or, if you are already a nature lover, but don’t have time that day for a huge hike, know that popping outside for 5 minutes is way better than nothing…

Go look at a tree or something, man!