Dads, The Real Reason You Don’t Have A Hobby
Dads, here is the real reason you don’t have a hobby.
I love to be outside; biking, hiking, fishing, foraging or hunting but these hobbies take time and commitment.
Extra time is like that mythical pot of gold at the end of the rainbow guarded by a tricky leprechaun…it don’t exist.
And Netflix is not a hobby...(Why do I always spend more time browsing for a show than actually watching???)
So what I found is trying not to overcomplicate it...hobbies don't have to be some complex or time-consuming.
Actually, it should be something that takes very little time so I can find a way to squeeze it in each day.
A hobby has a multitude of benefits…but before I lay out the benefits, lets first define what a hobby is.
A hobby is something that requires active participation (i.e. Shooting Hoops).
Something that is not a hobby is something that involves passive participation (i.e. binging Netflix).
I’m not bashing Netflix because I love a good binge-watch from time to time. We crushed Stranger Things this past winter (I still have Kate Bush singing “Be runnin' up that hill” stuck in my head)
A hobby is important because:
It puts us dads into a state of flow...which is like a massage for our brains (here’s the science to prove it).
You may ask:
If hobbies are so good for my brain and I have so little time how can I possibly find a hobby?
Return to your childhood...what did you love as a boy?
Loved to ride your bike as a kid?
Take 15 minutes a night to go on a solitary ride. Leave your phone at home. Push yourself to ride as fast as possible.
Loved to fill the margins of your notebooks with doodles?
Doodle! Throw on headphones with a favorite album, and let time melt away.
Loved exploring the woods as a boy?
Go explore again! As long as you are taking an active role in your life, you will feel the benefits.
Loved throwing a ball against a wall?
Go outside and throw a ball against the wall. Your neighbor might think you’ve gone mad but your brain will thank you.
Disclaimer:
I am not saying to avoid taking up a difficult, expertise-laden hobby.
This is dedicated to those who want a hobby, but end up watching TV every night.
Life isn’t all-or-nothing.
By making a small change towards active participation, you might find yourself invigorated enough to embark on a journey to learn how to make ships-in-a-bottle.
The Easiest Way For Dads To Relieve Stress
Dads, you might not be using this simple yet powerful stress reliever.
We all want to parent with less stress.
But, if you’re like me, you probably forget to do this one simple thing.
And by not doing, we’re allowing stress to creep into your parenting.
The great news is that there is a simple fix.
Dads, you might not be using this simple yet powerful stress reliever.
We all want to parent with less stress.
But, if you’re like me, you probably forget to do this one simple thing.
And by not doing, we’re allowing stress to creep into your parenting.
The great news is that there is a simple fix.
Laughter.
You’ve heard the saying “laughter is the best medicine.”
May 7 was World Laughter Day.
Studies show that it laughing is the best medicine and here’s why.
Laughing has been shown to trigger relaxation.
It increases powerful chemicals that improve brain health, reduce pain, relax muscles, and lower blood pressure.
Laughter has been shown to create better relationships (strengthen bonds).
Improving our overall emotional health.
And it allows us dads to connect more with our kids and parent with less stress.
But there is a Toby to laughter.
The Toby to parenting is being too serious.
I'm guilty of being too serious.
Imma be parenting “like this my job.”
I want my kids to turn out to be good people.
But I realized that being so intense ratchets the tension when things don't go my way.
A recent guys’ weekend reminded me of the importance of laughing and keeping things light.
I’ve noticed that laughing not only helps me better connect with my kids it also helps me better connect with my wife, my friends, and my colleagues.
I’ve been doing two simple things to help get some laughter back into my life.
First, honing my dad joke skills.
Nothing is better than a good ol’ dad joke that only I find funny and solicits an eye roll from my wife.
The second thing I found to lighten life with laughter is binging comedians.
A good friend of mine introduced me to Nate Bargatze (he has a Netflix special)
I’m also into Sundae Conversations.
And I really like Theo Von.
I started giving myself a break from parenting, business, and finance podcasts and instead started listening to more comedians.
And it has helped.
So with a little bit of laughter, I find more connection and less stress in parenting.
How do you keep it light with your kids?
Do you have any gut-busting recommendations?
This Is Killin’ Ya
WFH and desk dads, you might’ve heard before that "sitting is the new smoking."
Our bodies evolved to move.
Prehistoric humans could be found fishing, running from lions, and building shelters.
Nowadays, not so much.
You’re lucky if you make it to a gym session each day when you’re a busy dad.
How much you sit matters.
Researchers looked at 13 studies and found that sitting is as bad as being obese or smoking. Does anyone still smoke these days?
The evidence shows that lack of movement can lead to depression and increase the risk of heart disease, diabetes, and some kinds of cancer.
I’m a desk jockey and this is my horse.
I sit at a computer, fire off emails all day and talk with people through my screen on Zoom meetings.
The study did show that 1 hour of moderately intense exercise is a great anti-venom to sitting. Which I do every morning.
But I still feel the effects of sitting for hours post workout.
I need to do better.
The research inspired me to find a way to combat the effects of sitting at a computer for long stretches.
And here are the 4 that I found and one of which has had more than a health benefit.
1/ Take a break
Take a break every 30 minutes per Mayo Clinic.
I found with my 3 young kids that are mostly at home, I use breaks from my desk to chase them around for 10 or 15 min.
These breaks both revive me and help me connect with my kids.
Wins all the way around.
2/ Try an alt-desk (standing or walking).
I haven’t done this because of my WFH setup (see pic up top).
But people I know who do say it is great.
It gets the blood flowing and keeps the heart rate up!
One day when I have a proper office, I will invest in an alt-desk.
3/ Address the pain points.
My lower back suffers the most from sitting too much.
I recently found this lower back routine from fitness influencer Dan Go.
I’ve mixed in a few of these moves and it has helped.
Precise moves that relieve pain points and get you moving are win-win.
4/ Walkie-Talkie
Walking meetings and phone calls.
This one has several benefits.
Especially for a tough call or a cold call.
It makes me a little looser and a little more relaxed.
Now that the weather is getting nice I anticipate doing this more often.
I get steps in and get my work done.
Have you found anything to incorporate more movement into your day?
How A Busy Dad Cut His Risk Of Dying In Half
Have You Heard Of Quitter’s Day?
By the second week of February every year, 80% of new year’s resolutions have failed.
The day you’re most likely to give up?
We almost all fall prey to this…
Failed New Year's resolutions.
Have you heard Of Quitter’s Day?
By the second week of February every year, 80% of new year’s resolutions have failed.
The day you’re most likely to give up?
January 19 has become known as Quitter’s Day.
I’m not into the New Year’s resolution hype.
Dec 31 isn’t any different than Jan 1, except “Dry January” enters the vocabulary.
But many things start anew on Jan 1 (fiscal years, taxes, insurance deductibles, my wife’s lettuce for lunch rule, etc.).
I don’t mind the idea of wiping the slate clean and restarting.
It's refreshing…like closing all your browser tabs and starting over (ahhhhhhh).
So instead of setting myself up for failure with a resolution, I create a mantra.
Not the sitting-on-the-floor-eyes-closed-crosslegged-lotus-pose kind.
Here’s what I mean by mantra.
A word or phrase that guides my direction and decisions. (definitely not from webster).
In 2022 my mantra was ‘Health.’ I wanted to be a healthy dad that could keep up with my three fiercely independent kids.
A mantra is how this busy dad put up (or put down) some serious stats:
Me on 1/1/22
- 210 lbs
- 289 total cholesterol
- 3.5% risk of heart attack (in the next 10 years)
Me on 12/23/22
- 192 lbs (⬇️18lbs)
- 168 total cholesterol (⬇️ 121)
- 1.5% risk of heart attack (⬇️57%)
There were three things I did to live my mantra and improve my health. I will use these same three things to live out my mantra in 2023 (Growth):
1/ Went Monk
What is went monk?
It is a focused challenge + a fast.
The key to going monk is to focus on one thing for a short duration (go to the gym 3 days a week for 30 days) and fasting distractions or vices (no beer during the week).
This short duration and intense focus make the goal attainable and easier to turn into a habit.
2/ Hired a coach
I know what you are thinking… you're picturing a football coach screaming in your ear as his spit whacks you in the face like a sprinkler.
What I mean by coach is an expert. Someone that has been-there-done-that. That can give you tips, keep you focused and challenge you.
I hired a fitness coach and spent more time with my doctor.
Coaches are crucial to success as kids and are even more important for exhausted dads.
3/ Took a class
I sang like Alice Cooper when I graduated college (schooooool’s out foor-ever!).
As I get older, I realize how little I know and how important learning is to continue to grow as an adult.
To live out my mantra each year, I take one or two classes (online or in person).
For 2022 I took a fitness class. It taught me to push my body while not getting hurt.
Conclusion
So, try these tips to put down some serious numbers or achieve something new this year.
And maybe Quitter’s Day will eventually perhaps become known as Doers Day.
Salud to a happier and better you!
Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail. Do This Instead For Success In 2023.
Why do 91% of new year’s resolutions fail?
They’re too big of a change with an indefinite timeline.
Here is the better way to achieve goals or make changes.
Go monk.
What does it mean to go monk, you might ask?
To go monk or monk mode is a Challenge + Fast.
The key to going monk is to focus on one thing (exercise, a project, or a habit) for a short duration (1 week to 3 months) while eliminating self-defeating distractions and vices (i.e. no social media, no binging Netflix, no sweets, etc.).
This short duration and intense focus make the goal both attainable and easier to turn into a habit.
Going monk might be the best way to make real, lasting change.
The Challenge:
Don’t wait until Jan 1, 2023. Start Now!
Pick one thing (me: returning to my daily meditation).
There are 19 days until Jan 1, do it every day for 19 days.
It will become a habit going into the dark days of the new year.
And it will build momentum toward other goals!
Now get ‘in’ there and go monk!
Just 5 Mins of This Can Boost Your Body’s Natural Drug
A 5 minute nature walk can boost your body’s natural drug and other self care tips, for dads that know self-care is the core to caring for your family.
It’s no secret that we Americans spend a lot of time indoors…
Look at this eye-opening statistic from the EPA:
“Americans, on average, spend approximately 90 percent of their time indoors.”
This isn’t our fault.
Some of us live way up north, where a leisurely lunchtime stroll is practically torture half of the year.
For the rest of us, we are busy!
That, combined with a national infrastructure built for cars means that here in the states, we must make a concerted effort to go walking.
But, what are the benefits…
The Benefits
To start, a daily walk of any sort is an excellent way to keep the blood flowing.
Second, let’s look at our homie Vitamin D: a daily walk outside gives us enough Vitamin D to help fight depression and even some forms of cancer.
Here is a quote from Lisa Nisbet, a professor of Psychology at Trent University:
“Generally the research tells us that when people are exposed to the natural environment and natural features, they tend to have a reduced stress response. When you are out in nature you have lower blood pressure, better heart rate variability, better mood”
Finally, it boosts our body’s natural drug, Serotonin, which has heaps of benefits (make you feel good and sleep better).
How To Get Your Nature Boost ASAP
In all of the previous research, if you dig deep, you will notice that these studies are based on more prolonged periods of exposure to nature: One Hour, 30 Minutes, etc…
What if I told you 5 minutes was you all needed to get most of the benefits?
In a study by Jo Barton at the University of Essex, the vast majority of benefits received from time spent in nature happen in the first five minutes.
And this includes urban nature like parks also!
So, what does this mean for you, busy dad?
If you want to receive the multitude of benefits of time spent in nature, but don’t know where to start, give yourself five minutes a day!
Or, if you are already a nature lover, but don’t have time that day for a huge hike, know that popping outside for 5 minutes is way better than nothing…
Go look at a tree or something, man!
Box Breathing Is As Good As Meds
Box Breathing…and why it is good as meds. Dynasty dad is your weekly newsletter that gives busy dads tools to be great dads.
One of our guiding principles is to make vague ideas clear and practical.
With that in mind, one of the most frustratingly vague topics in the “self-care” category is meditation.
What is it? How does a normal dude do it?
We’ve written about it here.
But, for this article, we want to focus on one specific breathing technique:
Box Breathing: As Good As Meds
Box Breathing is a breathing technique that science shows reduces cortisol, our bodies’ primary stress hormone.
This study found many potential benefits: a possible non-drug treatment for mental illness. A practical tool to cope with job burnout. And as good as meds to cut blood pressure.
Breathing techniques like this are already in widespread clinical use in treating PTSD.
If you want to read the science for yourself, click here
Otherwise, all you gotta know is that this shit works!
So, How Do I Do it?
Ok, this is incredibly complicated, so pull out that Moleskine you never use!
Just kidding.
First, let’s use a visual — a box.
A box has four sides, representing the four equal (4 seconds long) steps of the technique
Breath In
4 seconds of inhaling through your nose. Focus on filling the bottom of your belly with breath.
Hold
4 seconds of holding your breath.
Breath Out
4 seconds of exhaling forcefully from your mouth. Purse your lips, and make a wooshing sound as you exhale.
Hold
4 seconds of holding your breath out.
Start over
Other Notes
For this technique, you can quietly count in your head.
If you prefer external help, you can use a guided mediation app like Insight Timer to count for you. (Not an ad, just a good app!)
Think of the entire box breathing sequence like a Set in the gym.
However many sets you want to do is up to you.
As you get used to it, you can adjust the number of sets to your stress levels.
Your homework:
Try a set of 10 to start!
For context: that adds up to less than 3 minutes (160 secs).
You have three minutes each day to lower your stress.
Do it. You deserve it.
P.S. I like to do this midday Monday through Friday. It’s as refreshing as closing all my browser tabs and starting all over.
How Gratitude Changes Your Brain and Relationships
How Gratitude Changes Your Brain and Relationships
If you are not a busy person, congratulations!
For the rest of us stuck on planet Earth:
Life is a GRIND sometimes. And with that,
We lose track of what is REALLY important.
Our families.
A gratitude list is a way to realign and recenter our mindset.
So, What Is A Gratitude List?
Exactly what it sounds like…
Every day, you take 5-10 minutes to sit down and write out everything you are grateful for.
Nothing is too small.
Rather, it can be an incredibly humbling experience to start small.
For example:
Write out: I am thankful to have a warm home.
And afterwards, try to remember why you were so mad at your wife for forgetting to wash your underwear.
Not impossible to still be mad… Just a lot harder.
A Long-term Shift in Mindset
*Galaxy Brain Mindset Not Included With Newsletter
With time, you will begin to be able to reframe difficulties in your life as blessings or opportunities.
Example:
“I hate losing weight, it’s so hard”
can shift into:
“I am grateful I have the opportunity to take control of my health.”
Improved Prioritization
As you continue to write your lists, it will start to become abundantly clear what in your life is most important, and what you should spend your energy pursuing.
Family Time
I can promise you this: unless you are an evil freak, a daily gratitude list will make you more patient with your family! They will notice it, even if you don’t tell them about your list.
How To Start One
Don’t overthink this,
This isn’t rocket science.
Write this from the heart!
If it is easier, write it in bullet points.
Give yourself 5 minutes. If you want to go longer, do it!
If you are having difficulties, push through for that five minutes!
Don’t worry about finding the perfect thing to be grateful for.
As you continue to expand your gratitude practice, the trends will appear automatically.
Remember: this is for yourself! Nobody else is going to read this.
This is a place to be vulnerable, and remind yourself what amazing things you have in your life.
P.S. Oh by the way if you are like me and your life lives on your phone (can’t find a pen and paper) here’s a quick start…I use gratitude journal app(again not an Ad, just a fan).
P.S.S Research shows there might be an even more effective gratitude practice (an action repeated, to create a habit) using the power of story (~1.5hr podcast).
How To Start Taking Time For Yourself (Even If You Feel Guilty About It)
The cycle: we are slammed with work, kept perpetually busy with our kids and trying our best to get adequate sleep.
In all of this, we allow self-care to fall into the “I’ll take care of that later” category.
The problem: we feel burned out, irritated and generally stretched thin.
We might act out at ourselves, at work, or worst, at our families.
The dilemma: we do not have time for ourselves.
What we tell ourselves: I am going to start taking some time for myself soon.
The science: in a meta-analysis of 111 studies, scientists found a strong correlation between mental well-being and work performance.
What this means: by neglecting your self-care, you are hurting your productivity, perpetuating the cycle of burnout.
Change Your Perception Of Self-Care
DEFINITELY self-care
With media, we are shown one ideal of self-care: Green-juice in the morning, yoga, meditation, etc…
While all of this stuff can be good(here is our guide to meditation),
This isn’t the only way!
Actually, there isn’t a single way.
For this article, our definition of self-care is any activity that invigorates you, calms you, or leaves you feeling recharged.
Abandon All-Or-Nothing Thinking
Thought this summed it up nicely…
All-or-Nothing thinking is how we got here:
I don't have the energy to go for a run, so I won’t do anything physical.
I can’t sit still for 20 minutes, so I won’t try to meditate at all.
I don’t have time to read a book, so I’ll just doomscroll Facebook.
The Solution: Integration
If you find yourself thinking like this, check yo’self!
The biggest mistake with All-or-Nothing thinking is the way it sets up self-care as being distinct from your “normal” life.
In reality, the most sustainable way to change your life, and make a real change, is to slowly integrate self-care into your life.
If All-or-Nothing dad says “I don’t have time to read AND exercise, so I’ll just do nothing”.
We say: “To start reading, I am going to start listening to audiobooks while I take a jog”.
Another example: riding my bike invigorates me. Even though I don’t have time to go on a two-hour ride, I am going to make an effort to take a 15-minute ride each night.
Your Homework
Thank you Shutterstock child
If the science confirms that there is a correlation between self-care and work performance, you are in fact harming your productivity by not making time.
If we defined self-care as anything that invigorates, calms, or leaves you feeling recharged, that leaves the field open for you to try it.
Our challenge: Each day this week, do one daily small & meaningful act of self-care.
There is no time constraint: 5 minutes each day is infinitely better than 0 minutes each day.
You deserve it
So does your family.
If you aren’t taking care of yourself, you aren’t fully able to take care of your family.
Without self-care, you are not operating at your fullest potential.
Lose That Beer Gut (While Still Drinking Beer)
Lose That Beer Gut(While Still Drinking Beer). Self care and other ways dads can take care of themselves and be better dads and better humans.
Duff Not Included
Before you read further: This is not a life-hack.
Sadly, the science of weight-loss is simple: if you consume more calories than you expend, you gain weight.
The inverse then is also true: to lose weight, you simply must consume less calories than you expend.
Ok, ok. So what are we talkin’ about?
Keto? Paleo?
Nope.
Those can also be effective, but for this article, we are focusing on a method, not a diet.
The Method?
Intermittent Fasting
To the unfamiliar, intermittent fasting is simply a restriction of the times each day you eat food.
A common example: the 16:8 fast.
The Method:
For 16 hours each day, you eat/drink nothing caloric.
For 8 Hours each day, you eat/drink your daily requirements.
There is a simple free app that does the math for you.
Example:
John eats his first meal at 12:00PM.
He eats a small snack at 4PM.
At 7PM, John eats his dinner, and then fasts until 12:00PM the next day.
It is that simple.
How It Works:
To start, what makes this approach viable for losing weight is how easy it is.
Unlike a restrictive diet like Keto, the only thing you need to change is the time frames in which you eat.
Further, by restricting your time frame of consumption, you allow your body to switch from burning your sugar stores into your fat stores, a process called “Metabolic Switching”.
As Mark Mattson, a neuroscientist at John Hopkins puts it:
“If someone is eating three meals a day, plus snacks, and they’re not exercising, then every time they eat, they’re running on those calories and not burning their fat stores.”
Beyond this, one of Mattson’s recent studies in the New England Journal of Medicine suggests that
“ Things happen during intermittent fasting that can protect organs against chronic diseases like type 2 diabetes, heart disease, age-related neurodegenerative disorders, even inflammatory bowel disease and many cancers.”
A Simpler Reason It Works
Stock image guy is trying IF…
Less time spent snacking +
Fewer meals +
Zero full-calorie pops for breakfast =
Less calories entering your stomach.
Of course, calories are not the only determinant of health.
But we aren’t talkin’ health.
We are talkin’ about one thing: Losing Weight.
I also found the added benefit of making me a clearer thinker in the morning. And it has helped me avoid the post lunch crash because I am more thoughtful about what I eat for lunch (my first meal of the day).
So want to lose weight? Want to still drink carbalicious beer? Tired of your wife’s Keto farts?
Try Fasting.