Debunked: Why 10,000 Hours Is NOT the Ticket to Success—Here's What Is

Here’s my contrarian take. The 10,000 hours is bullshit.

The best odds for success…

Skill Stacking.

But let's first look at the popular wisdom of the 10,000 hours (made popular by Malcolm Gladwell).

How many people do you know who are truly experts or masters in their field?

Think about it.

How many kids play soccer, hockey, basketball or dance from 5 years old through high school (definitely over 10,000 hours)?

How many become pro?

One study found the percentage was .023%.

The most overlooked approach is stacking a unique combo of skills.

Skill Stacking.

What is skill stacking?

Remember Mega Man and how every time he defeated a new villain, he was able to copy that villain's special weapon.

And eventually, by acquiring all these special abilities, he was able to defeat Dr. Wily.

This is the same as skill stacking.

Another analogy for skill stacking is how my daughter puts together her ensemble.

On the surface, each item looks to be unrelated and seems to clash.

But once complete, she emerges as a strong and capable superhero who can accomplish anything.

The great thing is you don’t have to be an expert in any one of them.

By creating a combo of unique skills it can be a cheat code to success.

One of my favorite business personalities is Codie Sanchez.

Her skill stack has made her a boring business-buying powerhouse (and multi-millionaire).

She started a career as a journalist (writing) at the US-Mexico border, covering human trafficking and giving a voice to the unknown.

She realized that what put these victims in the position was the lack of money.

She then went into Mergers and Acquisitions (finance) at Goldman Sachs, a fancy way of saying she learned to get a good deal when buying a business.

She then began to focus on small businesses, the types of businesses that Goldman wasn’t focusing on (small business expertise).

Stacking these skills ‘Writing’ + ‘Finance’ + ‘Small Business Expertise’ has allowed her to write the book on how to buy small businesses.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my skill stack. And honestly, I wish I would have thought about it more when I was younger.

But I’m excited to encourage my kids to think about their Skill Stack for success.

I’m of the opinion there are two types of skills that should be included in our skill stack

1) Practical skills: writing, sales, communication and

2) Unique skills: arborist, improv, sommelier, permaculturist, puzzle-solving, etc.

The unique skills I would describe as obscure passions.

The skill stack that creates the most value for me is:

healthcare strategy consulting + B2B sales + writing.

I’m not a master of any of these, but together they make me marketable and make me money.

What obscure hobby do your children have that should be part of a skill stack?

Parenting Is Like Hitting A Wall

Parenting is like climbing a rock wall.

It requires a partner, the belayer (at least to do it safely).

It’s extremely fatiguing (it can hurt like hell).

But when you make progress, you lock it in (climbing uses anchors aka belays)

And the hope is that it was worth it once you get to the top.

I mean, I’ve never met a dad who has been through it and doesn’t say it was worth it.

They could be lying, but I won’t know til I get to the top.

“on belay!” (the command in climbing, letting your partner know you are ready to climb)

Temperament: The Secret To Parenting

This is a picture of my youngest, and she shares my temperament (sanguine).

I get her and she is easy for me to parent.

My son has a very different temperament. One that neither my wife or I share.

And largely because of his different temperament, it has encouraged us to read over 20 parenting books with titles like “Parenting With Zen”.

And I’ll be honest I’ve not figured out how to always parent with zen.

But there is one book that has helped me unlock a cheat code to parenting.

And given me a new way to look at how I interact with each of my kids.

That secret is knowing and understanding our child’s temperament.

Here are my takeaways from reading "The Temperament God Gave Your Kids" by Art and Laraine Bennett so you don’t have to read it.

1/ Temperament Is Nature Not Nurture.

Man, did this give me relief.

If you are like me, I sometimes get embarrassed by my kids behavior in public or around family and friends.

Whether they are too shy to engage or too loud and trying to be the center of attention or too aggressive and like to pull out the Mike Tyson uppercut.

It isn’t something I did or didn’t do as a parent…its’s just their nature.

2/ Knowledge Is Power

The Bennetts explain that understanding your kid's temperament is like knowing the dance steps to their unique rhythm.

So, what are these temperaments?

According to the Bennetts, psychologists have found there are 4 types of temperaments, and every child is born with some combination of these 4.

Like a buffet table of personality flavors: sanguine, choleric, melancholic, and phlegmatic.

Here is a table of each temperament and a description:

Each child is some mix of these, and figuring out their combo is like finding the right playlist for their mood.

For example, my sanguine sweetheart might be the next stand-up comedian.

While my melancholic munchkin could write soul-stirring poetry.

So instead of dragging my introverted child to every soccer game or expecting my extrovert to read quietly for hours, I’m learning to embrace their innate talents.

Nurture their strengths while gently encouraging them to dip their toes into new waters.

3/ The Role Of A Parent Is Special

Let’s take tantrums as a super fun example.

Those unpredictable storms that sweep through even the sunniest of days.

Understanding my child's temperament can help weather these emotional hurricanes.

As a parent, I have the unique role of understanding my child, their temperament and teaching them mechanisms to express and get control of their emotions.

A choleric child's meltdown might be about control, while a phlegmatic little one just wants a cozy corner to curl up in.

Armed with this knowledge, I can tailor my tactics.

For example, if my sanguine’s spirit is spiraling, an engaging distraction might work wonders.

On the other hand, if my melancholic cherub is in the throes of despair, a comforting hug and a listening ear could do the trick.

4/ And For The Next Playdate

Playdates can be a circus act of juggling personalities, preferences, and patience.

Sanguines are the party planners, ensuring fun and games galore.

Cholerics are natural leaders, ready to organize and take charge.

Melancholics add depth to the conversation, contributing thoughtful insights.

And phlegmatics? They're the peacekeepers, making sure everyone gets along.

So let my sanguine sprinkle a dash of excitement, my choleric guide the games, my melancholic deepen the discussions, and for phlegmatic (we do not have one of these “easy” kids) ensure harmony reigns.

5/ A Strength Gone To Far Is A Challenge

As parents, our role is to give our kids the ability to express and eventually handle their emotions in a healthy way.

To find the strength in their temperament.

For my choleric son wants to be in control and prefers aggression over finding agreement.

I have to understand that his outbursts are not personal and not caused by something I did or didn’t do.

And my responsibility is to coach him on how to find the strengths in his temperament like leadership and determination versus control and aggression.

Parenting is an adventure.

It truly teaches me something about myself everyday.

With this newfound knowledge, I feel more equipped to navigate the challenges, celebrate their strengths, and dance to the rhythm of their personalities.

Lets Go!!!

The Easiest Way To Battle Stress: Better Than Meds

One goal is to share more practical ways I’m reducing my stress and trying to be a better dad.

With that in mind, one of the most frustratingly vague topics in the “self-care” category is meditation.

What is it? How does a normal dude do it?

I’ve been reading a lot about the benefits of breathing techniques to reduce stress (health guru Andrew Huberman talks about using breathing to reduce anxiety and stress on Tim Ferriss’s podcast here).

I discovered a technique I love and have been doing it for over a year.

And I will let you in on a little secret on how I fit it into my daily routine.

that technique…

Box Breathing

I know what you are picturing that time when you were a kid, and you made a robot costume out of old boxes and felt like you couldn’t breath.

Well, it’s not that.

It’s a breathing technique that science shows reduces cortisol, our bodies’ primary stress hormone.

A study by researchers at the University of Colorado Boulder found that breathing exercises were as good as meds at cutting blood pressure.

It even showed promise as a non-drug treatment for mental illness.

Breathing exercises are a practical tool for coping with job (or parenting) burnout.

Breathing techniques are already in widespread clinical use in treating PTSD.

Here’s more science for your science freaks.

Otherwise, all you gotta know is that this shit works!

So, How Do I Do it?

First, let’s use a visual — a box.

A box has four sides, representing the four equal (4 seconds long) steps of the technique

Breath In

4 seconds of inhaling through your nose. Focus on filling the bottom of your belly with breath.

Hold

4 seconds of holding your breath.

Breath Out

4 seconds of exhaling forcefully from your mouth. Purse your lips, and make a wooshing sound as you exhale.

Hold

4 seconds of holding your breath out.

Start over

Now Here’s My Secret To Squeezing It In Everyday

After my workout…my gym buds call it doing the ‘Matt’.

I lay flat on the gym floor….

Close my eyes…

And try for about 10 to 20 boxes (only about 3 to 6 minutes).

Other Notes

For this technique, you can quietly count in your head.

If you prefer external help, you can use a guided mediation app like Insight Timer to count for you.

Think of the entire box breathing sequence like a Set in the gym.

However many sets you want to do is up to you.

As you get used to it, you can adjust the number of sets to your stress levels.

So if you are looking for ways to lower your stress and anxiety…give it a try.

Do it. See if it works.

You deserve it.

The 9 Do’s And Don’ts Of A Father-Daughter Roadtrip

I’m a girl dad.

I have two daughters.

I met a dad whose daughters were now in their early 30s. He shared with me his favorite way to connect with his daughter as they got older and too cool for school was a father-daughter trip.

He said he allowed each of his children to choose the destination.

They could go anywhere they were interested, just him and her.

He did it in middle school before their idea of fun was an Instagram trip to the Maldives.

My girls aren’t old enough yet but I imagine one day I will do a road trip with each of my girls to a destination of their choice.

Here are the 9 DOs and DON’Ts, as a reminder to myself for my future father-daughter road trips.

DO: Make Your Daughter Lead Navigator

Make her your co-pilot by making her your navigator so she feels a part of the journey and not just a passenger.

DON’T: Be The Roadtrip Dictator

Try not to say ‘no’. If she asks you to do something you don’t like, try using “yes” “and” adding the thing you daddio want to do.

Example: Daughter says, “let’s get a manicure!” You: “Yes and let’s go to a driving range after and hit a bucket o’ balls.”

DO: Allow Time For Spontaneous Adventure

This may be the most important reminder. Leave some extra time so that you can stop, make a detour, or stay a little extra time in one place.

This ‘do’ allows for unexpected experiences that create the stories that will last the test of time.

DON’T: Pass Through A Major City During Rush Hour

Nothing kills the excitement of a road trip more than traffic. Avoid it by avoiding major cities during rush hour.

DO: Take A Peek Under The Hood Before Embarking

Make sure the oil is changed and the fluids are topped up. Preventative maintenance is crucial to avoid waiting on the roadside for a tow truck.

DON’T: Be A Cheapskate

Ok, I’m not saying you go ‘Crazy Rich Asian’ but don’t be a cheapskate…splurge just a little.

DO: Bring Camping Supplies!

And mix it up.

Don’t just stay in hotels and eat at the Cracker Barrell across the parking lot.

Bring some camping gear, cook over a campfire, and fall asleep to the smell of smoke in your hair—nothing better than fresh air and shooing away raccoons all night.

DON’T: Check Your Emails

Let the road trip be for you and your daughter.

Work will be waiting for you when you return.

Only use your phone for navigation or a hot tip or two.

Don’t check email, nothing in that email will be more important than the time you have with your daughter.

DO: Give Your Kid Disposable Cameras and Hire Him As Your Photographer

Or an old phone so they can ONLY take pictures and document the adventure.

One day on your Alexa or Google Home you will see those pictures and the memories will come flooding back.

BONUS: DO NOT USE THE ROAD-TRIP TO GIVE “THE TALK”

No explanation needed. That sounds uncomfortable.

Be present. Do it together. Be curious. Be open. And don’t push an agenda.

Dads, The Real Reason You Don’t Have A Hobby

I love to be outside; biking, hiking, fishing, foraging or hunting but these hobbies take time and commitment.

Extra time is like that mythical pot of gold at the end of the rainbow guarded by a tricky leprechaun…it don’t exist.

And Netflix is not a hobby...(Why do I always spend more time browsing for a show than actually watching???)

So what I found is trying not to overcomplicate it...hobbies don't have to be some complex or time-consuming.

Actually, it should be something that takes very little time so I can find a way to squeeze it in each day.

A hobby has a multitude of benefits…but before I lay out the benefits, lets first define what a hobby is.

A hobby is something that requires active participation (i.e. Shooting Hoops).

Something that is not a hobby is something that involves passive participation (i.e. binging Netflix).

I’m not bashing Netflix because I love a good binge-watch from time to time. We crushed Stranger Things this past winter (I still have Kate Bush singing “Be runnin' up that hill” stuck in my head)

A hobby is important because:

It puts us dads into a state of flow...which is like a massage for our brains (here’s the science to prove it).

You may ask:

If hobbies are so good for my brain and I have so little time how can I possibly find a hobby?

Return to your childhood...what did you love as a boy?

Loved to ride your bike as a kid?

Take 15 minutes a night to go on a solitary ride. Leave your phone at home. Push yourself to ride as fast as possible.

Loved to fill the margins of your notebooks with doodles?

Doodle! Throw on headphones with a favorite album, and let time melt away.

Loved exploring the woods as a boy?

Go explore again! As long as you are taking an active role in your life, you will feel the benefits.

Loved throwing a ball against a wall?

Go outside and throw a ball against the wall. Your neighbor might think you’ve gone mad but your brain will thank you.

Disclaimer:

I am not saying to avoid taking up a difficult, expertise-laden hobby.

This is dedicated to those who want a hobby, but end up watching TV every night.

Life isn’t all-or-nothing.

By making a small change towards active participation, you might find yourself invigorated enough to embark on a journey to learn how to make ships-in-a-bottle.

I Realized I Was Missing Something

Being a dad, for me, is a serious responsibility.

I think my greatest responsibility, as I’m sure you can tell.

My wife and I live and breathe clean up all the messes of parenting

It often feels like a job.

My good intentions; to see my kids turn out as respectful and kid adults has me trying hard.

My effort and laser focus might actually be making things harder.

Like an athlete who gets into a slump and then tries even harder but actually makes it worse.

That’s how I’ve been feeling about my parenting right now…I’m just trying too hard.

This realization has pushed me to test out a new approach.

Instead, I’m trying to have more fun with it.

I was trying to see every moment as a chance to guide them to be more kind, resilient and independent children.

Now.

I’m just having fun.

So when one of my kids does something I don’t like, instead of correcting them I’m trying to find a way to have fun with it first so we can connect.

Once we have connected, then I can find a way to guide them.

This past weekend we laughed a lot…and it seems my attitude shift might be helping.

I hope to spend more time experiencing them and less time trying so hard to get the outcome.

How are you feeling as a dad? Do you, like me, take parenting seriously (maybe too seriously)? Or have you found ways to have fun with it?

We Got Stuck With Nuns For 5 Hours…It Was The Best

I just had the best vacation, and it couldn't have come at a better time.

As a busy and stressed dad taking a break from the constant hustle was a much-needed luxury.

Here's why this trip meant so much to us...

This was our first vacation without the kids in almost two years and was long overdue.

The last time we had a kidless trip was during our babymoon before our third and final child arrived. I don’t think it even counts.

That trip was marred by my inability to taste a thing (I had covid) and solo-painting two bedrooms.

This time, however, we embarked on a remarkable adventure that brought us closer together.

Our trip consisted of; getting trapped for five hours in a convent with nuns, witnessing the democratic process, and reconnecting with great friends, we rarely see in person.

We visited the offices of our Senator and House representative and sat in the gallery of both the house and senate to observe democracy.

Other than saying the pledge of allegiance with the House members it wasn’t very impressive.

The house reps spent their time giving shoutouts (bdays and retirement) to constituents from their district.

But what made this trip truly special was the time we spent with our friends, without the constant distractions of kids.

Reconnecting with old pals felt incredible and reminded us of the importance of maintaining those connections.

An unexpected twist occurred when we got stuck in a convent. My wife's best friend from elementary school joined a silent order of nuns.

My wife connected via handwritten letter before our trip to DC and we were invited for dinner (and a whole lot more).

The nuns were surprisingly humorous and heartwarming, adding a unique dimension to our vacation. You bet I cracked a habit (nun's cloak) joke or two.

Spending five days away from our kids was the perfect balance. The first two days allowed us to relax fully, while by the fifth day, we started to miss our little monkeys.

I can't thank my parents and sis enough for enlisting in a tour of caring for our furiously independent kiddos.

And the real magic.

Not only did we feel more connected to each other as a couple, but we also felt rejuvenated and ready to be the best parents we could be to our kids.

Our children, too, seemed to have needed this break, as they happily piled into the car to be with us again, without a single complaint.

This trip was a game-changer for our family dynamics, emphasizing the importance of taking time for ourselves and each other.

It gave us a chance to unwind, recharge, and remember why we cherish being parents.

As soon as my parents forget about the exhaustion of looking after our kids, we'll be planning another trip.

Escaping Is The Key To Upping Your Dad Game

Life as a dad, husband, and professional can sometimes feel like a never-ending Mario Kart race.

Each morning I can almost hear the ping ping ping piiiiiiiiiiing (Mario Kart) and then, boom, it's off to the races!

In my house, it's a daily Mario Kart rally.

My three zooming around like Mario and his pals, leaving a trail of banana peels (a.k.a. toys) and koopa shells (those dreaded Legos) in their wake.

It's a mix of chaos and fun, and it can be flat-out exhausting when it goes on for weeks and weeks.

Now, here's an eye-opening statistic: 43% of families live 200 miles or more away from their grandparents, and a majority live at least 50 miles away.

Why is this important?

Well, in the good ol' days, grandparents played a big role in providing secondary care for families.

I remember spending several days a week with my grandparents during the summer.

They were like the pit stop in our Mario Kart race, giving us a much-needed breather.

But times have changed.

Modern parents don't get enough of a break.

It's like slipping on a banana peel and getting hit with a koopa shell as we spin off the track.

Ouch!

And you know what suffers the most from this kart crash?

Our relationship with our spouse.

It takes a hit, and we feel it.

That's why my wife and I have made it a priority to invest in our relationship.

We've discovered a secret weapon—getting away from it all.

Yes, my fellow dads, it's time to plan those much-needed escapes, at least once, or even better, twice a year.

I know, it's easier said than done, especially during that first year with a new baby when they're attached to your wife's boobies.

But trust me; you'll get through that phase.

We're excited because we're about to go on our first long weekend away from all three kids since our youngest entered this world last February.

It's been too long.

We're strapping our little ones in the van and channeling our inner Walter Sobchak (think The Big Lebowski) by slowing down to 15 M P H and rolling them onto their grandparents' front lawn.

They need it, and we need it too.

Our goal is simple: we want to return from this adventure feeling more connected and refreshed, ready to tackle the next several levels of our Mario Kart race.

So fellow dads, I'm curious: what ways have you found to connect and invest in your relationship with your spouse?

Secrets to Being an Epic Dad - Insights from a Year of Writing Daily

This week’s newsletter is a celebration and a reflection on a year of daily writing. Let's dive in!

First, I can’t believe how fast a year went. This is my 53rd newsletter since I started on July 1, 2022.

I'm incredibly grateful to all of you who have been part of this journey.

Throughout this past year, the practice of working on myself, writing every day and sharing content multiple times a week has taught me invaluable lessons.

It has made me a better dad, husband, son, friend, and colleague.

It's like embarking on a backyard landscaping project—sometimes ambiguous, seemingly never-ending, but once you take the first step, the results are astonishing and inspire you to do even more.

The effort I've invested in self-work has paid off in countless ways.

I feel healthier, more composed (well, most of the time), and deeply connected with myself and my loved ones.

I've also found that I communicate more clearly, which has strengthened my relationships.

All the self-work (including things like meditation and gratitude journaling), I found these three things are my favorite:

1\ I wake up early to indulge in an hour of quiet time for myself—reading, writing, or simply enjoying the tranquility.

2\ I stick to my five-day-a-week gym routine, which has had a tremendous impact on my overall well-being.

3\ Writing daily has become a release, allowing me to express my thoughts and work through the anxieties of life and fatherhood.

So after one year I figured I would set some intentions for the next year.

1\ I intend to maintain my consistency with quiet time, hitting the gym, and writing. These practices have become the pillars of my self-improvement journey, and I can't wait to see where they take me.

2\ I've realized that I've fallen into a pattern of consuming news or watching YouTube shorts more mornings before heading to the gym. To break this habit, I'm committing to reading more. It's time to fill my mornings with enriching books that ignite my imagination and broaden my perspectives.

3\ I've set my sights on that money. Well more specifically, financial sovereignty. I firmly believe that achieving true freedom of time for myself, my family, and the things I love—like fishing, foraging, hunting, and traveling—requires a greater focus on financial freedom.

Over the next year, I will embark on a journey to find, evaluate, and eventually purchase a profitable business. This endeavor feels particularly timely, given the wave of retiring business owners.

If you're interested in joining me on this adventure, let me know, and I'll provide updates every 4 to 6 weeks.

Thank you again for being part of my writing journey.

Your support and engagement have been invaluable, and I'm excited to continue sharing my experiences and insights with you all. Stay tuned for more and keep those dad jokes alive!

Cheers,

Matt

TBH, my weekend, it sucked.

TBH, my weekend, it sucked.

Saturday morning began with me twiddling my thumbs, waiting for our adorable 3-year-old to rise from her slumber.

And boy, did she take their sweet time—didn't pop up until a glorious 10 a.m.

The rest of the day? A whirlwind of backbreaking yard work. Picture me hauling rocks, moving an ancient fence I dismantled, and triumphantly assembling a brand-new trampoline.

But instead of basking in the results by going on a tranquil hike or some well-deserved relaxation, our eldest fell ill faster than a bowling ball in a kiddie pool. Poor kiddo.

When we finally got the kids to bed and thought we could savor a moment of husband-and-wife time, our son woke up, and the next two hours were a chaotic symphony of puking.

And the icing on the cake, my early morning fishing plans...dashed.

Courtesy of my son's heroic performance of vomiting and, uh, other unmentionables.

And our other two bundles of joy decided to treat us to a chorus of "wake ups" throughout the night (a blowout diaper and several "I'm scared").

But you know what? Looking back on it, I realize something. This rollercoaster of a weekend reminded me of the true essence of being called "Dad."

🧡 We care.

🛠 We build.

💥 We provide.

💪 We summon our strength.

You know what? Scratch that my weekend didn't suck. In fact, it was pretty darn incredible.

Sure, I didn't get to do what I had planned, but I got to fully embrace the magnificent role of a dad—the sleepless nights, the unexpected messes, the comforting whispers in the dark.

It's a true testament to the power of fatherhood.

So, maybe your weekend wasn't all rainbows and unicorns either, but I have a hunch that amidst the chaos, you shone brilliantly as a dad.

Let's celebrate the journey of fatherhood together!

P.S. Pic of my two bundles of joy I devoted extra attention to this weekend.

I’ve Got An Itch…That Needs A Scratch

Because of a serendipitous coffee shop encounter, (that sounds more romantic than bumping into each other at a Starbucks in Detroit) I met the love of my life.

That coincidence eventually grew into love.

And then marriage.

7 short years ago, my wife, Meredith, and I tied the knot.

And after 7 years, I have an itch.

I fantasize about it on the regular.

Don’t worry, I broke it to Meredith, on our anniversary.

And she is more than ok with it.

My fantasy.

No kids, just her and I.

Traveling, having a lazy morning, and exploring the world together like we did BC (before children).

Ok, now that I shared my deepest darkest fantasy…I realized something else pretty amazing.

The magnitude of things that can happen and be achieved in 7 years.

Bill Gates once said something like, “people overestimate what they can accomplish in a year and seriously underestimate what they can accomplish in 10 years.”

We were amazed when Meredith and I reflected on what we had accomplished in 7 years.

And excited by what the next 7 will hold.

For perspective, 7 years ago, I ended my dream of creating my own company from scratch. I had poured everything I had into a family startup for a little over 4 years.

After having almost nothing left to my name, I decided it was time to move on.

I used a loan from an old 401k to buy and rehab a duplex.

We rehabbed another commercial building.

We bought a second duplex and renovated it.

We had 3 kids, two of which came during a pandemic.

We sold a business.

We bought a fourth property and moved our family 250 miles away.

I started three new jobs.

And I got in shape (dropped my cholesterol by ~120 pts and cut my risk of dying by 64%)…phew.

I’m so excited by what will happen over the next 7 years.

Our fuzzy goal is to achieve self-sovereignty ( a term for financial independence tossed around by personal finance influencers).

Two paths we are pursuing:

1) buying and creating a rustic property with multiple vacation rental options (camping and cabins).

2) buying a boring business, a profitable business most baby boomers couldn’t pass on to the next generation because it isn’t sexy (i.e. car wash, plumbing company, garage door installer, storage units, etc.).

Now its time to get to work.

Happy anniversary my love, and cheers to the next 7 years!

What excites you about the next 7 years?

Getting In Over My Waders As A Dad

I found myself wading in deeper water than I anticipated, and the force of the current only pushed me further.

Initially, a sense of panic started to take hold of me, but I soon realized there was no way to stop what was happening.

I was in over my waders.

It happened on a recent fishing weekend with my dad.

The water crept closer and closer to the top of my waders until it was too late.

As a result, my waders filled up, and I had to float myself to the bank, and drag my waterlogged body to some dry ground.

Struggling to remove my waders, I was determined not to let this setback ruin my day.

After pouring out a hilarious amount of water and wringing out my socks and fleece, I did what any dedicated fisherman would do - I went back to fishing.

Have you ever felt in over your waders as a father?

I recently found myself pushed in over my waders as a dad.

I strive for my children to see me as patient, curious, and lighthearted, but a recent moment didn't align with any of those qualities.

I won't give you the messy details…I lost my cool and we made quite the scene in the parking lot of one of our favorite local eating establishments (not sure we are welcomed back).

I felt like that time in high school when my parents found the stash of empty beer cans from the party I wasn’t supposed to throw while they were out of town.

I was embarrassed and disappointed in myself.

I've been beating myself up over my lack of patience and emotional restraint.

However, I can’t let one mess up ruin things; I’ve got to keep trying.

This incident has prompted me to reflect on the nature of parenting.

It's a lifelong journey, and each day presents countless opportunities for me to be a better father.

Fortunately, my children have already forgiven me, and now I'm also learning to forgive myself.

I'm committed to making an effort daily to improve and grow.

I’m going to dump out those waders and get back at it.

The Easiest Way For Dads To Relieve Stress

Dads, you might not be using this simple yet powerful stress reliever.

We all want to parent with less stress.

But, if you’re like me, you probably forget to do this one simple thing.

And by not doing, we’re allowing stress to creep into your parenting.

The great news is that there is a simple fix.

Laughter.

You’ve heard the saying “laughter is the best medicine.”

May 7 was World Laughter Day.

Studies show that it laughing is the best medicine and here’s why.

Laughing has been shown to trigger relaxation.

It increases powerful chemicals that improve brain health, reduce pain, relax muscles, and lower blood pressure.

Laughter has been shown to create better relationships (strengthen bonds).

Improving our overall emotional health.

And it allows us dads to connect more with our kids and parent with less stress.

But there is a Toby to laughter.

The Toby to parenting is being too serious.

I'm guilty of being too serious.

Imma be parenting “like this my job.”

I want my kids to turn out to be good people.

But I realized that being so intense ratchets the tension when things don't go my way.

A recent guys’ weekend reminded me of the importance of laughing and keeping things light.

I’ve noticed that laughing not only helps me better connect with my kids it also helps me better connect with my wife, my friends, and my colleagues.

I’ve been doing two simple things to help get some laughter back into my life.

First, honing my dad joke skills.

Nothing is better than a good ol’ dad joke that only I find funny and solicits an eye roll from my wife.

The second thing I found to lighten life with laughter is binging comedians.

A good friend of mine introduced me to Nate Bargatze (he has a Netflix special)

I’m also into Sundae Conversations.

And I really like Theo Von.

I started giving myself a break from parenting, business, and finance podcasts and instead started listening to more comedians.

And it has helped.

So with a little bit of laughter, I find more connection and less stress in parenting.

How do you keep it light with your kids?

Do you have any gut-busting recommendations?

We Hired An Expert

Being a dad sometimes feels like a circus.
 
And not the Cirque du Soleil kind.

Most days feel more like Jackie Moon wrestling Dewey the Killer Bear in Semi-Pro, entertaining but on the edge of chaos.   

Most days it feels like I’m shouting “Spumoni” but it doesn’t stop.  

Entertaining but always on the edge of chaos.   

On a recent hike, in the first half, we were having fun discovering treasures of the deep woods.

And then.

Our youngest started crying inconsolably.

While our 3-year-old wanted to be carried.

And our 4 yo pooped his pants. 

Diarrhea has a way of showing up at the most inopportune times. 

I stripped him down in the rainy, 40-degree weather.

Requiring me to put down our 3 yo which sent her into a meltdown.     

I then used his socks as TP (sorry future hikers, for desecrating the untainted trail).

Our nerves were shot; I would rather have been chased by a bear.

And then, instead of going out to dinner as planned, we headed straight home.

Where I had to look at the landscaping projects that have been staring me in the face for almost 2 years.

Our yard was a wreck when we bought the house. We spent the last 2 summers pulling shrubs and removing concrete.

We wanted to do some beautification to move our circus outside when the weather is nice and enjoy our yard.   

But we’ve had difficulty finding the time and energy amidst our routine.

So we decided to hire an expert. 

And we found a landscaping magician to help us beautify our yard so we could enjoy ourselves. 

And it was exactly what we needed.

Offloading projects, better suited for someone else, helps me enjoy the circus more.

And the reduced stress prevents it from devolving into chaos as often.

P.S. The pic is of our Space Cowboy and Cowgirl enjoying our new firepit. Apparently, Space Cowboys fly shirtless.

Loneliness

Dads, have you ever felt alone, even though your family surrounds you?

My wife and I spend the whole day in the same house, yet often feel like ships passing at night.

Barely having the time or energy even to say hi.

I’ve only seen my best friend, once in the last 6 months.

And I WFH.

It has made my daily routine feel like a grind.

My tank empty and a feeling of alone.

If you feel this way, you’re not alone (no pun intended).

The good thing is that other dudes, like you and I, want to connect.

There isn’t a prescription but more of a set of practical things I found to squash the feelings of loneliness.

Here are the 4 doable ways I found to fix the loneliness of being a dad.

1/ Start with self-care.

I start by feeding myself.

To connect with others, I found it crucial to start by connecting with myself.

For me waking up early so I get an hour of quiet time and then an hour at the gym.

I come home refreshed and ready for the day.

It feeds me and gives me the energy to connect with my kids, my wife, my buds and my colleagues.

This plays into my next point.

2/ Connecting with my wife

Sometimes the key to breaking out of my loneliness funk is starting with the relationship closest to me.

My wife.

I make it a priority to connect.

I found a simple daily email with three things; 1) why I’m grateful for her, 2) what my schedule is for the day and 3) something I’m excited (or need) to talk to her about later that evening.

This gives us a reason to connect at night even when we are both exhausted from the day.

We acknowledge and celebrate even a short, 15 min convo.

This builds the connection momentum.

3/ Turn on the cab light.

Having kids has thrust me into a new phase of life. And some of my friends that were friends before are not in the same phase of life.

So what do I do:

Well, find new friends.

Sheeeshh. You might say, “easier said than done.”

As I get older, it gets harder to make new friends.

But for me, it was more of a mindset shift.

When I was helping my gf (now wife) move, as we unpacked her stuff I found a book called “Turn On Your Cab Light.”

It turns out she was reading it when she met me.

And the summary is; to find new relationships, one must be open to new relationships.

My cab light looks like taking a class in something I’m interested in.

And joining a group with a shared goal (fitness class).

The key is finding places and activities where there are several people with the same interests or similar goals.

Usually, these are related to hobbies, or wellness or religion.

This leads to my fourth and final point.

4/ A guys' weekend.

Every year we do a guys' weekend.

We look forward to it like Christmas.

It's on the calendar for the same weekend every year so it is easier to get coverage from our wives.

It also entertains us throughout the year as we relive the weekend through our group text messages.

How have you battled the loneliness that comes with being a committed dad?

The Stress-Free Way To Get Confident Little Bikers

Dads, here’s the simplest way to teach your kids to ride a bike confidently.

The challenge: Teaching our kids to ride a bike is often frustrating for us dads.

Even when our intentions are good.

It doesn't have to be this way.

Here is my no-pressure art of teaching your kids to ride a bike with confidence.

First, here's how learning to ride went for me as a child:

My dad, a firefighter, was more of the cool-aid man (brute force) than a patient teacher.

He took the philosophy when teaching me to ride a bike:

1/ You will thank me later

2/ I don’t care about what you “Feel”. I care about results.

My dad’s approach:

1/ Buy me a new bike.

2/ Take me to a bike path.

3/ Give me a push as I wobble down the trail.

4/ And stay at it until I learned

The problem with this:

Every time he let go I was afraid to go on my own.

Falling down hurts.

He grew impatient.

I could feel his frustration, which only added to my hesitation and fear.

I started to cry.

“Dad, I wanna go home”

His response:

“We can go home if you learn to ride your bike, or we can go home after you have fallen five times.”

The results:

Skinned knees.

Tears.

I left defeated, cycling equaled fear & pain.

I didn’t try to ride my bike again for a year.

It doesn't have to be this way.

Here is my no-pressure art of teaching my son to confidently ride his pedal bike.

And there are 3 simple steps:

1/ Make sure the bike fits your kid properly.

Adjust the seat so their feet sit flat on the ground.

2/ Remove the pedals from the bike.

3/ With the pedal-less bike, they can scoot around on their own. And become more confident on 2 wheels.

The 2 reasons this is better:

1/ Encourages our kids to gain confidence at their own pace.

2/ Allows the experience to be pressure free: this isn’t a zero to a hundred process, but a gradual increase in skill.

Back to my childhood...

Eventually, I did learn how to ride my bike, free from my dad’s impatience.

I’m not mad at him I get his intentions.

He saw the neighborhood kids riding and knew that I would feel excluded If I didn’t learn.

But he made something that should've been fun, super stressful.

It doesn't have to be this way.

Give your kid the tools they need to teach themselves.

Soon, they will be asking you to put the pedals back on their bikes.

What Busy Dads Can Still Learn From Their Parents

Recently, I was inspired to call my mom.  

Teary-eyed, I reached for my phone.

It’s rare that I talk to her these days without interruption and distraction.  

After all, she’s ‘Grammy’ and that trumps everything.  The quality mother/son time that we once had has been replaced by my children’s unending desire to squeeze candy (I mean love) out of their grandma. 

Hearing her voice was what I needed. 

It got me thinking: when do I get to have a moment with my mom anymore?

I’m busy.  

I’m distracted. 

Work, kids, wife, projects, fitness…the list goes on.   

You probably experience this too…things just seem to get busier and busier. 

I wrote a blog about a concept called Tail End.  Tim Urban breaks down how if you are 40 or older you’re at the tail end of many of your most important relationships.

He uses parents as an example.  

By 18 we have spent 90% of our time with them.

We lived with them full-time until then, and from the moment we leave for college we will only see them about 10% more.  

Sobering.

But there is hope.  Because even if you’re in your 40s (like me) you’re a billionaire.

A time billionaire, that is.   

On average people in their 40s should have about a billion seconds left (a billion secs is 31 years).  

The key is to make the most of those billion seconds.  

And overcome the challenge of being distracted or “too busy”.  

And not spending more time with our loved ones.

Even if it is just picking up the phone and being present.   

Or not half listening when someone calls. 

Here is a brief summary of the story that moved me to tears and made me want to call my mom.  

Told by a techie that tried to connect with his mom through tech (full story here).  The reality was that she never wanted to.

She aged and suffered the ailments of aging which caused her to go to assisted living.  

Then the pandemic hit and he was unable to see his mom.

One day during lockdown on his way to the mailbox it dawned on him that writing her letters might help connect.  

The letters went out and to his surprise, letters, from her, showed up in his mailbox.  

Almost every day. 

Eventually, his mom caught covid and her health took a turn for the worst.  

Because of restrictions, he was not able to see her.

Then one day, he desperately attempted to see her from the lawn outside the facility.

It was raining.   The caregiver lifted his mom up to the window.  

Again he had to rely on a low-tech marker and poster board.

He drew a heart.  Through the window, his mom saw and slowly brought her hand up to her heart. 

Unfortunately, his mom’s health continued to erode.  

The facility eventually called and said that his mom’s condition was bad enough that they would break protocol and let him see her. 

He rushed to the facility but it was too late.  

His mom had passed minutes earlier.  Her caregiver held her hand as she passed away. 

My takeaway:

Nothing replaces a real connection with our parents. 

Time is our most precious resource, and I should spend it with those I love.    

I immediately called my mom…just to say hi and that I love her.  

I love you, mom. 

P.S. Pic is my mom and sis celebrating a milestone birthday this past March

The Best Investment

The most underrated investment.  

Yourself. 

Here are 5 simple ways to invest in yourself.

And...

10x your returns which include…

better health, more time with loved ones and yep...

Money! 

This post by ‘Contrarian Thinker’ Codie Sanchez drives home the missed opportunity of not investing in yourself.  

I'm guilty of spending money where the ROI isn’t as big or is zero. 

"Investing in yourself is the best investment you will ever make. It will not only improve your life, it will improve the lives of all those around you." Robin S. Sharma

Investing in yourself will advance your career, help you achieve better health, and discover new income streams. 

It will also improve those around you, especially your family. 

Example:

I’ve been focusing on my health for 8 months now.  

I'm healthier, have more energy and am more present.

Now, my amazing wife got in on the action. 

She started a 4 day a week workout routine for the first time in her life and she has become an unprocessed foodie (healthy and tasty whole foods.)

She makes us the healthiest and tastiest meals all week long. 

And now our kids are getting the best version of mom and dad because we are healthier and more present!

The 5 easy ways I found to invest in myself and reap the magic of compounding returns: 

1/ Hire a coach.  

Someone that can help you succeed because they have been there and done that. 

Who can show you how to succeed.  

A good coach gives you the map and challenges you.

But doesn’t do it for you. 

This past year I found fitness coaches (shout out to my coaches Kyler and Aaron).    

One of my best investments in the last 5 years.   

I’m now harder to kill (lost 25lbs and cut my risk of dying by 67% according to a heart risk calculator).

You can also hire a coach to learn a new hobby or improve practical skills.  

The investment in a coach will level up your game. 

And the results are priceless. 

2/ Take a course or training. 

I’m a lifelong learner, but I was more willing to spend a couple grand on a vacation than on a course that could improve my skills or teach me something new. 

The challenge for me since leaving college was what kind of course should I take?

Here’s where to start, borrowed from Cody Sanchez, but applied to learning.  

The best place to start is by finding something you're curious about and have been interested in learning more about for at least a year.  

Find a skill people are willing to pay for. 

And something where there is a community you can plug into, whether that be locally, on reddit, discord, etc.

It doesn’t always have to be skills that pay the bills.  

It could be an obscure hobby or skill that just improves your life by being good for your brain. 

We must have something that requires active participation that can send our brains into flow.

Flow is like a sweet, sweet massage for the brain. 

And just maybe… 

When a new skill is stacked with your existing skills, it could also impact your earnings. 

Start with what you’re curious about and

make a splash.  

3/ Prioritize learning experiences

This kind of goes along with investing $2k in a training vs. a vacation. 

What if you could do both? 

Our last vacation I planned around a tech conference.  

I invested $1000 in the conference plus the travel to a new country so I could learn about emerging tech trends from experts. 

It was both a vacation and a learning experience.  

My son even joined me and the memories and learning were priceless. 

My lil’ man with AR/VR headsets at the WebSummitt in Lisbon, Portugal.  

4/ Get a certification

Jobs, roles and opportunities are changing so quickly.  

Four-year degrees can’t adapt quickly enough. 

The best way to adapt to the pace of change and prove it is…

To get a certification.

Last year I got two (blockchain and AWS cloud practitioner).

This year I’m gunning for one (robot-related). 

Certifications usually require a test that demonstrates mastery of a topic. 

In IT there are cloud certs (architect, data engineer, etc.), AI certs (prompt engineers) and security certs(CISSP).

And for non-technical, there are project management, HR, and marketing certs.

Even hands-on fields have valuable certs (rad tech, dental assistant, building inspector, aircraft tech, and a slew of green job certs). 

No matter what field you are in there is likely a cert for you.  

5/ Over-index on health.

We’ve all heard the stories of people working their whole life to retire and do what they want and…

then they die without getting to enjoy the fruits of their labor.  Sorry to be grim but it’s true.   

Investing in health now significantly reduces the risk of poor health later.  

My health has been the best investment for me and my family.

It has been a foundation of positive change. 

What ways have you found to invest in yourself?

This Is Killin’ Ya

WFH and desk dads, you might’ve heard before that "sitting is the new smoking."

Our bodies evolved to move.  

Prehistoric humans could be found fishing, running from lions, and building shelters.  

Nowadays, not so much.  

You’re lucky if you make it to a gym session each day when you’re a busy dad.  

How much you sit matters. 

Researchers looked at 13 studies and found that sitting is as bad as being obese or smoking.  Does anyone still smoke these days?

The evidence shows that lack of movement can lead to depression and increase the risk of heart disease, diabetes, and some kinds of cancer.  

I’m a desk jockey and this is my horse.  

I sit at a computer, fire off emails all day and talk with people through my screen on Zoom meetings.

The study did show that 1 hour of moderately intense exercise is a great anti-venom to sitting.  Which I do every morning. 

But I still feel the effects of sitting for hours post workout.  

I need to do better. 

The research inspired me to find a way to combat the effects of sitting at a computer for long stretches. 

And here are the 4 that I found and one of which has had more than a health benefit.  

1/ Take a break

Take a break every 30 minutes per Mayo Clinic.

I found with my 3 young kids that are mostly at home, I use breaks from my desk to chase them around for 10 or 15 min. 

These breaks both revive me and help me connect with my kids.

Wins all the way around. 

2/ Try an alt-desk (standing or walking).  

I haven’t done this because of my WFH setup (see pic up top). 

But people I know who do say it is great.  

It gets the blood flowing and keeps the heart rate up! 

One day when I have a proper office, I will invest in an alt-desk. 

3/ Address the pain points. 

My lower back suffers the most from sitting too much. 

I recently found this lower back routine from fitness influencer Dan Go.  

Great routine for people who sit at desks.

5 minutes to feel stronger & pain free.

1. Cat cows
2. Glute bridge holds
3. McGill crunches
4. Side plank holds
5. Bird dogs

Brace your core & squeeze your glutes hard on each rep.

Try it out & tell me how it went. pic.twitter.com/adO51Az7oF

— Dan Go (@FitFounder) April 20, 2023

I’ve mixed in a few of these moves and it has helped.  

Precise moves that relieve pain points and get you moving are win-win.  

4/ Walkie-Talkie

Walking meetings and phone calls.  

This one has several benefits.  

Especially for a tough call or a cold call.  

It makes me a little looser and a little more relaxed.  

Now that the weather is getting nice I anticipate doing this more often. 

I get steps in and get my work done.  

Have you found anything to incorporate more movement into your day?