Loneliness

Dads, have you ever felt alone, even though your family surrounds you?

My wife and I spend the whole day in the same house, yet often feel like ships passing at night.

Barely having the time or energy even to say hi.

I’ve only seen my best friend, once in the last 6 months.

And I WFH.

It has made my daily routine feel like a grind.

My tank empty and a feeling of alone.

If you feel this way, you’re not alone (no pun intended).

The good thing is that other dudes, like you and I, want to connect.

There isn’t a prescription but more of a set of practical things I found to squash the feelings of loneliness.

Here are the 4 doable ways I found to fix the loneliness of being a dad.

1/ Start with self-care.

I start by feeding myself.

To connect with others, I found it crucial to start by connecting with myself.

For me waking up early so I get an hour of quiet time and then an hour at the gym.

I come home refreshed and ready for the day.

It feeds me and gives me the energy to connect with my kids, my wife, my buds and my colleagues.

This plays into my next point.

2/ Connecting with my wife

Sometimes the key to breaking out of my loneliness funk is starting with the relationship closest to me.

My wife.

I make it a priority to connect.

I found a simple daily email with three things; 1) why I’m grateful for her, 2) what my schedule is for the day and 3) something I’m excited (or need) to talk to her about later that evening.

This gives us a reason to connect at night even when we are both exhausted from the day.

We acknowledge and celebrate even a short, 15 min convo.

This builds the connection momentum.

3/ Turn on the cab light.

Having kids has thrust me into a new phase of life. And some of my friends that were friends before are not in the same phase of life.

So what do I do:

Well, find new friends.

Sheeeshh. You might say, “easier said than done.”

As I get older, it gets harder to make new friends.

But for me, it was more of a mindset shift.

When I was helping my gf (now wife) move, as we unpacked her stuff I found a book called “Turn On Your Cab Light.”

It turns out she was reading it when she met me.

And the summary is; to find new relationships, one must be open to new relationships.

My cab light looks like taking a class in something I’m interested in.

And joining a group with a shared goal (fitness class).

The key is finding places and activities where there are several people with the same interests or similar goals.

Usually, these are related to hobbies, or wellness or religion.

This leads to my fourth and final point.

4/ A guys' weekend.

Every year we do a guys' weekend.

We look forward to it like Christmas.

It's on the calendar for the same weekend every year so it is easier to get coverage from our wives.

It also entertains us throughout the year as we relive the weekend through our group text messages.

How have you battled the loneliness that comes with being a committed dad?