Secrets to Being an Epic Dad - Insights from a Year of Writing Daily

This week’s newsletter is a celebration and a reflection on a year of daily writing. Let's dive in!

First, I can’t believe how fast a year went. This is my 53rd newsletter since I started on July 1, 2022.

I'm incredibly grateful to all of you who have been part of this journey.

Throughout this past year, the practice of working on myself, writing every day and sharing content multiple times a week has taught me invaluable lessons.

It has made me a better dad, husband, son, friend, and colleague.

It's like embarking on a backyard landscaping project—sometimes ambiguous, seemingly never-ending, but once you take the first step, the results are astonishing and inspire you to do even more.

The effort I've invested in self-work has paid off in countless ways.

I feel healthier, more composed (well, most of the time), and deeply connected with myself and my loved ones.

I've also found that I communicate more clearly, which has strengthened my relationships.

All the self-work (including things like meditation and gratitude journaling), I found these three things are my favorite:

1\ I wake up early to indulge in an hour of quiet time for myself—reading, writing, or simply enjoying the tranquility.

2\ I stick to my five-day-a-week gym routine, which has had a tremendous impact on my overall well-being.

3\ Writing daily has become a release, allowing me to express my thoughts and work through the anxieties of life and fatherhood.

So after one year I figured I would set some intentions for the next year.

1\ I intend to maintain my consistency with quiet time, hitting the gym, and writing. These practices have become the pillars of my self-improvement journey, and I can't wait to see where they take me.

2\ I've realized that I've fallen into a pattern of consuming news or watching YouTube shorts more mornings before heading to the gym. To break this habit, I'm committing to reading more. It's time to fill my mornings with enriching books that ignite my imagination and broaden my perspectives.

3\ I've set my sights on that money. Well more specifically, financial sovereignty. I firmly believe that achieving true freedom of time for myself, my family, and the things I love—like fishing, foraging, hunting, and traveling—requires a greater focus on financial freedom.

Over the next year, I will embark on a journey to find, evaluate, and eventually purchase a profitable business. This endeavor feels particularly timely, given the wave of retiring business owners.

If you're interested in joining me on this adventure, let me know, and I'll provide updates every 4 to 6 weeks.

Thank you again for being part of my writing journey.

Your support and engagement have been invaluable, and I'm excited to continue sharing my experiences and insights with you all. Stay tuned for more and keep those dad jokes alive!

Cheers,

Matt

Loneliness

Dads, have you ever felt alone, even though your family surrounds you?

My wife and I spend the whole day in the same house, yet often feel like ships passing at night.

Barely having the time or energy even to say hi.

I’ve only seen my best friend, once in the last 6 months.

And I WFH.

It has made my daily routine feel like a grind.

My tank empty and a feeling of alone.

If you feel this way, you’re not alone (no pun intended).

The good thing is that other dudes, like you and I, want to connect.

There isn’t a prescription but more of a set of practical things I found to squash the feelings of loneliness.

Here are the 4 doable ways I found to fix the loneliness of being a dad.

1/ Start with self-care.

I start by feeding myself.

To connect with others, I found it crucial to start by connecting with myself.

For me waking up early so I get an hour of quiet time and then an hour at the gym.

I come home refreshed and ready for the day.

It feeds me and gives me the energy to connect with my kids, my wife, my buds and my colleagues.

This plays into my next point.

2/ Connecting with my wife

Sometimes the key to breaking out of my loneliness funk is starting with the relationship closest to me.

My wife.

I make it a priority to connect.

I found a simple daily email with three things; 1) why I’m grateful for her, 2) what my schedule is for the day and 3) something I’m excited (or need) to talk to her about later that evening.

This gives us a reason to connect at night even when we are both exhausted from the day.

We acknowledge and celebrate even a short, 15 min convo.

This builds the connection momentum.

3/ Turn on the cab light.

Having kids has thrust me into a new phase of life. And some of my friends that were friends before are not in the same phase of life.

So what do I do:

Well, find new friends.

Sheeeshh. You might say, “easier said than done.”

As I get older, it gets harder to make new friends.

But for me, it was more of a mindset shift.

When I was helping my gf (now wife) move, as we unpacked her stuff I found a book called “Turn On Your Cab Light.”

It turns out she was reading it when she met me.

And the summary is; to find new relationships, one must be open to new relationships.

My cab light looks like taking a class in something I’m interested in.

And joining a group with a shared goal (fitness class).

The key is finding places and activities where there are several people with the same interests or similar goals.

Usually, these are related to hobbies, or wellness or religion.

This leads to my fourth and final point.

4/ A guys' weekend.

Every year we do a guys' weekend.

We look forward to it like Christmas.

It's on the calendar for the same weekend every year so it is easier to get coverage from our wives.

It also entertains us throughout the year as we relive the weekend through our group text messages.

How have you battled the loneliness that comes with being a committed dad?

The Best Investment

The most underrated investment.  

Yourself. 

Here are 5 simple ways to invest in yourself.

And...

10x your returns which include…

better health, more time with loved ones and yep...

Money! 

This post by ‘Contrarian Thinker’ Codie Sanchez drives home the missed opportunity of not investing in yourself.  

I'm guilty of spending money where the ROI isn’t as big or is zero. 

"Investing in yourself is the best investment you will ever make. It will not only improve your life, it will improve the lives of all those around you." Robin S. Sharma

Investing in yourself will advance your career, help you achieve better health, and discover new income streams. 

It will also improve those around you, especially your family. 

Example:

I’ve been focusing on my health for 8 months now.  

I'm healthier, have more energy and am more present.

Now, my amazing wife got in on the action. 

She started a 4 day a week workout routine for the first time in her life and she has become an unprocessed foodie (healthy and tasty whole foods.)

She makes us the healthiest and tastiest meals all week long. 

And now our kids are getting the best version of mom and dad because we are healthier and more present!

The 5 easy ways I found to invest in myself and reap the magic of compounding returns: 

1/ Hire a coach.  

Someone that can help you succeed because they have been there and done that. 

Who can show you how to succeed.  

A good coach gives you the map and challenges you.

But doesn’t do it for you. 

This past year I found fitness coaches (shout out to my coaches Kyler and Aaron).    

One of my best investments in the last 5 years.   

I’m now harder to kill (lost 25lbs and cut my risk of dying by 67% according to a heart risk calculator).

You can also hire a coach to learn a new hobby or improve practical skills.  

The investment in a coach will level up your game. 

And the results are priceless. 

2/ Take a course or training. 

I’m a lifelong learner, but I was more willing to spend a couple grand on a vacation than on a course that could improve my skills or teach me something new. 

The challenge for me since leaving college was what kind of course should I take?

Here’s where to start, borrowed from Cody Sanchez, but applied to learning.  

The best place to start is by finding something you're curious about and have been interested in learning more about for at least a year.  

Find a skill people are willing to pay for. 

And something where there is a community you can plug into, whether that be locally, on reddit, discord, etc.

It doesn’t always have to be skills that pay the bills.  

It could be an obscure hobby or skill that just improves your life by being good for your brain. 

We must have something that requires active participation that can send our brains into flow.

Flow is like a sweet, sweet massage for the brain. 

And just maybe… 

When a new skill is stacked with your existing skills, it could also impact your earnings. 

Start with what you’re curious about and

make a splash.  

3/ Prioritize learning experiences

This kind of goes along with investing $2k in a training vs. a vacation. 

What if you could do both? 

Our last vacation I planned around a tech conference.  

I invested $1000 in the conference plus the travel to a new country so I could learn about emerging tech trends from experts. 

It was both a vacation and a learning experience.  

My son even joined me and the memories and learning were priceless. 

My lil’ man with AR/VR headsets at the WebSummitt in Lisbon, Portugal.  

4/ Get a certification

Jobs, roles and opportunities are changing so quickly.  

Four-year degrees can’t adapt quickly enough. 

The best way to adapt to the pace of change and prove it is…

To get a certification.

Last year I got two (blockchain and AWS cloud practitioner).

This year I’m gunning for one (robot-related). 

Certifications usually require a test that demonstrates mastery of a topic. 

In IT there are cloud certs (architect, data engineer, etc.), AI certs (prompt engineers) and security certs(CISSP).

And for non-technical, there are project management, HR, and marketing certs.

Even hands-on fields have valuable certs (rad tech, dental assistant, building inspector, aircraft tech, and a slew of green job certs). 

No matter what field you are in there is likely a cert for you.  

5/ Over-index on health.

We’ve all heard the stories of people working their whole life to retire and do what they want and…

then they die without getting to enjoy the fruits of their labor.  Sorry to be grim but it’s true.   

Investing in health now significantly reduces the risk of poor health later.  

My health has been the best investment for me and my family.

It has been a foundation of positive change. 

What ways have you found to invest in yourself?

5 Things I’m Doing In 2023 To Crush Dadding

A new year is like a new pair of underwear.  It doesn’t feel right until you’ve worn them in, if you know what I’m saying. 

Here are 5 things I plan on making 2023 fit a little more comfortably as a dad:

1/ No Judgment January

No Judgment January is like dry January but with the alcohol (well, not exactly). 

I’m committing for the next 30 days. 

The commitment; is not to judge, blame or criticize my kids.  

By approaching each scream, cry, yell, or fighting (you know, 2x4 over the head like Hacksaw Jim Duggan) as Sherlock Holmes, with complete curiosity, and without emotion.  

So rather than immediately judging, blaming, or criticizing, I am looking to understand the feeling or emotion causing my child’s temporary lapse of judgment. 

The goal is to be a calmer dad by being calmer in the most stressful situations with my kiddos.  

So a 30-day commitment it is.  

I hope that after 30 days, I’m not going to go back to judging, blaming, and criticizing because a good habit was formed by going hard for a short period.  

Wish me luck.

2/ Learn something new 

I found an Airbnb experience (renting an activity vs. a house) where I can learn to become a fun-ghi.   There’s a lady locally that teaches mushroom foraging. 

I already forage mushrooms (morels and puff balls) but want to ‘expand’ my mind.  I’m just going for edible mushrooms, not psychedelic type…I don’t think.  

It doesn’t matter what, but I feel like I’m growing when I'm learning.  

3/ An expanded source of info.  

I’m a podcast/YouTube junkie.  

I get a dopamine hit from learning something new, but I listen to the same four or five.  

I need to expand my horizon, so I’m searching for a new podcast.  

Two I’m considering are:  

Founders (https://founders.simplecast.com/) is one.  

Have you seen a business biography? They’re 900-page bibles.  

Founders is a one to two-hour summary of biographies of the most successful entrepreneurs (think Steve Jobs) highlighting the keys to their success.  

I’m also considering How To Take Over The World (https://www.httotw.com/), a concise summary of some of the greatest conquerors of land, industry, and economy. 

Any other podcasts I should consider?

4/ No more play-by-play. 

Recently, I had one of those light bulb moments when my wife gives me the play-by-play of how one of our kids is ruining the day…it sets me off.   

So I decided not to focus on the play-by-play but on the feeling I was feeling and tagging my wife in if my emotions were running high. 

Again the goal is to be Yoda (calm and consistent guide) for my kids.  And I can achieve that only if I’m not fired up.  

5/ One-on-one time 

Make one-on-one time a priority with each of my kids every week.  

A trip to the grocery store, a puzzle together, or maybe a snowy walk. 

A little individual time for us to connect. 

What are you doing to make 2023 the best year yet?

This Can Be Your Secret Weapon

Does this thought sound familiar? 

I NEED to start reading.

Maybe you order a new WW2 history book on amazon. 

You get 50 pages in and feel totally engrossed.

You are learning everything you ever wanted to know about the allied invasion of Normandy.

But… you stop reading (and feel guilty about it).

Why? Why Do You Feel Guilty?

You feel guilty because you believe reading has a certain special power for learning that you are missing out on. 

Good news. We don’t believe that is true.  

Audiobooks: A New Form Of The Oldest Technology

Look, OBVIOUSLY it is awesome to sit down and read a book.

But, did you ever consider that it’s not the only way to do deep learning? 

Let’s take a step back. 

A big step back.

In the Phaedrus, Plato warns about the DANGERS of the new-fangled invention of reading, saying:

"For this invention will produce forgetfulness in the minds of those who learn to use it, because they will not practice their memory.”

For Plato, books were going to have a negative impact on the art of listening and oral communication. 

I quote Plato here to make only one simple point: the written word is not the ONLY way to learn important things. 

The printing press was the tech that allowed us non-elites to read books. 

But. 

Guess why your Grandpa didn’t listen to audiobooks?

He couldn’t! 

Simply put, Audiobooks are a new technology, and one we should utilize to be able to learn wherever we want!

How Audiobooks Can Make Reading Practical

I don’t need to tell you that dads are busy creatures.

With that, it’s often impossible to take an hour of each day to sit down, scotch in hand, and ponder a great tome. 

Here is where audiobooks come in.

What if you could read while doing the dishes?

While on a walk?

While on a run?

You can with audiobooks!

Now, you might be thinking:

But that’s not the best way to learn. You aren’t fully focused, etc…

Yup. That’s true.

But our goal with this newsletter is improvement, not perfection. 

and guess what?

If you are reading ZERO books per month, and audiobooks bring that number up to ONE per month?

That is a 100% perfect increase in your book readin’ numbers. 

And more, listening to an audiobook while doing mindless tasks is both fun, and sustainable.

And sustainable changes = changes that stick around to change YOU!

Your Homework

Find an audiobook of something that sounds super interesting to you.

Audiobook Ideas: The history of a topic you want to know more about. The Autobiography of a person you deeply admire. A parenting book you’ve heard great things about.

Download it onto your phone. Make it as easy as possible for yourself to press play.

Listen to it when you are doing something mindless. Fall asleep to it. 

Don’t make this hard! 

Make consuming this book fun and easy. This is not a task like the dishes, but another source of entertainment. 

Given time, your audiobook habit could be the source of passive knowledge acquisition. 

Keep it simple, stupid! Go listen! 

You might learn something.