Temperament: The Secret To Parenting

This is a picture of my youngest, and she shares my temperament (sanguine).

I get her and she is easy for me to parent.

My son has a very different temperament. One that neither my wife or I share.

And largely because of his different temperament, it has encouraged us to read over 20 parenting books with titles like “Parenting With Zen”.

And I’ll be honest I’ve not figured out how to always parent with zen.

But there is one book that has helped me unlock a cheat code to parenting.

And given me a new way to look at how I interact with each of my kids.

That secret is knowing and understanding our child’s temperament.

Here are my takeaways from reading "The Temperament God Gave Your Kids" by Art and Laraine Bennett so you don’t have to read it.

1/ Temperament Is Nature Not Nurture.

Man, did this give me relief.

If you are like me, I sometimes get embarrassed by my kids behavior in public or around family and friends.

Whether they are too shy to engage or too loud and trying to be the center of attention or too aggressive and like to pull out the Mike Tyson uppercut.

It isn’t something I did or didn’t do as a parent…its’s just their nature.

2/ Knowledge Is Power

The Bennetts explain that understanding your kid's temperament is like knowing the dance steps to their unique rhythm.

So, what are these temperaments?

According to the Bennetts, psychologists have found there are 4 types of temperaments, and every child is born with some combination of these 4.

Like a buffet table of personality flavors: sanguine, choleric, melancholic, and phlegmatic.

Here is a table of each temperament and a description:

Each child is some mix of these, and figuring out their combo is like finding the right playlist for their mood.

For example, my sanguine sweetheart might be the next stand-up comedian.

While my melancholic munchkin could write soul-stirring poetry.

So instead of dragging my introverted child to every soccer game or expecting my extrovert to read quietly for hours, I’m learning to embrace their innate talents.

Nurture their strengths while gently encouraging them to dip their toes into new waters.

3/ The Role Of A Parent Is Special

Let’s take tantrums as a super fun example.

Those unpredictable storms that sweep through even the sunniest of days.

Understanding my child's temperament can help weather these emotional hurricanes.

As a parent, I have the unique role of understanding my child, their temperament and teaching them mechanisms to express and get control of their emotions.

A choleric child's meltdown might be about control, while a phlegmatic little one just wants a cozy corner to curl up in.

Armed with this knowledge, I can tailor my tactics.

For example, if my sanguine’s spirit is spiraling, an engaging distraction might work wonders.

On the other hand, if my melancholic cherub is in the throes of despair, a comforting hug and a listening ear could do the trick.

4/ And For The Next Playdate

Playdates can be a circus act of juggling personalities, preferences, and patience.

Sanguines are the party planners, ensuring fun and games galore.

Cholerics are natural leaders, ready to organize and take charge.

Melancholics add depth to the conversation, contributing thoughtful insights.

And phlegmatics? They're the peacekeepers, making sure everyone gets along.

So let my sanguine sprinkle a dash of excitement, my choleric guide the games, my melancholic deepen the discussions, and for phlegmatic (we do not have one of these “easy” kids) ensure harmony reigns.

5/ A Strength Gone To Far Is A Challenge

As parents, our role is to give our kids the ability to express and eventually handle their emotions in a healthy way.

To find the strength in their temperament.

For my choleric son wants to be in control and prefers aggression over finding agreement.

I have to understand that his outbursts are not personal and not caused by something I did or didn’t do.

And my responsibility is to coach him on how to find the strengths in his temperament like leadership and determination versus control and aggression.

Parenting is an adventure.

It truly teaches me something about myself everyday.

With this newfound knowledge, I feel more equipped to navigate the challenges, celebrate their strengths, and dance to the rhythm of their personalities.

Lets Go!!!