What Busy Dads Can Still Learn From Their Parents

Recently, I was inspired to call my mom.  

Teary-eyed, I reached for my phone.

It’s rare that I talk to her these days without interruption and distraction.  

After all, she’s ‘Grammy’ and that trumps everything.  The quality mother/son time that we once had has been replaced by my children’s unending desire to squeeze candy (I mean love) out of their grandma. 

Hearing her voice was what I needed. 

It got me thinking: when do I get to have a moment with my mom anymore?

I’m busy.  

I’m distracted. 

Work, kids, wife, projects, fitness…the list goes on.   

You probably experience this too…things just seem to get busier and busier. 

I wrote a blog about a concept called Tail End.  Tim Urban breaks down how if you are 40 or older you’re at the tail end of many of your most important relationships.

He uses parents as an example.  

By 18 we have spent 90% of our time with them.

We lived with them full-time until then, and from the moment we leave for college we will only see them about 10% more.  

Sobering.

But there is hope.  Because even if you’re in your 40s (like me) you’re a billionaire.

A time billionaire, that is.   

On average people in their 40s should have about a billion seconds left (a billion secs is 31 years).  

The key is to make the most of those billion seconds.  

And overcome the challenge of being distracted or “too busy”.  

And not spending more time with our loved ones.

Even if it is just picking up the phone and being present.   

Or not half listening when someone calls. 

Here is a brief summary of the story that moved me to tears and made me want to call my mom.  

Told by a techie that tried to connect with his mom through tech (full story here).  The reality was that she never wanted to.

She aged and suffered the ailments of aging which caused her to go to assisted living.  

Then the pandemic hit and he was unable to see his mom.

One day during lockdown on his way to the mailbox it dawned on him that writing her letters might help connect.  

The letters went out and to his surprise, letters, from her, showed up in his mailbox.  

Almost every day. 

Eventually, his mom caught covid and her health took a turn for the worst.  

Because of restrictions, he was not able to see her.

Then one day, he desperately attempted to see her from the lawn outside the facility.

It was raining.   The caregiver lifted his mom up to the window.  

Again he had to rely on a low-tech marker and poster board.

He drew a heart.  Through the window, his mom saw and slowly brought her hand up to her heart. 

Unfortunately, his mom’s health continued to erode.  

The facility eventually called and said that his mom’s condition was bad enough that they would break protocol and let him see her. 

He rushed to the facility but it was too late.  

His mom had passed minutes earlier.  Her caregiver held her hand as she passed away. 

My takeaway:

Nothing replaces a real connection with our parents. 

Time is our most precious resource, and I should spend it with those I love.    

I immediately called my mom…just to say hi and that I love her.  

I love you, mom. 

P.S. Pic is my mom and sis celebrating a milestone birthday this past March