I Realized I Was Missing Something

Being a dad, for me, is a serious responsibility.

I think my greatest responsibility, as I’m sure you can tell.

My wife and I live and breathe clean up all the messes of parenting

It often feels like a job.

My good intentions; to see my kids turn out as respectful and kid adults has me trying hard.

My effort and laser focus might actually be making things harder.

Like an athlete who gets into a slump and then tries even harder but actually makes it worse.

That’s how I’ve been feeling about my parenting right now…I’m just trying too hard.

This realization has pushed me to test out a new approach.

Instead, I’m trying to have more fun with it.

I was trying to see every moment as a chance to guide them to be more kind, resilient and independent children.

Now.

I’m just having fun.

So when one of my kids does something I don’t like, instead of correcting them I’m trying to find a way to have fun with it first so we can connect.

Once we have connected, then I can find a way to guide them.

This past weekend we laughed a lot…and it seems my attitude shift might be helping.

I hope to spend more time experiencing them and less time trying so hard to get the outcome.

How are you feeling as a dad? Do you, like me, take parenting seriously (maybe too seriously)? Or have you found ways to have fun with it?

We Got Stuck With Nuns For 5 Hours…It Was The Best

I just had the best vacation, and it couldn't have come at a better time.

As a busy and stressed dad taking a break from the constant hustle was a much-needed luxury.

Here's why this trip meant so much to us...

This was our first vacation without the kids in almost two years and was long overdue.

The last time we had a kidless trip was during our babymoon before our third and final child arrived. I don’t think it even counts.

That trip was marred by my inability to taste a thing (I had covid) and solo-painting two bedrooms.

This time, however, we embarked on a remarkable adventure that brought us closer together.

Our trip consisted of; getting trapped for five hours in a convent with nuns, witnessing the democratic process, and reconnecting with great friends, we rarely see in person.

We visited the offices of our Senator and House representative and sat in the gallery of both the house and senate to observe democracy.

Other than saying the pledge of allegiance with the House members it wasn’t very impressive.

The house reps spent their time giving shoutouts (bdays and retirement) to constituents from their district.

But what made this trip truly special was the time we spent with our friends, without the constant distractions of kids.

Reconnecting with old pals felt incredible and reminded us of the importance of maintaining those connections.

An unexpected twist occurred when we got stuck in a convent. My wife's best friend from elementary school joined a silent order of nuns.

My wife connected via handwritten letter before our trip to DC and we were invited for dinner (and a whole lot more).

The nuns were surprisingly humorous and heartwarming, adding a unique dimension to our vacation. You bet I cracked a habit (nun's cloak) joke or two.

Spending five days away from our kids was the perfect balance. The first two days allowed us to relax fully, while by the fifth day, we started to miss our little monkeys.

I can't thank my parents and sis enough for enlisting in a tour of caring for our furiously independent kiddos.

And the real magic.

Not only did we feel more connected to each other as a couple, but we also felt rejuvenated and ready to be the best parents we could be to our kids.

Our children, too, seemed to have needed this break, as they happily piled into the car to be with us again, without a single complaint.

This trip was a game-changer for our family dynamics, emphasizing the importance of taking time for ourselves and each other.

It gave us a chance to unwind, recharge, and remember why we cherish being parents.

As soon as my parents forget about the exhaustion of looking after our kids, we'll be planning another trip.

TBH, my weekend, it sucked.

TBH, my weekend, it sucked.

Saturday morning began with me twiddling my thumbs, waiting for our adorable 3-year-old to rise from her slumber.

And boy, did she take their sweet time—didn't pop up until a glorious 10 a.m.

The rest of the day? A whirlwind of backbreaking yard work. Picture me hauling rocks, moving an ancient fence I dismantled, and triumphantly assembling a brand-new trampoline.

But instead of basking in the results by going on a tranquil hike or some well-deserved relaxation, our eldest fell ill faster than a bowling ball in a kiddie pool. Poor kiddo.

When we finally got the kids to bed and thought we could savor a moment of husband-and-wife time, our son woke up, and the next two hours were a chaotic symphony of puking.

And the icing on the cake, my early morning fishing plans...dashed.

Courtesy of my son's heroic performance of vomiting and, uh, other unmentionables.

And our other two bundles of joy decided to treat us to a chorus of "wake ups" throughout the night (a blowout diaper and several "I'm scared").

But you know what? Looking back on it, I realize something. This rollercoaster of a weekend reminded me of the true essence of being called "Dad."

🧡 We care.

🛠 We build.

💥 We provide.

💪 We summon our strength.

You know what? Scratch that my weekend didn't suck. In fact, it was pretty darn incredible.

Sure, I didn't get to do what I had planned, but I got to fully embrace the magnificent role of a dad—the sleepless nights, the unexpected messes, the comforting whispers in the dark.

It's a true testament to the power of fatherhood.

So, maybe your weekend wasn't all rainbows and unicorns either, but I have a hunch that amidst the chaos, you shone brilliantly as a dad.

Let's celebrate the journey of fatherhood together!

P.S. Pic of my two bundles of joy I devoted extra attention to this weekend.

Connect with Your Wife By Getting Awkward Like Michael Scott

Do you ever dread situations where you’re forced to meet someone new?

Do you cringe at meeting a new work colleague or attending a friend’s holiday party?

How will I fill those empty voids? How do I keep the conversation going? Those are just a couple of questions that race through my mind in these scenarios.  

Psychologists believe your next new friend might be made by exploring Michael Scott-style awkward questions.  

Michael Scott is notorious for his get-too-personal, too-quick style of interacting. 

But it’s not just Michael Scott who believes in getting up close and personal with new people.  

According to head doctors, guinea pigs participants in an awkward question study reported feeling more connected and happier with their ‘new acquaintances.’  

These researchers outlined a series of questions designed to make people feel vulnerable, which tends to break down walls and forge a closeness.  

I wanted to put it to the test, so I asked my wife if she would be up for a “hot new experiment” (she rolled her eyes at first but eventually got on board.)

I scrolled through the questions below, which turned into 45 minutes of fun and laughter.  Heck, I even learned something new about my wife. 

Try the questions out with your wife/partner before trying this on a stranger.  You both might have a good time, learn something new, and feel more connected. 

Of course, I can’t suggest being vulnerable without exposing myself.  So here are the awkward-inducing questions from the article and my response to add color. 

Q: "Can you describe a time you cried in front of another person?"

A: Nothing can bring tears like old yeller…definitely the passing of our family dog.

Q: "What is one of the more embarrassing moments in your life?"

A: Any one of the 100 times one of my kids lost it in public.

Q: "For what in your life do you feel most grateful?"

A: My daily routine.  Wake up early to write and read (before the monsters get up), do an AM workout, a midday meditation (in between juggling work and some fiercely independent kiddos). 

Q: "If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, your future, or anything else, what would you want to know?"

A: Are we going to make it?  Our current forecast; is a Michigan winter, 3 kids under five, at home, while I’m trying to WFH. 

Q: "What do you love doing?"

A: Exploring and discovering.  Translation; hiking, hunting, traveling and foraging for mushrooms (not at the same time).  

Q: "What do you regret most?"

A: Wish I knew in my 20s what I know now (at 42). Translation; Invested in more real estate, went on a grand adventure (like the kid that built a log cabin by hand…check this out), did not work right after college but moved to Paris, tended bar, and learned French (oui, oui).

Q: "Where do you see yourself in five years?"

A: Also the worst interview question.  I didn’t answer, who knows what will happen in 5 years. 

And finally, the lightning round.  Here are a few more questions to keep the awkwardness going.  

Q: "Are you better at working, or relaxing?"

A: relaxing

Q: "Are you more sensitive to news, or fiction?"

A: probably news (I don’t think I would use this question). 

Q: "Given the choice, would you live alone or with others?"

A: This is easy…others. 

Q: "Which comes more naturally to you, gratitude or generosity?"

A: Generosity

Q: "Do you often forgo transparency for kindness?" 

A: Absolutely…sometimes I wish I was a bit blunter (Breaking Bad Saul-style)

So get awkward.  Start with your partner.  See what you learn.  And then, if it works, go all Michael Scott, and get awkward at your next meet and greet. 

5 Things I’m Doing In 2023 To Crush Dadding

A new year is like a new pair of underwear.  It doesn’t feel right until you’ve worn them in, if you know what I’m saying. 

Here are 5 things I plan on making 2023 fit a little more comfortably as a dad:

1/ No Judgment January

No Judgment January is like dry January but with the alcohol (well, not exactly). 

I’m committing for the next 30 days. 

The commitment; is not to judge, blame or criticize my kids.  

By approaching each scream, cry, yell, or fighting (you know, 2x4 over the head like Hacksaw Jim Duggan) as Sherlock Holmes, with complete curiosity, and without emotion.  

So rather than immediately judging, blaming, or criticizing, I am looking to understand the feeling or emotion causing my child’s temporary lapse of judgment. 

The goal is to be a calmer dad by being calmer in the most stressful situations with my kiddos.  

So a 30-day commitment it is.  

I hope that after 30 days, I’m not going to go back to judging, blaming, and criticizing because a good habit was formed by going hard for a short period.  

Wish me luck.

2/ Learn something new 

I found an Airbnb experience (renting an activity vs. a house) where I can learn to become a fun-ghi.   There’s a lady locally that teaches mushroom foraging. 

I already forage mushrooms (morels and puff balls) but want to ‘expand’ my mind.  I’m just going for edible mushrooms, not psychedelic type…I don’t think.  

It doesn’t matter what, but I feel like I’m growing when I'm learning.  

3/ An expanded source of info.  

I’m a podcast/YouTube junkie.  

I get a dopamine hit from learning something new, but I listen to the same four or five.  

I need to expand my horizon, so I’m searching for a new podcast.  

Two I’m considering are:  

Founders (https://founders.simplecast.com/) is one.  

Have you seen a business biography? They’re 900-page bibles.  

Founders is a one to two-hour summary of biographies of the most successful entrepreneurs (think Steve Jobs) highlighting the keys to their success.  

I’m also considering How To Take Over The World (https://www.httotw.com/), a concise summary of some of the greatest conquerors of land, industry, and economy. 

Any other podcasts I should consider?

4/ No more play-by-play. 

Recently, I had one of those light bulb moments when my wife gives me the play-by-play of how one of our kids is ruining the day…it sets me off.   

So I decided not to focus on the play-by-play but on the feeling I was feeling and tagging my wife in if my emotions were running high. 

Again the goal is to be Yoda (calm and consistent guide) for my kids.  And I can achieve that only if I’m not fired up.  

5/ One-on-one time 

Make one-on-one time a priority with each of my kids every week.  

A trip to the grocery store, a puzzle together, or maybe a snowy walk. 

A little individual time for us to connect. 

What are you doing to make 2023 the best year yet?

How To Make Christmas Less Stressful

Aaaah Christmas. 

Ever feel like Clark Griswold from Christmas vacation?

Stressed out trying to find your family that perfect gift while juggling hanging Christmas lights, closing out the year at work, and hosting family (especially your weird cousin)?

Here are five ways to make Christmas a little less stressful, keep our kids more grounded, and feel more connected. 

1/ Sling soup at a soup kitchen

Every year, the day after Christmas, my mom signed us up to serve at the local soup kitchen. 

We complained. We wanted to play with our Christmas toys at home in our PJs.  

However, we grew to enjoy it and have many great stories from this time.  

We also learned that people are in need, and serving others feels good. 

2/ Buy gifts for someone else’s family 

Wait, what family would give up gifts for Christmas?!?!

And how does this help me remove the stress of buying gifts by buying gifts for a whole other family?

Hear me out. 

Adopting a family is easier because they typically give you a list of wants and needs.  

You don’t need to find the perfect gift for each family member (this can be a painstaking hunt).  

Also, your kids eventually learn it is better to give than receive.  

Think about it.  Most of the ‘things’ your kids and spouse want are things we can get almost any day of the year if we need them.  

Many families don’t have this luxury, so why not teach the importance of giving by blessing a family in need?

3/ Stoke the embers of a new ritual

Holidays are all about tradition.  

Why not start something new (our blog about new rituals here). 

Try creating a new ritual that your family gets excited about every year.                

One idea we explored after having some of the most delicious pancakes diner pancakes was trying to recreate the perfect fluffy diner-style pancakes.  

Try a new recipe from scratch (no pre-boxed pancake mix).  

Let it get a little messy. 

Then each year, try to top the previous year's pancakes. Slathering those pancakes with butter and your neighbor's homemade maple syrup doesn’t hurt, either. 

4/ Learn a new party trick, as a family

We have gotten into the rhythm of doing family cooking classes together over the holidays.  

One year we learned to cook gritty south Philly Italian in a Philly neighborhood right out of the Rocky movie. 

Where do you find something like this? 

Look at Airbnb Experiences in your local area.  

Or check out a Masterclass.    

YouTube is a great place to learn how to DIY just about anything (learn to whistle loudly like a train or impress guests by learning to juggle).  

Do it together as a family. Even if it is a bust, there will still be a Christmas story that will likely live on for years. 

5/ Don’t do things, do experiences

Go to a museum with your family. 

Go on an epic hike (or snowshoe if you are in Northern Michigan) where the destination is a treat (bakery, breakfast, or brewery). 

Make a scavenger hunt (here’s one you can print off) in your neighborhood, and let the winner or winning team pick the next activity. 

The Takeaway

Let’s make the Holidays easier on ourselves and a little less stressful by finding ways to connect more and focusing on experiences rather than things. 

I’m A Billionaire

Billionaire.

That's not a word most of us would associate ourselves with.

Bold statement alert... I am a billionaire and you probably are too.

Let me explain.

I’m 42 and what this means is that I’m at the tail end of a majority of my most important relationships and important experiences.

For instance, 90% of my time with my parents has already been spent. I lived with them full-time until I was 18 and now, I might see them one weekend a month. Most of my time with them has been lived.

The reverse is true for my kids. Over the next ~18 years, I will have spent 90% of my time with my kids.

This is sobering but also motivating.

Tim Urban has visualized this concept of the Tail End. He visualizes all his favorite things showing how much he has already experienced them and how much time he likely has left to experience each.

If I live to my mid-80s I might only have 40 Autumns left with my wife and kids…I better find a way to relish each one.

We can also look at this through the lens of time. If we took our graphing calculator with a couple of quick strokes you would see how most of us are billionaires.

Not by the zeroes in our bank account but as a measure of time. We're all likely ‘time’ billionaires. 11 days is a million seconds and 31 years is a billion seconds. That means most of us are billionaires with the wealth of time, our most precious resource.

My takeaway:

Since I am on the tail-end of most of my most important relationships and experiences I better make the most of my time with my kids, especially fall hikes.

And I am rich. I likely have a billion seconds left and it is up to me how I use that billion to enrich my life and my kids and the lives of those around me.

P.S. This was one of our last fall hikes of the season. Check out that lil’ creeper in the background.

How to support your baby’s brain growth

Have you ever wondered how to raise a baby genius? 

When your child was a newborn, did you bask in the glory of comments like, “she’s so alert for her age!” 

Whether you admit it or not, we all secretly prize intelligence in our children from an early age.

Like every dad with their first baby, I gazed into the eyes of my sweet little nugget looking for signs of brilliance.

I convinced myself that our son had potential for greatness when he locked eyes with me as a newborn and smiled. 

Oh wait.  That was just gas.   

Nevertheless, I knew one of my most important jobs as a dad would be to nurture my child's growing brain as much as possible. 

So naturally I hit Google hard with the mission to throw some dollars at the right toys, books and gadgets. 

Anyone out there know “Baby Einstein” products?  Yeah…I do too.

After getting past the nervous jitters phase of first time parenting.

And upon shelling out some serious dough on eco-friendly, wooden, no light, no sound, no battery toys, I came to a thrilling conclusion…

While these gadgets do have some benefit, I discovered I already had the answer, no additional purchase required.  Thank goodness.

Disclaimer: this isn’t a technique that will help you raise MENSA certified geniuses.  That is just nature, not nurture.  This is rather about nurturing our kids to their fullest potential.  

The answer...Peekaboo. 

Disappointed?  Don’t be.  Read on.

A baby’s brain makes over 1 million neural connections EVERY SECOND.  The first 5 years of life are the most important (and fastest) phase of brain development. 

So how does peekaboo help?

The Answer: Serve And Return

It forms a SERVE and RETURN interaction between you and your baby, which turns out is just what your little one is craving.   

No, not a classic Agassi vs. Sampras match…

Serve and return is what science-y folks at Harvard say is the best way for parents to shape their child’s brain architecture (fancy word for building healthy brain development).

A baby’s brain is rapidly building connections (neural pathways).  These pathways control everything from our emotions to our decision making to how we think about the world.  

Healthy pathways are created or strengthened when your baby cries, babbles or reaches (the serve) and we engage (the return). The return might be making eye contact, giving a facial expression, talking, playing or laying on a hug.  

Now, we won’t always be perfect and sometimes our kids might send over an ace (we might miss the serve).  But in order to be active in your child’s brain development, we must try to return most of the serves (note to self…put the phone down).  

So how much should we be practicing serve and return? 

We must do this EARLY and OFTEN.

I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking damn I don’t do this enough with my baby. 

But hold on. 

You probably do without realizing it.  This doesn’t have to be perfect.  It really just requires that you be present with your child and soak up their adorable selves.

Molly (one of the youngest Ted speakers ever) notes, in her great Ted Talk, that games like copycat, naming and peekaboo build critical brain connections starting right out of the womb.  Supporting important  brain growth that will help our kids make friends, take tests, get jobs and one day be great parents.   

The challenge to us:  Be ready and present, put away our screens and engage on the court of child interaction.  Do this EARLY and OFTEN (as much as you can).  And remember the more SERVES we RETURN the more growth we will both experience.  And our children will thrive by five. 

Dads, Do This To Raise Badass Girls

Want to raise a badass daughter?

A daughter that isn't a helpless princess but is strong and independent?

I do!

I have two lovely daughters and want to raise them to be badasses (confident, fearless, and independent). 

I don't want lil' princesses waiting for some prince to come to save them. 

I want them to f@#k shit up! 

The Disney princess message isn't the best for our daughters (thankfully, Disney finally gets that). 

Here are eight things we dads can do to raise fiercely independent (badass) daughters who can conquer any life obstacle.  

NOTE: For this guide, I adapted a great piece by wicked smart parenting expert (Harvard trained) @KimmySWolfe. If you want to expand more on this topic, read more of her work here.

1/DON'T BE AFRAID OF "TABOO" TOPICS

"Great fathers touch on as many topics as possible with their daughters, even the uncomfortable ones."

"It's listening and sharing your viewpoints so that she feels loved, seen, and supported."

This will prepare her for tough conversations (personal or business) later in life. 

2/ FIND WAYS TO DO STUFF TOGETHER

Take time with your daughter. Ask her to join you on a trip to the hardware store. Read a book next to her while she is reading. Take a walk. Have a daddy/daughter date night. Just take time with her. 

3/ ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

Use your own life experiences as opportunities to teach your girl how to handle situations. Our daughters will observe how we react. Model the behavior you want in your daughter. Modeling could look like how we deal with that car that just cut you off. Show her what it's like to be a good neighbor and a good husband. You will leave an imprint on her.    

4/ TREAT HER LIKE SHE'S THE HERO

Have high expectations. Show and tell your daughter she is strong, independent, and capable. Be her supporter, not her savior. Don't jump in to fix her problems (like a prince saving a princess). She can do it now; show her that by being her sideline coach and supporter.  

5/ USE A STORY

A story is the most powerful way to share values or learnings with our daughters. It will feel less like a lecture (how many times did you fall asleep during your first year in Chem101?). 

Melanie Green, a professor at the University at Buffalo states, "stories can alter broader attitudes — like our views on relationships, politics or the environment. Messages that feel like commands — even good advice… aren't always received well." 

A story conveys information in a relatable package… "the information will likely come across less like a lecture and more like a personal truth."

6/ CHUCK YOUR PHONE

Be present. When it is daddy/daughter time, don't let anything interrupt. Show her that she's important and your time together is precious by locking your phone away. One day your lil' girl will be tending to her family and responsibilities.  

7/ BE SPONTANEOUS 

Don't wait. For a weekend. A birthday. Be impromptu. Maybe even play hooky. Here's why playing hooky is a great idea

It will make the time together more memorable.  

8/ CHEER THE HARD WORK (not the outcome)

Don't celebrate the A+; rather, cheer all the hours she spent studying. Celebrating the hard work reinforces the independence and grit needed to be a badass.  

Dad Challenge

Pick one. Start today. Then build on what works. One day our daughters will thank us.

Why You Need To Invent Your Own Family Rituals

Think about Christmas time as a kid: what do you remember most?

It’s not the big things, but the little rituals that made it unique. 

For example, maybe your family always opened a single present on Christmas eve.

Maybe your Dad would allow you to take a sip of his Miller High Life each Christmas….

It doesn’t matter!

In short, rituals are the seasoning that gives your family its unique flavor!

(Being corny is one of my daily rituals)

Most Americans celebrate Christmas, but only your family celebrates it in your own special way.

So, What Makes A Ritual Special, Anyways? 

What makes a ritual special is its separation from normal life. 

THAT is the most important part!

For your family ritual’s to really be impactful, they should be a break from what your family does normally.

Example: 

You are a family which allows ZERO processed, sugary foods in the house. 

Every spring break, the whole family has a movie night. You guys go to the grocery store together first, and each kid/parent gets to pick out two of the most unhealthy snacks that their heart desires.

What This Does For Your Family

Trust me, if you are a family of health nuts, this annual lapse in judgment will be met with huge anticipation! 

Oftentimes, the best rituals are a little bit naughty. That’s why you remember that sip of beer your dad allowed you each Christmas: it was a break from the norm. 

Family rituals are an amazing way to build a sense of identity for your family. 

By inventing your own, your kid's childhood experience will be totally unique.

Think about it like this: the best rituals are the ones your kids will brag about to their friends at school.

That’s the Dadding challenge for today:

Think up a family ritual you can do that will make your kids so happy, they are gonna brag about it to their friends at school. 

How To Date Your Partner

This isn’t about sex.

But: 

If you feel that that part of your marriage is lacking, take a step back.

What are you doing to make your wife/partner feel special? Loved? Doted on?

It can be easy to forget the need to take special moments for keeping romance, well, romance-y.

For this, we are focusing on a few easy things you can do to date your wife/partner again. 

Skip The Fancy Meal

A Rage Room is basically 10 years of  marriage counseling in one hour

The date night that has been programmed into us is the:

Movie-Dinner-Maybe-Sex-Probably-Sleep pipeline.

And as you date longer, it becomes increasingly difficult to imagine any other date.

It’s easy. You guys are hungry. 

It’s also repetitive. 

And Uninspired. 

And won’t feel special if it’s the only activity you guys do besides parenting.

So, take your partner ax-throwing. Or on a hike. Or to the aquarium. Or have a picnic. Or or or… you get the point! Anywhere that is not the same restaurant you hit once a month. 

But, when you do go out for your next dinner,

Make A Concerted Effort To Listen On Your Dates 

Yes, babe, the Ear Trumpet is necessary

Do you ever see two people out at a restaurant and instantly think:

Wow, that is DEFINITELY a first date.

The focus on listening is uncompromised. 

Borderline psychotic.

The guy is matching his bites up to hers, hiding his inner desire to annihilate the plate.

Thankfully, that ship has fully sailed for us married folk.

But!

It’s the thought that counts.

That undivided attention tells the other person one thing: 

You are special, and I care about you. 

Bring some of that first-date energy to your next dinner.

Make a Gratitude List

Thanks, Wikihow 

Listen.

As our lives get increasingly complicated, it is easy to let resentment build. 

Sadly, it is far too easy to live a life focused on troubles and daily difficulties.

It doesn’t matter if you are religious or not, taking time out of your day to write down what you are grateful for is amazing.

And, it is one surefire way to be able to appreciate all the things you love about your life.

And your partner. 

Which will make it soooooo much easier to get romantic-y. 

And feel, even for a moment, back in the honeymoon stage. 

How To Be The Present Dad Your Kids Deserve

Mmmmmm….family time…..

We live in a world of distractions. 

Whether it be the news, our phones, the confluence of the two: it is hard to live in the moment.

So then, how can we be present in a world designed to keep us occupied?

There isn’t one simple answer. Instead, we are going to give you three techniques you can implement in your life to make being present easier.

Schedule Time For Nothing

Look how easy it is for you to honor a pointless work meeting.

Instead of thinking, “God, I need time to hangout with my kids”

Make time. Literally. In your calendar. To do nothing.

Honor it, like you honor the utterly pointless weekly “Check In” with the boss.

Time with your kids doesn’t need to be an epic disney trip.

They will sense your presence. 

Just don’t use your phone. 

Which brings me to my next point…

Make A Clear Distinction Between Work And Family Time

Screw it… I guess this post is Homer-themed

For a lot of us, COVID has destroyed the separation of work and home.

Partly, this has been awesome!

More time at home = more time proximate to our families.

I used proximate in the last sentence to make a point; while we might be literally closer to them, work drives a necessary, but distinct wedge between us and them. 

All of this to say: When you are working, work. When you are done working, be present. 

I promise you, that email is not life or death.

Take Time For Yourself

This seems counterintuitive: we are talking about being present with our kids. 

What do I gotta do with it?

Listen. A dad needs time for himself to recharge his batteries.

This doesn’t have to be an elaborate hobby, or a three-hour procedure.

You just need time to connect with your own emotions. (Mediation is perfect for this).

Without this, you are doomed to face burnout. 

And stress.

And that constant feeling of “forgetting something”.

Which all are states of mind that make being present nearly impossible. 

You can’t be a present dad if you are absent in your own life.

Why You Should Play Hooky With Your Kids

mmmmmm…..hookkkkkkkyyyy….

Your kids probably don’t love school.

Unless you are incredibly blessed, you probably don’t love your job.

Obviously, both of you need to go to work and school.

But…

Not everyday!

An Annual Hooky Tradition

Photoshop Skills Not Included With Annual Hooky Day

Imagine this:

You take a single vacation day. You show up to your kid’s school, surprise them, and take them on an adventure.

You guys do something totally left-field.

Your kid is a skater?

You drive him(or her!) to the best skatepark in your area, one that is typically a little too far for them to bike to.

The best part?

They know it’s coming, but they don’t know when…

The Set-Up

Mask Not Required For Kidnapping Your Kid From School

You create a shroud of mystery surrounding the mythical Yearly Hooky Day:

“You won’t know when, and you won’t know what, but one day each year, I am going to pull you outta school and we are gonna do something EPIC!”

The curiosity and excitement builds in your little schemers…

“But what are we gonnnnaaa dooooo???”

It’s a secret.

From then on, everyday they have school, they will have it in the back of their minds.

Excitement growing.

Knowing, “Today could be the day…”

Why A Hooky Day

Make your kid “stock-image happy”

Look.

School is important.

It teaches kids an unfortunate truth about life: every single day, you gotta do shit you don’t want to.

But…

They are kids!

Put yourself in their shoes, or your own shoes, or just simply get back into the mind of a child.

How many days did you spend daydreaming about someone swooping you up, and taking you away from the dullery to go explore?

You will make that daydream tangible.

Plus, I promise you one thing:

Your kids will not forget those magical days.

The Five-Step Art of A Family Dinner Convo

“Instruction was splendid, pa-pah”

Do your dinner conversations sound like this?

“How was school today?”

Good.

“Anything fun happen?”

Nope. Normal.

Let’s take a step back. 

The fact that you are having a dinner conversation is awesome!

Eating together is not simply family bonding time. According to Harvard, 

“Regular family dinners are associated with lower rates of depression, and anxiety, and substance abuse, and eating disorders, and tobacco use, and early teenage pregnancy, and higher rates of resilience and higher self esteem.”

Ok! You’ve got the family dinner down, but you want to have more, let’s say, engaging conversation. 

Here is a five-step guide to asking your kids questions they will be excited to answer. 

This isn’t a formula; think of this more as a framework. If you feel like getting crazy and modifying it, do it! It will probably keep your little conversationalists on their toes. 

HiLoFunFailFav

I apologize for the awkward mnemonic device, but if you say it fast, it does(kinda) roll off the tongue. 

As I said, this isn’t a formula to spit at your kids. This is a framework for you to use!

Hi-Highlight of The Day

Here, you give your kids the opportunity to tell you what made their day awesome, if only for a moment. 

Examples:

What was the best part of your day? (and you aren’t allowed to say “going home!”)

Did you learn anything today that blew your mind?

Did you see any squirrels water skiing? 

Lo-Lowlight Of The Day

Time to let your kid get Emo

Give your kids the opportunity to act like an adult, and complain.

Examples:

What SUCKED about today?

What’s the most USELESS thing you learned today?

If you could do today over again, what would you leave in the past?

Fun-Funniest Thing That Happened At School

Let’s see them try to make us learn…

Give your kid the chance to show off his storytelling skills. 

Example:

What was the CRAZIEST thing you saw at school today?

What made you ROFL today?

P.S. (Don’t worry I had to look up what it meant)

P.S.S (Yes, be a corny dad and say “ROFL” out loud, like roff-all).

Fail-Failure Of The Day

Get like Mike!

Here, you give your kids the opportunity to show you they understand failure is normal. This is also a perfect opportunity to start by modeling this question. 

EXAMPLE OF MODELING:

Today I had such a hard time finding the right words for this blog post. It felt like my brain was deep-fried. After I meditated though, I felt way better and crushed it in like 45 minutes. What about you guys? 

WHAT YOU ASK AFTER MODELING:

Did you get stuck at all today?

What was super hard in class today?

Fav-Favorite Food/Drink

Might as well be a 3 michelin star meal…

Ok, this one is an easy home run. No explanation needed. 

Example:

What was the BEST thing you ate today?

Did you drink anything DELICIOUS at school?

How To Use It

This isn’t a checklist in which you have to hit each category in order. This is a tool: if the conversation is flagging, come back to it for guidance. 

Oh by the way…

Don’t forget to give them a chance…awkward silence is what brilliance is made of…

This 21 second pause to let @elonmusk think about his answer is why @lexfridman is an amazing interviewer. pic.twitter.com/w9qgd1lZv4

— Neville Medhora (@nevmed) December 29, 2021

 Now go engage those little monsters! Make them spill their guts. If they are hesitant, show them how! Model how a conversation works. You are already doing the right thing by having a family dinner, now make it fun!