Contrary To Popular Belief Your Kids Shouldn’t Rule Your Life And It Starts With Sleep
Sleep Training: How To Go From CIA Agent To Zen Buddha In 7 Steps
Your sweet lil newborn has arrived!
You are OOOOHing and AHHHing over your new addition as they peacefully rest all…day…long
But as soon as night hits…
Your sweet little peanut flips like a switch…
Under the cover of dark…
Your peaceful-sleep-all-day-baby turns into a CIA operative…
Trained in the art of enhanced interrogation…
Specialized in the tactic of sleep deprivation torture.
Sleep deprivation is still an allowable interrogation tactic
And you get up for work the next morning feeling like something out of The Walking Dead
Spoiler… you don’t have to walk through the next 2 years of your child’s life feeling like a zombie.
With a little effort up front…
You can improve your baby’s development…
Get some sleep for yourself…
All while coaching your child to their first life lesson…learning independence.
Sleep training is often our first real ‘parenting’ effort.
But don’t go it alone. You will need a partner in this special op.
Start With Why: You want your baby to thrive
Sleep is important...not only for you but even more important for the development of your child. Sleep is as critical as food to your baby’s development.
Diplomacy tip: Start With Why (ode to Simon Sinek). The above ‘Why’ + the research below = my wife onboard.
NEWS FLASH: the research is in (by the Sleep Foundation here):
“Sleep plays a crucial role in the development of young minds. In addition to having a direct effect on happiness, research shows that sleep impacts alertness and attention, cognitive performance, mood, resiliency, vocabulary acquisition, and learning and memory. Sleep also has important effects on growth, especially in early infancy.”
So how can you support your newborn to receive uninterrupted brain development all night long?
And turn your sleep deprivation operative into a lil zen sleep buddha.
We followed the 12 Hours’ of Sleep by 12 Weeks Old written by Suzy Giordano method to achieve success for 2 out of 3 kids. I will refer to it as 12x12 for brevity.
Our stat line for both kids:
Hours: ~12 sweet uninterrupted hours…at night (varied 11 to 12.5 hrs)
by about 14 weeks…not exactly 12 weeks but sure damn close.
It made a world of a difference for our little nuggets and for my wife and I. Remind me to tell you about the cry it out method we used for our oldest.
The HOW of the 12x12:
PRO TIP: make sure your partner is onboard to avoid getting your head lopped off and to increase your chances of success.
PRO TIP Part Deux: Read the book before baby comes. I am a super slow reader and it took me less than a week. Trust me you will want to prioritize this read.
Roughly 7 steps summarized below with more detailed summary here:
Put Eyes On It (0 to 8 weeks). Keep track of your baby’s sleeping and eating schedule
Jot it down. Keep a (eat and sleep) schedule of your lil’ nuggets natural rhythm
Trigger Alert! Feed 4 hrs apart. Stretch out those feedings to 4 hrs apart for overnight success- Medical disclaimer: talk to your doc about this one
Bootcamp Starts. Mark your calendar Sleep Training Bootcamp at 8 weeks your peanut starts to get real with a schedule and you can start nudging them into your preferred sleep and eat schedule
Time to trim. Once that sweet lil’ pooper has their schedule dialed in, trim the number of nighttime feedings by slightly reducing the amount of food during those feedings. And you know what…the nighttime feeding will magically drop.
DO NOT rush in (pause for 3 - 5 minutes). set your sweet pea down EXHAUSTED and milk drunk but NOT asleep. Try during nap time to start. Give them 3 to 5 minutes before waltzing in. This gives your lil’ monkey a chance to learn self soothing.
Go for GOLD. Between week 10 and 14 bebe will drop the overnight feeding like it's hot. And then…your sugar sweet will be snug as a bug in a rug for +11 hours. This won’t be without a few wake ups. This is the parent training part…practice pausing…take a deep breath…allow your child to cry each time waiting 3 to 5 min. It gives them a chance to learn how to self-soothe. Repeat until your child learns to stay in the crib for +11 hours.
PRO TIP Part Tres: A 5 min pause can be HARDDDDD! Use your phone, set a timer and make sure you give your baby a chance. Think about it this way…you are helping your child to learn their first lesson in independence…you are allowing them to learn to self soothe and put themselves to sleep. The short term pain is worth the lifetime gain.
After 12x12 you will be the envy of your friends. They will want to know:
“how did you get your baby to sleep through the night at 3 months and achieve the enlightened zen sleep buddha status?”
Your child’s development will thank you,
Your Fitbit sleep score will thank you and
Your relationship with your partner will thank you.
The NO Pressure Art of Teaching Your Kids To Ride A Bike
Dads, don’t make this common mistake.
Teaching our kids to ride a bike can be as challenging for us dads as for our kids.
Here is the no pressure art of teaching your kids to ride a bike with confidence.
When my dad taught me how to ride a bike, he had two things to say:
You will thank me later
I don’t care about what you “Feel”. I care about results.
His Methodology:
Buy me a new bike.
Take me to a bike path.
Hold me by the shoulders as I wobble down the trail.
The problem?
Every time he let go, I would put my foot down.
I was afraid to go on my own.
This is rational; falling down hurts.
He was patient with me at first.
He would tell me, “The faster you go, the easier it is!”
While this is literally true, this advice did not factor in the real fear I felt.
He grew impatient.
I could feel his frustration, which only added to my hesitation and fear.
I started to cry.
Now, I can recognize that I was crying because I felt like he wasn’t listening to me.
“Dad, I wanna go home”
His response:
“We can go home if you learn to ride your bike, or we can go home after you have fallen five times.”
The results:
Skinned knees.
Tears.
I left the trail defeated, now associating cycling with fear and pain.
I didn’t try to ride my bike again for a year.
It doesn’t have to be like this.
This isn’t about the training method I am going to share with you, but about what the spirit of it teaches us about being a loving coach.
The New Method:
Make sure the bike fits your kid properly. For this, that means adjusting the seat so that their feet sit flat on the ground.
Remove the pedals from the bike.
With the pedal-less bike, let the kid scoot around on their own. They will naturally become more confident on two wheels, and soon they will be ready for you to put the pedals back on.
This method does two things better:
Encourages our kids to gain confidence at their own pace.
Allows the experience to be pressure free: this isn’t a zero to a hundred process, but a gradual increase in skill.
I did learn how to ride my bike eventually. Alone, out in our quiet street. It was in this environment, free from my dad’s impatience, that I found the confidence to try again.
I’m not mad at him; I understand how pure his intentions were. He saw all the neighborhood kids riding, and knew that I would feel excluded If I didn’t learn.
In his zealousness to help me, he made something that should have been fun incredibly stressful.
We don’t have to parent like this.
By creating an environment in which learning a new skill is fun and gradual, our kids will be able to teach themselves.
Don’t put your hand on your kids shoulder, and then be frustrated when they miss your support.
Instead, give your kid the tools they need to teach themselves.
Soon, they will be asking you to put the pedals back on their bikes.
Meditation: Yes, You Can Do It With Your Whiskey Nightcap
Meditation: Yes, You Can Do It With Your Whiskey Nightcap
Do you ever:
Forget what you were stressing about?
Waste more energy trying to remember what exactly was stressing you out?
What the Kids Call A “Full Send”
Work. Dad Life. Checking in on your buddy’s tailgate party via Facebook. We all are constantly bombarded with stuff.
Being Busy Is Normal…
But problems arise when our monkey brain cannot differentiate between a serious responsibility, and a GIF of a man attacking a table.
This is where mindfulness meditation comes in.
Think of your brain as your browser: Maybe you have 14 tabs open.
Or this many…
On one, you have CNBC pulled up…yikes.
One, your high-school girlfriend’s facebook page (dodged a bullet).
All of the tabs are like this, except one, which is your actual work.
With all of these mental distractions, it can feel impossible to focus on what is actually important.
At its most effective, Meditation is like closing out all your unnecessary mental-tabs.
This isn’t just a psychological process: Mindfulness practice has been shown to increase the density of Gray Matter in your brain, which is a factor responsible for cognitive performance.
Now, this doesn’t mean you have to shave your head and join a monastic order: This survey found that even five minutes of daily meditation can improve focus and reduce stress in individuals.
Thankfully, our digital overlords have made practicing mindfulness super easy.
I use Insight Timer (Not an Ad! Just a fan).
What this looks like for me: my workday is over, but I’m still rereading my emails for typos.
Thanks Google, I am now 200% more confused.
I open the App, and search: “Meditation for Work”.
I filter by time, and now Clarence’s soothing voice is guiding me through a five minute breathing exercise.
The five minutes is over. At its best, I feel totally relaxed and centered afterwards. At its worst, I feel only marginally better.
Never, and I repeat never, have I felt worse after a mediation .
Not Clarence(But this is how I imagine him).
Try A Five Minute Guided Meditation
Meditation is one of those weird paradoxes of productivity: By dedicating yourself to giving a little bit of time daily, you will gain a lot of time in the long-run.
What Dr. Dhillon Said
By re-aligning your thoughts with your goals, you can spend your energy only working on the stuff that is actually important to your life.
More time with kids. Less time remembering what you need to worry about.
Pairs With: Four-Minute Meditation For Self-Acceptance
P.S.
Yes, you can do it with your whiskey nightcap. Just try to save your sips for before and after the meditation(Clarence will smell it on you).
The 9 Do’s And Don’ts Of A Father-Son Roadtrip
The 9 Do’s And Don’ts Of A Father-Son Roadtrip plus a bonus
The Open Road. Limitless Possibilities. The Roadtrip might be the quintessential American vacation. While taking the entire family out to Joshua Tree is awesome, the Father-Son roadtrip can be an unforgettable-moment-making-machine.
To help make sure your unforgettable-moment-making-machine doesn’t become a future-resentment-making-machine, here are The 9 Do’s And Don’ts Of A Father-Son-Roadtrip.
DO: Make Your Son Lead Navigator
His Two New Friends: Rand & McNally
Give him an atlas. Tell him: You are the navigator.
Not only will he revel in the weight of imagined responsibility, he will be growing his Spatial Intelligence, which will help in the future when he’s signing up for Geometry class.
DON’T: Be The Roadtrip Dictator
“No Bathroom Stops For You!”
Nothing kills curiosity faster than these four words: Because I said so.
Frame this roadtrip as an adventure. That means being open to his suggestions(within reason).
Which brings me to my next point…
DO: Allow Time For Spontaneous Adventures
“It’s Wayyyyyy More Impressive In Person”-You Guys Explaining The Pics To Your Wife
This isn’t the cross-country mission to college you took when you were 18.
Is your son ridiculously excited to see The World’s Largest Ball Of Sisal Twine?
Do it!
The fun of a roadtrip is the capacity for spontaneous adventures.
You aren’t on a bullet train. Take advantage of what makes a roadtrip special.
DON’T: Pass Through A Major City During Rush Hour
“How many more minutes, dad?”
If road trips are all about feeling the wind in your hair (if you still have some), nothing deflates the mood faster than bumper to bumper traffic.
If you know you have to pass through a major city, do your best to do it early in the morning, or late at night.
DO: Take A Peek Under The Hood Before Embarking
…Or Have The Pro’s Do It
If you thought some traffic killed all of your momentum, wait ’til your transmission craps out in the middle of northern Idaho.
Trust me, you do not want to be stranded in Kooskia for three days.
DON’T: Be A Cheapskate
Not Pictured: The Laxatives Necessary After 3 Straight Baloney Sandwich Days
Baloney sandwiches are great, but a real meal every once and awhile is essential to making sure that your road trip is not entering future-resentment-making-machine territory.
Splash out on at least one real meal a day.
Both your bowels and your son will thank you.
That being said, another great way to save money is…
DO: Bring Camping Supplies!
Long Exposure Selfie Not Included With Tent
While hotel stays can be an essential recharge after a long day crammed in the car, spending the night under the stars can be one of those moments your kid will never forget.
Plus, this isn’t an ultralight thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail.
Bring all the gadgets you want.
Bring that heavy cast iron griddle.
Make Smashburgers in Yellowstone.
DON’T: Check Your Emails
Is It Worth Your Joy?
Before you go, make sure that you have taken all of the steps necessary to unplug.
By being confident you aren’t forgetting something, you fully immerse yourself in the moment.
(Your kid will appreciate it, also)
DO: Give Your Kid Disposable Cameras And Hire Him As Your Photographer
You’re Out-Of-Frame, Dad!
Again, this is an opportunity to make your kid feel like he’s contributing towards the mission.
Plus…
Novelty of a Film Camera + The Mystery of How The Pics Will Turn Out =
Fun lesson in delayed gratification.
Now, all of this has been fun, but whatever you do……
BONUS: DO NOT USE THE ROAD-TRIP TO GIVE “THE TALK”
Don’t Do It, Man
If you don’t want this trip to forever be associated with the in’s and out’s of puberty, save “the talk” for a day you don’t plan on doing anything fun.
Let this trip be memorable for all of the right reasons, and none of the awkward ones.