What Making Pancakes Can Teach Us About Raising Great Kids

A friend once told me they refer to their firstborn as their first pancake.

Have you ever woken up early and had a craving for just-add-water pancake mix?

If you have, you can relate to the first pancake analogy. 

More times than not, the first pancake is slightly misshapen and not cooked right (too brown or too pale) as you get a feel for the pan and your cooking rhythm.

The first pancake is the test pancake, so all the other pancakes are perfectly cooked. 

Sometimes I feel this way with our firstborn. We made most of our mistakes with him, and our other kids benefited from their now 'experienced' parents.  

Before our first child, I researched and read books about raising the next Elon Musk.  

But nothing prepared me for that moment I became a father. It was exciting and scary.   

The great news is I learned a ton from our first pancake. Here are the four things I learned so you can avoid the test pancake:

Step 1 - Prep: Research shows that 0 to 7 years is the most critical development stage.

It took real-life challenges to find the right books.

Here are the 3 books that every dad should read before his first is born to navigate those early and most formative years. 

1/ Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It. 

Summary: The FBI's top hostage negotiator shares how empathy is the key to winning in business, life, and parenting. 

2/ No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame. 

Summary: As any great CEO uses confidence, respect, and calm direction, so should parents with their kids. Author Janet Lansbury shows how important it is to avoid being dismissive, judgemental, and demeaning which is key to raising confident and independent kids.   

3/ Twelve Hours Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old: A Step-by-Step Plan for Baby Sleep Success.

Summary: Sleeping is your child's first lesson in independence. Learning how to self-soothe and put themselves to sleep. A more rested baby and parenting unit is a happier and healthier household.

Step 2 - Proper Utensils: I imagined my role as a coach, teacher, and discipliner.  

But in those early years, it is more fundamental.

I discovered that so much of the early years are about calmly helping my kids identify and express their emotions.

This may sound touchy-feely, but I learned this is critical to the healthy development of all other areas.

Honestly, being a calm model to help my son recognize his emotions has helped me a ton.

I came to the realization that I needed to work on this myself.

Step 3 - Practice: Parenting is Practicing.

No dad is a perfect dad right from day one.

We all have things to work on.

Dadding is no different than putting the hours in at the gym, honing a craft, or improving a golf handicap.

It takes regular practice. Each interaction is an opportunity to practice and learn.

And hone those skills to become a Jedi master dad. 

Step 4 - Keep stacking: Even if imperfect, a hot pancake with syrup and butter tastes great.

Be easy on yourself.

Kids are forgiving, so you can forgive yourself.

I make mistakes all the time.

The key is to keep moving and try to get better each day.

Don't beat yourself up because your kids won't beat you up for making a mistake.  

So now I pass the spatula to you put in the prep, make sure you have the right utensils and the pan is hot, and keep flipping.  

One Mom-Rule Every Dad Should Break

Remember this classic line…

“No more horseplay!” Said every mom and teacher.  

‘No more horseplay’ is a rule every dad should break, and let me tell you why.

Even before I read any research, horseplay was and is part of our daily routine. 

I enjoy nothing more than sliding out of my work-from-home office between meetings and switching to my Evil Shredder voice.  Then chasing my four-year-old and two-year-old ninja turtles around and tossing them into the sewer (on the couch). 

Or I like transforming my eight-month-old into an 'Evil Ninja Baby' and chasing after the older two with a flying karate kick. 

It often ends with Evil Shredder (me) out of breath and a pile of ninja turtles on top practicing their ninja moves.  

Horseplay has a long tradition of being ‘banned’ by parents and teachers.  But I am glad to inform you that you don’t have to follow this rule because science says horseplay has big benefits.   

According to Dr. Anthony T. DeBenedet and Dr. Lawrence J. Cohen, in their book The Art of Roughhousing, here is what letting your ninja turtles go cowabunga on you can do for them:

• Horseplay builds confidence

• Horseplay helps solve behavioral issues  

• Horseplay allows children to develop a sense of balance and coordination

• Horseplay can promote social and emotional development in children

So, the next time you see your ninja turtles engage in some horseplay, don’t tell them to stop.   Instead, summon your inner Shredder and join in.  It will make you feel good about breaking a long-standing rule, and your kids will be better off.

How A 5-Star Attitude Changed Parenting For Me

Ever get stressed by your kids? Like getting ready for bed or eating meals?

It sometimes causes me stress even before the struggle starts.  Just the pure anticipation of the battle that is about to ensue is enough to put me on edge.   

What if I told you I discovered that problem might not my kids’…and the opportunity might be something I have control over….my attitude. 

First, an unlikely story to drive home how attitude can change everything. 

A fitness trainer walks into a DMV.  

Shaan Puri from My First Million podcast tells a story about his fitness trainer (let's call him Guy) at the DMV.  

You know the place you go for car stuff (license and registration), wait in long lines, always smells like weed, and comes with a thick dose of attitude from everyone that works there.

Well, Guy decided to make this time different.  He decided he was going to make his DMV visit a  5-star experience by acting like a 5-star customer. Here’s how:

He went in like he was going to a friend's party.

Held the door for another customer.

He cracked a quip with the first employee he saw and joked “now who is the best person to get me out of here quickly?”

Instead of telling him to get in line like everyone else she said “come over here, I will take care of you” cutting the line completely.

He complimented her outfit and she suggested he could come to see her any time he needed something from the DMV.

His 5-star attitude turned a dreaded DMV visit into a 5-star experience.

What does a DMV story have to do with dadding?

I’ve been working on being a 5-star dad with my kids.  It actually works. 

Instead of bracing for impact, I’ve learned that loosening up helps change the game. 

I found that being light and a little loose helps me better connect with my little kiddos.  Using games, stories or just a fun attitude helps us all make it through those tough transitions.

So try it…put on that going-to-a-friend’s party self and make your kids' bedtime, dinner, or teeth brushing a little special.

See if a 5-star attitude helps everyone loosen up rather than brace for impact.